Gnome Chomsky?
Where have I been, you ask? You know damn well where I was the whole night.
But, because I am a good hearted person who would never let one of my friends come to harm just because I knew about a terror alert and was too busy to tell them, I will let you in on a little secret:
Terrorist are now disguising themselves as garden gnomes.
Please, when you go out tomorrow take precaution. I suggest carrying a hammer and smashing ever garden gnome you see. Hopefully, they will quickly enact a law against owning these hideous, terrorist-harboring stone creatures and then only the outlaws will have garden gnomes.
Be careful out there, kids. The life you save by destroying a gnome may be your own.
Comments
I KNEW it!! I could tell by their beady little eyes.
Posted by: joatmoaf | January 27, 2004 10:44 PM
I gots me the crazy-eye now. Come'ere gnomey gnomey gnomey...
Posted by: Ed | January 28, 2004 12:01 AM
People, people, let's not give in to anti-gnome bigotry! Most gnomes are patriotic Americans. Sure, they sing the national anthem in a crazy, high-pitched gnome voice, but the sing it with pride.
Posted by: scott h. | January 28, 2004 01:27 AM
Can I PLEASE smash the plastic deer in people's yards as well?
I mean..ya can't be too safe.
Posted by: Tink | January 28, 2004 02:31 AM
Here's proof: A pic of the most recent FBI roundup of those "villains."
Posted by: cardeblu | January 28, 2004 03:03 AM
Hmmmm. Mary thinks they are underpants gnomes.
Posted by: Yehudit | January 28, 2004 04:06 AM
I wonder if weekly world news reads my blog?
I wonder if they’re looking for a new reporter.
Posted by: mary | January 28, 2004 09:22 AM
That's a funny piece, but it got me to thinking. You know the storyline of Amelie, a beautiful movie in which a certain garden gnome travels around the world via a commercial air carrier, finally leading Amelie's dad to break out of his depression and go travelling himself? Probably couldn't happen now. The stewardess would likely never get it on the first plane, or even if she did, it would prove to be too much of a hassle to continue. Scratch that happy ending. When the terrorists start making Amelie cry, they're gonna have me to reckon with.
;-)
Posted by: MIkeR | January 28, 2004 11:36 AM
All of you humans have no idea how hard it is to be a Gnome these days! No one wants us for movies anymore (the 80's were our prime), no one writes books about us anymore, and we don't appear in any new cartoons either. Children now a days don't even know what a Gnome is!
Many of our struggling people have unfortunately been recruited by Al Quada because they need somewhere to belong. Please do not judge us all by the doings of a few.
Posted by: Gnome King | January 28, 2004 12:15 PM
Oh...and Death to America!
Posted by: Gnome King | January 28, 2004 12:16 PM
Those damn Gnomes sold out the day they started making commercials for Travelocity. Death to the little ceramic traitors! (starts whistling "If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning...")
js
Posted by: Jason | January 28, 2004 01:19 PM
Let's hear gnome or about it.
Posted by: McGehee | January 28, 2004 01:27 PM
Ouch! She said garden gnomes, not short people wearing pointy hats and pointy shoes!
Posted by: Michael | January 28, 2004 01:44 PM
I know all you #&$(*%(&**&%&^$$#%$@#%&*(& URLS and I am gonna go in their and raise Havoc(Points finger at you while shaking with Jihad rage)
Posted by: Gnome Terrorist | January 28, 2004 05:37 PM
Aw, we've made the gnome ad.
Posted by: McGehee | January 28, 2004 06:34 PM