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I'm new to this webblogging stuff, so please be gentle with me...

Here's my confession - I found out about a year and a half ago that my husband was cheating on me with a woman who lives in Farmingville, Long Island. I confronted him but he refused to end the relationship - instead he gave me a story about how he really loved me but he had to "get this out of his system".

Instead of kicking his worthless ass out immediately I have spent the last year and a half watching him go out every Saturday night with his girlfriend, listening as he took innumerable phone calls from her, and sat in the living room with him as he spent most evenings chatting with her online. I also kept his secret - from my friends, my family - even from his girlfriend (He didn't tell her he was married). I did all this because I was afraid to be alone and I forced myself to believe his lies that he would be ending it soon - that if I just held on for a little longer things would go back to normal.

Last weekend in a fit of frustration and anger I finally called her up to tell her he was married. He responded immediately by leaving me. He told me that he had "warned me there would be repercussions if I told her".

So I confess that I am the most pathetic, stupid woman in the world. (Okay - maybe I'm tied for most pathetic, because his girlfriend - who is also married btw - has decided to forgive him for not mentioning he was married and is planning on taking her two kids and leaving her husband to be with him.)

--RR in Brooklyn (I didn't know how to do that email link thing that everyone else has done)


You are being too hard on yourself. Being in a similar situation (wife leaving me for her best's husband), I've learned that it is important to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say you did everything you could do to save the marraige. You did that. You are not the one who needs to confess. Life kicked you in the teeth, don't kick yourself on top of it. Take it from one who is in your shoes, it is really important to stop beating yourself up and start being nice to yourself. Congrats for standing up for yourself!

Good luck in the future, RB. It's not pathetic to be afraid. It's pathetic to keep being afraid forever. May you find happiness apart from that worthless husband of yours. I feel sorry for her two kids, too.

Life begins after you drop the baggage. You deserve better than to be strapped to someone who treated you like that. Being alone is scary, but it can be wonderful.

Sometimes you just have to smash some crockery to change an impossible situation.