colder than carbonite
Normally, I make fun of frantic weathermen (sorry, weatherpersons) and fearmongering newscasters for taking two hours to say: it's cold out. Yea. New York. Winter. Cold. Go figure.
I hate wind chill factors as much as I hate the heat index. 90 degrees but feels like 155! Not really. 90 degrees and feels like you can swim through the air is more like it. Almost the same thing every winter; It's 20 degrees outside, but with that howling wind it feels like ten below Antarctica! And the wind would howl about once every hour - not enough to convince your kids that it was only right to dress them in 52 layers of wool and fur.
Once in a great while, the weather equals the hyperbole. Now, I don't want to hear from you people that live in some godforsaken farm town in Saskatchewan. You're used to this. We're not. And it's finally my turn to engage in all that hyperbole.
Colder than a witch's tit just doesn't do it. No idea what that saying means, anyhow. I put a glass of water outside just to see what would happen; not only did it freeze within minutes, but the glass cracked as well. The ice on my windshield is about two inches thick. Walk out the door with a bit of your face and hands showing and frostbite ensues within seconds.
This is the first time I've ever kept everyone home because it's cold outside. Granted, we all aren't feeling up to par anyhow, the son has been out of school all week anyhow with a virus, school is opening on a two hour delay and, well...that's enough reasons, right?
The wind is going at it almost non-stop now. Wind chill factor: 20 below. I think we can safely engage in using the "feels like" factor now because damn, it feels like a punishment from the gods.
There's one thing I have to do today, though. At some point I will bundle the kids up and send them across the street to my parents' house. Just for a few minutes. I'm doing them a favor, actually. One day they will be able to say to their own kids, I remember when I had to walk to my grandma's house - both ways - in snow and ice and freezing temperatures! Stuff like that builds character, anyway.
Me, I have enough character already. It's a three-day weekend (really, five days) and I don't plan on leaving the house until Tuesday morning. I'll probably spend most of the day today sitting around watching the Weather Channel, just so I can remember The Day the Forecasters Were Right.