It has been my experience that the best New Year resolutions to make are the ones that are easiest to keep. This way, you don't disappoint yourself by failing to keep to a diet and you don't hear it from your family that your resolution to be nicer is obviously not holding up.
Therefore, I present to you my 2004 List of Resolutions That I Vow to Keep:
- Buy more comics
- Drink more rum
- Watch more movies
- Have a lot of sex
- Play more video games
- Listen to a lot of music
- Never go on a diet
- Spend every Saturday in pajamas, reading and watching movies
- Sleep late every Sunday
- Eat more steak. And pie. And lobster.
- Bitch about everything I have no control over
- Piss off my mother
- Take more naps
- Spend a lot of time in front of the computer
- Continue to ridicule those on the road who do not drive as well as I do
- Squander money on action figures and other childish toys
- Eat a huge bowl of sugared cereal at least once a week
Hmmm. By looking at that list, one would assume that I am a lazy, obnoxious, food-obsessed, money-wasting lush whose hobbies are sleeping, sex and engaging in juvenile pastimes.