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predictions: bloggers editions

Ah, New Year's Eve. Time for ruminating and resolutions. Also time for drinking, throwing up and making an idiot of yourself, but we'll get to that later.

I'll join the ranks of millions and make some predictions. But I'll stick to a subject I happen to know a lot about: bloggers.

  • Glenn Reynolds will write the sentence Indeed. 145 times.
  • Oliver Willis will post 38138 photos of Britney Spears and/or Beyonce in various stages of undress.
  • Bill will alienate every single one of his readers.
  • Allah's true identity will be discovered. He is, indeed, Jesus.
  • One of the Bitch Girls will run for public office under the platform of Guns Are Sexy!
  • Stephen Green will get violently ill after drinking too much Grey Goose one night and subsequently change his blog name to TequilaPundit.
  • Dr. Frank will have to close down his blog when the new MTX album becomes such a huge hit that groupies start leaving pictures of their underwear in his comments.
  • Mikey will make 1,389 references to porn.
  • Jim Treacher will be the subject of an internet exposť.
  • Stacy will develop the ability to kill a trolling commenter just by thinking about it.
  • James Lileks will reveal that his favorite song is Sister Christian by Night Ranger.

As for me, I have only one resolution, one prediction. I will get something published this year.

Feel free to add your own blogger predictions. I'm off to buy annoying noisemakers and silly hats and lots of liquor so I will not have any inhibitions about using the annoying noisemakers and silly hats.

Update: I really meant to type "138" in reference to Oliver. Seriously, does anyone in their right mind think he could stop at 38? Maybe I should make it 538....


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» Happy 2004 from The Bitch Girls
I wish I had time to say more about the coming year today. I'm just happy that we made it into the year without any major events. I hope you all had a lovely evening. I spent mine taking a [Read More]


Dude, I can already do that, try again. :)

Michele, vexed with the continual misspelling of her first name, will officially change her name to Don'tPissMeOffThanks Catalano.

I'm thinking that every pick in the ATS Dead Pool will live for the entire year. You know, just like 2003.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to type with nails in your wrists? Do you? No, you don't. Which reminds me, can anyone lend me a pair of pliers? No? Great.

By the way, I'm not sure why, but somehow the Lileks one feels so . . . so right.

Michele, I never cared for the song "Sister Christian" -- the lamest song ever recorded by NightRanger, truly. But since you posted about it so long ago, I am transfixed by it whenever I hear it on the radio. I have to listen to it -- every word, every note, every sound.

And curse you for it.

38? That's only 3 a month. I have more confidence in O-Dub than that. Put me down for 50. If you throw in Jessica Alba, 75.

Rhyme, scan, meter, and foot will arrive here. And a point will appear.

Our beloved Emperor will be signed by CBS to revive and host the Howdy Doody show.

Militarily strategic caves in Pakistan will be assaulted from the air by flying, semtex laden pigs.

"Indeed" only 145 times? That's almost once every 3 days. Once every 150 posts or so.

I predict Michele will change the background image 7 times next year.

i predict that you michele
will become even fiercer,
a woman than ever before
and i predict that either you will get someting published this year
or i will
whoever does first buys the other babe
a glass of bubbly
hows t hat?

"Jim Treacher will be the subject of an internet exposť."


The James Lileks/Hugh Hewitt cage match will continue, with Hewitt proclaiming that Lileks is a Wham! fanatic and Lileks responding that Hewitt can't get enough of Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute.

I predict that either I will have an auto accident or one of the idiots tailgating me will.

Double credit if I nail the sumbitch -- er, we're both in the same accident.

THIRTY-EIGHT? Maybe just in January. If I only post 38 pictures, call the cops because I've been abducted by Al Qaeda. Or, I'm actually with Beyonce & Co.

Thirty-eight. Really. That kind of talk tells me that you obviously hate America.

I think Bill has already done that.

you say that as if there's something wrong with porn...

and by the way, for my money, When You Close Your Eyes was a wayyyy better Night Ranger song than Sister Christian.

have a great New Year, Michele!

"When You Close Your Eyes." Wow. Total nostalgia trip.

How did you know? The reason I've been too busy to blog is because I'm running around the country building up my war chest to run for president. Well, first I have to get the requirements changed. I don't wanna wait until I'm 35...my breasts might not be quite as perky and that's half of my battle plan.