busy busy, repeat, busy
I start an eleven day vacation tomorrow. I need to get all this work out of here before 2pm on Wednesday and the office cleaned up so I can enjoy my vacation without work guilt hanging over my head.
Far be it from me to leave you without something, though. I'm just thoughtful like that.
This was originally posted at Raising Hell right after Christmas 2002. I think it might come in handy for some of you today.
Helpful Christmas Hints
Now that Christmas 2002 has come and gone, I would like to offer you some helpful hints that you may want to keep in mind for next year:
When your kids stop believing in Santa, you can still deflect the blame of bad or missing presents.
"Sorry kids. The economy sucks. If you don't like your presents, write a letter to your congressman."
"I didn't get you that Grand Theft Auto video game because Joe Lieberman says that video games rot your brain and make you crazy."
"Tipper Gore said I shouldn't buy you the Eminem CD. Take it up with her."
"I know you wanted the $100 Nike sneakers, but I didn't want to support child labor and sweatshops. Payless shoes are made in America, kids! Wear them with pride!"
Keep your expectations of your kids behavior on Christmas morning low. In fact, if you encourage the kind of behavior you pretty much figure will happen, you won't end up being disappointed.
"Ok, kids, it's 9am, time to argue about who got more presents. Natalie, you go first!"
"Don't forget to scowl when you open the hand knitted sweater from Aunt Rosie. She will be terribly disappointed if you actually pretend you like her gifts."
"Make sure you act jealous when your cousin opens his X-Box. In fact, stamp your feet and run out of the room just to heighten the dramatics."
Insist your kids get up at 4am, thus taking away the joy they derive from waking you at 5am.
"Do you think Santa flew all the way here and left these presents so you can sleep in like lazy bums? Get your asses up right now!"
Make sure to throw in a few gag gifts just so you have something to laugh about at 5am.
"Santa says brushing your teeth is an important part of your day. I knew you would love the economy pack of toothbrushes, then."
"I know you think a bucket of cleaning supplies isn't a great present, but I do think Santa is trying to send you a message."
"But I thought you still loved Barney!" (This gift should be saved for when your 12 year old child's friends are present.)
Ok, so Christmas did not go exactly like that at our house, though I harbored thoughts of implementing a few of the ideas.
Natalie and DJ no longer believe in Santa, but they still insist on leaving out a snack and a note for the jolly old man. This year, DJ fell asleep early, so Natalie put out a rather obnoxious note with the wine and cheese:
Take the brother!
Santa left this note for her:
I hope you like coal.
P.S. Your brother got more presents than you!
Hope your holidays were as fun as ours!