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dream a little dream: i choose you, pikachu!

In last night's dream, I was on one of those reality shows where a guy gets to pick a date. Even though I was married, I got picked to be on the show after my sister inadvertantly signed me up (she thought she was signing me up for karate lessons with a man dressed in a Pikachu costume).

So, I go on this show and just go through the motions when I realize my two rival conestants are kind of slutty and I don't stand a chance. I purposely ruin my chances for winning when I taking the guy out for a ride on an ATV and I fail to negotiate a hairpin turn, thus tipping the ATV over and causing the guy to fall into a river. I get up, wipe my hands on his jacket and go home.

No, not home. I'm at my mother-in-law's house in Pennsylvania. My sister calls and needs me to come home and watch her son because she is going to be artificially inseminated and she has to leave now. I start walking home. To New York. I make it there in under ten minutes. Turns out I'm not just watching my nephew, but at least a dozen other kids, all of whom have foul mouths and smell like they hadn't had a diaper change in months.

I leave the kids and go to a movie theater where they are showing the finale of that show I was on. And then I'm whisked away by an usher who brings me to the set of the show so I can be there for the big announcement. I'm holding a plate of spring rolls (spring roll imagery thanks to last night's episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force) and whispering stage instructions to the two bimbos.

All for naught, all for naught. Seems our hero has not chosen either of the girls, and is locking lips with the male stage-hand. He keeps saying I choose you! I awww and ahhhh because it's so cute and romantic while the two slutty girls are horrified.

That's when the plastic replica of the Concorde comes swooping down and a robot captain appears telling me to get on board if I want to live. I climb into the plastic jet and it's filled to capacity with little kids in smelly diapers.

The horror.
***

Yep, that's all I got this morning. I'm in full Christmas panic mode and - right on schedule - I have gone into my yearly frenzy of "I don't have enough presents for everyone!" and now there's only three days left to shop and I'm working full days on all of them. Tonight is Hannukah dinner for my brother-in-law. I have to make my famouns matzoh ball soup. I still haven't wrapped anything yet. It's my December 22 Day of Dawning Horror when I realize that Christmas might not be the perfect fantasy world of a Norman Rockwell painting that I strive for - and fail to live up to - every year.

This thought to be continued.

Comments

I dreamed of YOU last night. I was trying to get you to explain the new terror alert meaning.

Sorry, my dreams aren't very linear, that was the only recognizably "normal" part. The rest was glowing pink\purple monkey angels, Elvis rocket cars over the Golden Gate Bridge, and defending a refrigerator at The Alamo.

Seriously.

Might have been a freezer, never got the chance to open it.

Gee, can I have some of that?

I missed your "famouns" matzoh ball soup! But, your fathers was pretty good!!Thanks for the company anyway.