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Memos to various people

To: Jacques Chirac:
Re: Banning religious wear in schools

Jacques - Enjoy your future assasination. I give it two months until someone tries to stick a knife in your back. Maybe a mental health exam is in order?


To: Vatican
Attn: Cardinal Martino
Re: Treatment of Saddam

Get back to me when you can show the same compassion for all the kids raped and molested by your priests.

To: Sen. John Kerry
Re: Your remarks on Howard Dean

Someone named Kettle called for you. Something to do with the word black.

To: Santa
Re: A-Rod Deal

Is this the year you finally get something on my Christmas list right?

To: George Steinbrenner
Re: Sheffield

See, Festivus. You're first on my list, George.

To: PETA
Re: Telling kids thier mommies are murderers

If you ever approach one of my children with your propaganda, I will personally see to it that you are brought to a meat farm, killed, dismembered, ground up into pieces and sold to Wendy's to be used as hamburger meat, where you will then be grilled, sold and eaten by a pig farmer.

Then you can tell my kids I am a murdering mommy.


I'll take your memos right here. But don't expect me to make coffee.

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Comments

Peta clowns need to be arrested as child abusers for this one.If one of those MFers gave any of their crap to my kid.I would have the police lock them up and press for full prosecution.

Please dont let Wendy's use them. Prehaps White Castle?

Also there opening that ice cream place near me....Right nect Quintos Sub store

The Damn Yankees finalized the deal with Shefield, so you can stop bitching about it....

Don't count your chickents, blah, blah. We've still got a chance to pick up A-Rod and more importantly, we DID pick up Foulke, which was a higher priority in my book.

"If you ever approach one of my children with your propaganda, I will personally see to it that you are brought to a meat farm, killed, dismembered, ground up into pieces and sold to Wendy's to be used as hamburger meat"

Are you in the San Diego area....I thought my combo #1 tasted a little "different" today.

As far as PETA goes, flip common retort from the abortion argument.....if you don't like fur, don't buy it.

PETA...the Howard Stern of activists....initially shocking but eventually a numbing repitition of the same gags repackaged.

Take faith...if the Sox get AROD.....Nomar could do a "Getting my Ring" Vengence tour with the Yankees alah Clemens.

Ya, when do the Red Sox fans start whining about how the Yankees always buy their championships?

Good grief, those people in the Red Sox front office are pushing all of the buttons aren't they? Is it panic? Let's analyze:

AROD instead of NoMAHHH-Hmm. I say it's about a wash. ARod is the best in the game, no doubt, and probably more of a team leader, but is he really going to do that much more than Nomah can do?

Maglio Ordonez instead of Manny Ramirez. (Nomah is going to White Sox it appears for Maglio when AROD comes to town)-Manny is the better player offensively, but Ordonez is less of a head case. Could be about a wash, but probably a step down in talent, offensively speaking anyway.

But the Red Sox didn't need more offense, or defense...so why the big push here? The real smart moves came in bolstering their starting pitching and relief...since apparently, Pedro can only go 6 innings (snicker). Schilling is a nice pick up, if he stays healthy, but how much does he have left in the tank? Foulke (the reliever from Oakland) is the best pick up IMHO. This will make it easy for ANY manager they eventually hire to sit Pedro in a tight game in the late innings instead of feeling compelled to stick with him and get himself fired.

So does it all translate into a trophy? Of course not! I mean, what are they going to do about the ball rolling between people's legs late in the game when all they need is 1 out to win the Series?

WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ABOUT THE FREAKING CURSE?

Nothing! MWAHAHAHA! THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO!!! They could field the starting line-up from the AL All Star team everyday, they could unfreeze Ted Freaking Williams and clone him into 9 starters and it still wouldn't matter come playoff time now would it Sox fan?

A curse is a curse of course of course and no one can mess with the curse of course.

Bottom line: They will be talking about winning the Series in May at Fenway, maybe even running away with the division since George is back to his meddling ways with the Yanks, but it will all add up to the usual old let down.

When will they ever learn?

Thanks for the space Michele.

Michele, yer startin' to scare me!
I had the exact same reaction to that stupid Cardinal wringing his hands about Saddam. The Catholic Church just can't seem to get their priorities straight. You'd think that someone at the Vatican might figure out that publicly fretting over the fate of one of history's great mass murderers isn't the best PR move they could make, especially in light of their own long-term coddling of child-molesters. I guess murder and child-molestation fit right in the same category with condom usage as far as they're concerned...

The Red Sox don't need A-Rod, IMO. Garciaparra is a great player in his own right, and his ego seems significantly smaller than A-Rod's. It just doesn't make sense to try to improve a position where you already have a potential Hall of Famer. It's understandable to try to move Manny Ramirez, because he's a disruptive force on the team. However, I think they're showing very little class OR good sense in trying to get rid of Nomar.

Well, the players union has thus far rejected the offers by the Red Sox and the Sox apparently have not taken to the suggestions offered by the union.

To: Jim Fassel

About Goddamn time!

Precioussss callsss to Chirac/Gollum...he musssst rule all.

FESTE, comparing Jacko Chirac to Gollum is an insult — to Gollum.

Riyadh delenda est!

Nomar's not gonna resign with the Sox, he made that clear when he turned down $15 mill a yar in the Spring. Arod will be under contract for 4 or 5 more years. That is the reason for the deal.

Oh, and did I mention I hate the fucking players union? If Arod wants to play for nothing more than a lifetime supply of New England Clam Chowder, that should be his right. This is exactly what happens when you sign away freedom in exchange for security. You eventually get screwed. Happens on a national economic level, and it happens at the local union level too.

Hear! Hear to all! Go Bosox!

Chirac finally grew a pair, on this.

I, for one, applaud him for it. (Even if I'm not strictly sure it's a good idea to ban religious headgear in schools; I don't think anyone's under the impression this is meant as anything other than a battle of symbols, France vs. Islamism. And in that context, I gotta root for France.)

"Riyadh delenda est!"

Mecca delenda est. Medina delenda est. al-Aqsa delenda est. Dar al-Islam delenda est.

It's over now. The World Series has finally finished and what a hell of a series it was. 4 games long with 12 runs scored by the Cards and 24 by the Sox. 86 years in the making, the Sox have done it, and they will do it again next year! Go sox!