all i want for christmas is for the red sox to suck
There is really only one thing I want for Christmas. It's not jewelry and it's not cash and it's not even video games. In fact, it's nothing that can be made by your hardworking little elves (Is that politically correct? Should I call them height challenged laborers?) at the North Pole.
Santa, I need to you to work some magic for me. I've really been a good girl this year. I didn't kill all those people I threatened to. I didn't run anyone over. I gave to charity and was nice to small woodland creatures and ate my vegetables. So I ask for just this one thing, this one gift that would lighten my days for years to come; especially the days from April through October.
The present I want is simple: Please fix it somehow so that A-Rod does not play for the Red Sox. I will do anything in return and I mean anything. I'll work in your toy sweatshop next Christmas season. I'll help you hand out toys. I'll beat up any fake Santa that is ruining your good name. And I'll...well, I'll just give you all things that Mrs. Claus refuses you. I am that serious about wanting this gift for Christmas.
I don't care where you send him, where your beautiful magical powers lands him. I don't even care if its on the Hated Mets. Just please, Santa, let me wake up on Christmas morning knowing that Rodriguez will never join the Hated Boston Red Sox.
P.S. I love you, Santa.
P.P.S. I mean it about that Mrs. Claus thing.
P.P.P.S If you let A-Rod go to the Red Sox, the terrorists win.