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thanksgiving advice(4): Godzilla, death by Ann Coulter and sauteed squirrel

turkey5.gifWhen bludgeoning members of the Tin-foil hat brigade, what is the best
implement of blunt-force trauma? Does it differ for those on the left and right?


Pete, what does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Have you invited tin-foil brigade members over for dinner? If so, then you deserve whatever you get. However, I will give you the advice you seek. For blunt-force trauma- which means you aim to severely disable, if not kill, your victim - you must do the following: Track down both Ann Coulter and Michael Moore. Kill them, chop off their heads and wrap each head in brown butcher paper. When your tin-foil hat friends start talking their talk, bash them in about the brain area with the appropriate head.

I suggest leaving town after that.

turkey5.gifI've heard vicious rumours that I should cook my turkey breast side
down. This just seems wrong to me. Do you have any breast preferences?


Dave, I clearly stated that I don't know anything about cooking turkey. I do, however, know how to cook squirrel. So just take use these instructions and substitute turkey where it says squirrel.

1 squirrel, quartered
1 cup diced onion
2 large tomatoes (from your garden) or 1 can of tomatoes
Assorted fresh ,or canned veggies
Sprinkle seasoned salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper (optional) liberally on the meat. Pour some cooking oil into a large pot (dutch oven). Sauté the meat with the onions until well browned. Drain the excess oil, add about 2 cups water, and bring to a boil. Cut up the tomatoes and add. If you use canned tomatoes add them now. Turn down the heat, and let slow cook for at least an hour. Important: older squirrels may require cooking longer than an hour. Check periodically for tenderness. If you don't you will have a hard time chewing the meat. After the meat is tender, add the veggies, carrots, potatoes, banana pepper, what ever you like. Cook until the veggies are done. An option you can use is, cook up your favorite pasta and serve over the pasta. (eliminate the potatoes).

turkey5.gifWhy do they always have Godzilla (aka Gozero) TV film festivals on

--Mr. Cracker Barrel

Very good question, Cracker man. For the answer to this, I turned to my trusty sidekick, Chun-Li, who writes:

A little know fact about Thanksgiving is that it originated in Japan, not America. Long before the Pilgrims even heard of Plymouth Rock, we had set aside a day of thanks in November, to thank Godzilla and his gang for not eating us. Eventually, Godzilla tired of just getting a simple verbal thanks and had his lawyer write up a contract stipulating that in return for Godzilla not devouring us and destroying our city, we would make movies about him and his crazy adventures, and we would air them on tv every November. Eventually, the contract was bought out by your American television executives and now you are stuck watching cheaply made, badly dubbed stories about that stupid monster. Personally, I think Mothra was much nicer.


It seems likely that tomorrow will be a blog and band message board-free day for me. Any advice on how best to cope with the computer cold-turkey on Turkey Day, oh wise goddess of the miniscule triumph?

Oops, sorry. I didn't realize that I was asking about turkey. I thought it was a breast question. Meanwhile, I am quite grateful for the squirrel recipe as one never knows when one may be called on to produce some decent squirrel. Thank you so much!

Thanks! I'll get right on that! As a matter of clarification, should the lefties be beaten with Moore's or Coulter's head?

As to how it relates... I think we'd all be more thankful if said brigade-members were beaten appropriately, and more often, no?

I am very happy, to find a site like this. I hope
that i can learn a lot for my children. Many greatings from germany.