thanksgiving advice corner (1): Hitler, eating al sharpton and family fueds
White or dark meat?
Well Blue, that depends on what you're talking about. You really must learn to be more specific in you questions. However, I am going to assume that you were playing straight man and leading me into making a sexually explicit joke at your expense and I will not fall for that. That said, I think that dark meat is digusting but don't go by me because I don't really like the white meat, either.
In the event that my husband and in-laws are drunk as lords by four pm and start a huge intra-family fight, the details of which span the last forty years, am I justified in kicking them all out? Just flat out turning them out of the house until they can behave? Or should I quietly slink off to my room, lock the door, pop a valium, smoke a bowl, and refuse to come out until they shut the hell up?
What do you recommend, O Thanksgiving Advisor?
I like being addressed in a reverent tone. I could get used to that.
Kelley, my friend, you have come to the right person. Many years ago during my first marriage, I had Thanksgiving at my house. That day is now known as the Rumble on Ramona Street. My father v. my husband in a steel cage fight to the death. That was the last holiday I ever had at my house. In order to avoid catastrophes like this, you just don't invite them over. I see that's too late for this year, so I will tell you this: Pot and valiums don't mix. I suggest pot and a few shots of Jagermeister. Then let your family members fight their own battles. Don't worry, blood washes off of the china just fine.
What do you do when your grandfather starts discussing his affection for Hitler at the dinner table, and there's a lot of company there, some of which are very elderly people who suffered under Stalin and percieve people who are anti-Hitler to be Stalin sympathizers? Do I continue to keep my mouth shut and rant online later, or do I...engage the issue, keeping in mind that my grandfather is a...politically passionate...man?
First of all Stacey, I cleaned up your grammar. Don't they teach you proper captilization over there?
Now, let's deal with Grandpa and pals. Here's the plan: Next time they all come over, you hire a bunch of actors to dress up as World War II era American soldiers. You play a tape recording of bomb-type sounds. The "soldiers" come bursting into the dining to the dining room shouting "Surrender Nazis! The war is over!"
When everyone has their hands up in surrender, you slip straight jackets on them and send them off to the Springfield Retirement Castle. Sit back, pop open a beer and relish the silence.