reasons to be thankful, part three
We all know what you're thankful for. Your family, your health, your freedom, the food on your table, the clothes on your back, your good friends and Fridays.
But seriously. Is that what you're really thinking when you gather around the Thanksgiving table and hold hands and bow your heads and wait for Grandpa to finish muttering his thanks to 125 years worth of relatives you never heard of before you can dig into the mashed potatoes?
Your family and friends know you're thankful for them. They know you appreciate all the times you bum rides or borrow money from them. They know that you really like the puke-green knitted afghan they got you for your birthday. So let's not waste our time engaging in tired cliches of Thanksgiving. Let's be honest.
Me, I'm thankful for a lot of things. Fresh ground coffee, drive-through fast food, pens with erasers, grilled cheese sandwiches, comic books, DVD burners, Best Buy, Target, broadband connections, free porn, margaritas, Amazon, Fosted Mini-Wheats, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, anti-lock brakes, four-wheel drive, movie previews, push-up bras, spellcheck, keyboard shortcuts, the Green Bay Packers, Bucky Dent, Converse high tops, Six Feet Under, Carnivale, Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme, double orgasms, cigarettes and Zippos, punk rock, White-Out, cordless keyboards, post-its, biodegradable tampons, Motrin, Mike Patton, Excedrin Migraine, painless dentistry, headphones, highlighters, hot bagels, VH1, microwave ovens, mircowave popcorn, Toaster Streudels, sporks, DVD extras, Troma movies, Peter Jackson, peel-and-stick postage stamps, talking Hulk Hands, the Anime Network, Showtime Beyond, Moveable Type, Killians Red, ATM machines, hooded sweatshirts, Mr. Bungle, Homer Simpson, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Fark, Photoshop, Playstation 2, public libraries and Equal.
Just to name a few.
So here's your chance to bypass the usual sappiness and overwrought words of thanks which you will surely be, in droidlike fashion, trotting out at the dinner table tomorrow and which you will, by 8pm, regret saying because you realize that you actually hate your family, to give thanks to the unsung heroes of our lives; material possessions, intangible goodness, and anything that would make living out each of the seven deadly sins possible. What, besides the usual, are you thankful for?
You do not have to live in America to participate. I mean, even Europeans are thankful for some things, no? And, I'm not a total tool. I will have a real, heartfelt thanks to a special group of people tomorrow.