willy wonka meets the soft drink industry: in which i review a soft drink
Remember the scene in Willy Wonka when Violet turns Violet? She was eating that little piece of candy that was supposed to contain all the elements of a nutritious dinner, with the added bonus of being able to actually taste all those components.
You thought that was just fiction, right? You laughed at Violet and you laughed at Wonka, but meanwhile you were thinking, man, if that shit was real I would never have to make another meal again! But it is real! As long as you don't mind having dessert - specifically apple pie - for every meal, that is.
Snapple has brought the Wonka dream to reality. Snapple Pie is a a drink that looks pretty much like a thick lemonade but tastes like - ready for this? - apple pie! Not just the apple part of the apple pie, but the cinnamon and the vanilla and, my god, you can even taste the crust! It's like Thanksgiving in every sip.
The problem is, you'll only want one or two sips. I don't know anyone (save for my husband) who can drink an entire bottle. It may only be 16 ounces of soft drink, but your stomach would think you just ate two very large apple pies.
So, what do you do with a drink that has all these great qualities but is just too much to handle? Simple, you make another drink out of it. With alcohol. Because everything is better with alcohol.
Just take one bottle of Snapple Pie, one shot of Triple Sec, about three shots of Captain Morgan Rum, throw it all in a blender with a whole bunch of ice and let it whirr a little while until it's all smooth. Presenting: a new trend in drinks!
Guess what we're serving up at Thanskgiving dinner? You Manhattan metrosexual socialites can have your trendy green apple martinis. I'll be consuming a bit of that Captain Morgan's Apple Willy.
Great name, eh?
[*In the interest of fairness, I should admit that this post has been edited from its original content to reflect the fact that I'm an idiot and spelled Willy as Willie.]
Comments
I've been waiting for years for Purina People Chow to hit the market. All your nutritional needs, one cup in the morning, one cup at night. It would have saved me very much grief back when I had an eating disorder and the thought of food made me nauseous. I could have just nibbled one bite at a time until my daily allotment was done, then sleep guilt free.
Posted by: shell | November 24, 2003 08:43 PM
Yow...this sounds as tasty as the turkey and gravy flavored soda...
Posted by: Steve of Norway | November 24, 2003 09:00 PM
Because everything is better with alcohol
That about covers it I think.
Posted by: Ith | November 24, 2003 09:21 PM
That actually sounds pretty damn good, the mixed drink! Don't know if I would want to be puking it back up again four or five hours later though! Especially with the crust....
Posted by: Joe | November 24, 2003 10:15 PM
I'm reminded of the Saturday Night Live parody of Crystal Pepsi (Remember, circa 1993? Boy, did that go over like a lead balloon.). They did a commerical for "Crystal Gravy." Mmmm....clear gravy and liquid apple pie, just in time for Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Anne | November 24, 2003 10:40 PM
What do lesbosexuals drink?
Posted by: SondraK | November 24, 2003 11:23 PM
It's kinda cool that someone came up with the concept, but I don't expect I'll be partaking anytime soon.
The mixing with alcohol does sound like it could become a frat-party favorite. Just think - by suggesting this combination, you could soon be responsible for frat boys puking liquid pie all over the country!
Posted by: MikeR | November 24, 2003 11:39 PM
Hrrrm... I just may have to try that now...
Posted by: Ravenwolf | November 25, 2003 02:07 AM
Ten years ago or so there was a Double Bubble (Bubble Gum) flavoured soft drink on the market. And I could NOT get my body to swallow the drink because it tasted like bubble gum, and mom always told me not to swallow my gum. So try as I may, my body retched whenever I tried to chug it.
A sip or two and I was DONE. lol
Posted by: celestial blue | November 25, 2003 09:49 AM
I loved Crystal Pepsi. There was a soda machine in our dorm that was a slot machine: you'd either get 0, 1, or 2 sodas for your 2 quarters. Me and my friend Samantha would gamble on Crystal Pepsis to wash down a big bowl of popcorn while we pulled all night study sessions.
Those were the days.
Posted by: shell | November 25, 2003 10:10 AM
This has been in the works for a very long time...I once had "New York-Style Cheesecake" frozen yogurt in the campus dining hall. Also available was, indeed, "Apple Pie" flavor.
The truly eerie thing was that they both tasted like cheesecake and apple pie. Not all that bad, really.
Yes, this is a sign of imminent doom.
Posted by: Insomniac | November 25, 2003 11:58 AM
Think what you want about Crystal Pepsi, Shell. :-) I had the same response I had to white chocolate: "Hmm....this just tastes weird."
Posted by: Anne | November 25, 2003 12:21 PM
A lot of the Snapple drinks are formulated specifically for use with alcohol. They have (or used to have) Friday afternoon taste tests with various liquors.
Try some of the "Elements" drinks for mixers.
Posted by: cirby | November 25, 2003 01:08 PM
Google Jones Soda - They are the makers of the "Turkey and Gravy" soda.
Posted by: alan | November 25, 2003 01:34 PM
A great article on how why things taste the way they do is right here:
http://www.rense.com/general7/whyy.htm
It starts about McDonald's french fries but has a lot of info about the "flavor industry".
Posted by: alfredo stroessner | November 25, 2003 02:56 PM
I am liking the name Captain Morgan's apple willy.............snicker
Posted by: jennifer | November 25, 2003 04:39 PM
I like Snapple Mint Tea & Jim Beam
Posted by: Southron boy | November 26, 2003 03:55 PM