smooth criminal
Is this the beginning of the end for Michael Jackson? I wonder how many of his friends (Uri Geller, for instance) will stand up and say that Michael is just misunderstood? I suppose he is, in a way. When he says to a boy "come on over to Neverland," the boy doesn't understand that it's just another way of saying "I want to get in your pants," so essentially, Jackson is misunderstood.
What I'm waiting for here is another O.J. scenario. Michael fleeing in a car, Elizabeth Taylor at the wheel. The slow chase down Sunset Blvd. The cameras zooming in on Michael in the backseat, waving a gun around. No, wait. That's a baby he's waving around! The world is riveted as CNN stops all of its programming to watch Michael and Liz trying to make a great escape. We hold our collective breath. Will he get away with it? Will he blow his own brains out? Will he drop his baby out of the car window? Or will he fool us all and disguise himself as a black man, so he is basically unrecognizable?
And then Liz drives over the border, into Mexico, where she drops Michael off at the Titty Twister. He spends the rest of his days drinking with Cheech Marin and looking for "the real sodomizers." He vows not to rest until they are found. Church groups band together to make bonfires out of Michael Jackson records and, years from then, he will be but a faded memory, a legend of another time, a man who only comes to mind when an oldies station plays Weird Al's cover of Beat It.
It's the end of Jackson as we know him. And I feel fine.
Comments
Freak. Just a goddammed freak. I'd say 50-50 that Jacko offs himself...he knows that he could not survive in prison.
Posted by: david | November 19, 2003 03:55 PM
just goes to show...
Only in America can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman.
(I wish I could take credit for that line, and I wish I could credit who actually said it)
Posted by: Rob | November 19, 2003 04:16 PM
This give a whole new meaning to the song "Beat It".
Doesn't Jacko have a chimp too - what about spanking someone else's monkey....
OK, sorry about that, I will stand in the corner now.
Posted by: Ken | November 19, 2003 04:27 PM
That's the funniest take on it I've read. Hey, maybe Michael is clueless as to what sex is and thinks what he does is innocent, as innocent as what Clinton did with Monica maybe.
Posted by: mog | November 19, 2003 04:29 PM
Yep, Jackson's career is as dead as Roman Polanski's.
Posted by: Sean E | November 19, 2003 04:51 PM
I think he will cave under all this and they will find him dead somewhere.
Freak.
Posted by: Jen | November 19, 2003 04:56 PM
I heard Kobe Bryant just bought Michael a FIVE carat diamond ring.
Posted by: Joe | November 19, 2003 04:57 PM
Weird Al's version was "Eat It," actually. LOVE the image of Liz behind the wheel.
Posted by: Shelby | November 19, 2003 05:14 PM
I heard him and his family was holed up in Vegas... weird.
Posted by: Beth | November 19, 2003 05:33 PM
Ticks me off that they're "asking" him to surrender, even though they have a warrent for his arrest.
Posted by: Andyzero | November 19, 2003 05:37 PM
I'm not surprised by the fact that, once again, Michael Jackson is in the hot seat for child molestation. What I WOULD like to know, however, is what parent in his or her right mind would allow their child to be alone with Michael Jackson in the first place? Yes, it's wonderful that they're pressing criminal charges and aren't pressing civil charges. They want "justice". What they SHOULD have done in the first place is to run away from Neverland as far and as fast as their legs would carry them. Surely this was reckless endangerment.
Posted by: Omnibus Driver | November 19, 2003 05:50 PM
From "The Ville"
http://ville.blogfodder.net/
<>
ABC should be ashamed of itself.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 19, 2003 06:17 PM
Blargh! Sorry about that, it didn't take. Lessee...
From "The Ville"
http://ville.blogfodder.net/
"In a television documentary broadcast on ABC earlier this year, Jackson said he had slept in a bed with many children. "When you say bed you're thinking sexual," the singer said. "It's not sexual, we're going to sleep. I tuck them in. ... It's very charming, it's very sweet."
See above what I said about ABC.
Posted by: Andyzero | November 19, 2003 06:18 PM
I second the opinion, what parent in their right mind would let their young child stay over at an accused child molester's home? Did he pay the parents to "babysit" their children, or did the parents use their kids as a potential ticket to Jacko's pocketbook (which is in dire straights, from what I gather)? Love the image of La Liz at the wheel makin' a getaway (dripping in diamonds, of course). I just don't understand people!
Posted by: Rae | November 19, 2003 06:20 PM
You are a funny funny person, Michele.
Posted by: Faith | November 19, 2003 06:37 PM
I just heard that he jetted off to Europe in a private jet(Gulfstream V anyone?). You know the Euro weenies will forgive him and wouldn't dare extredite him back here.
Posted by: alfredo stroessner | November 19, 2003 07:35 PM
doesn't anybody else think mj should have made the transition to a vegas show YEARS ago? hell, elvis sold out there for years after he fully freaked out. mj would have been a natural for vegas.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo | November 19, 2003 07:46 PM
i can't believe no one sees this- doesn't anyone realize that Michael has been replaced by some sort of twisted automaton? a la Stepford Wives?
Posted by: pril | November 19, 2003 08:24 PM
The once great emaciated king of pop will soon be the king of poop in some prison cell where he's treated like a two dollar bitch. Times are tough all over!
Posted by: Joe | November 19, 2003 09:55 PM
At this point he's too weird for Vegas. Next stop - Branson, Missouri. He can open up a theatre next to Yakov Smirnoff.
Posted by: MC666 | November 19, 2003 09:58 PM
I'm pretty sure that Liz told him to get stuffed a year or two ago. Maybe he could get that Bashear reporter to drive the getaway vehicle, all the while proclaiming his innocence and childlike fascination with the world.
Gak.
Posted by: Keith | November 19, 2003 10:14 PM
Gosh, Michele. You beat me to it(no pun intended). I said that Creature-Feature would likely "swim the Rio Grande" in the other direction.
Posted by: Juliette | November 20, 2003 12:27 AM
Guess what! Uri Geller was interviewed on the radio in Israel and said....that Michael Jackson was misunderstood!
Posted by: Allison | November 20, 2003 07:43 AM
I understand posting about Jackson, but who's the chick in the picture?
Posted by: Ken Summers | November 20, 2003 10:01 AM
Racism triumphs again! Because Michael is a progressive and rich Minority, the racist powers are threatened and will do anything to bring him down. Michael has become yet one more political prisoner of the racist climate of America!
Free Michael!
Free John Muhammed!
Free Mumia!
Posted by: h™ | November 20, 2003 11:16 AM
But h, he's not a minority anymore. He's whiter than I am.
Besides, if we wanted to bring down a big, rich minority target we'd go after Oprah. She's much richer than the monkey spanker.
Posted by: Ken Summers | November 20, 2003 03:24 PM
I think jeko is the best!!!!
Posted by: Chiara | December 17, 2003 10:50 AM
He's brilliant at singing and writing and is not a feak!
Posted by: ******** | January 9, 2004 05:55 AM
I think you ahould all shut the fuck up personaly you are all blind to the truth and are poisned by the media filth! So fuck u all and ur sick jokes.
Best wishes to michael and I hope the rea; trith comes out of this mess!
Posted by: Lozza | January 15, 2004 04:09 PM