bruce dickinson is a poet, man!
Mr. Norbizness (he of the happy furry puppy stories) has come up with some new genres of rock and roll that are more descriptive than the labels and genres that already exist: For instance:
Crap Rock: The hippie uncle of Butt Rock. Extremely derivative, lowest common denominator music, usually preferred by Homer Simpson: Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Grand Funk Railroad, Foghat, Foreigner, Kansas, Mountain, Nazareth, Steppenwolf, Three Dog Night, Uriah Heep. One or two songs will show up on classic rock radio.
Personally, I would have called it Homer Rock. Anyhow, Norb wants you to come up with your own categories and the bands that belong in them. Of course, I'm going to play along.
Pretentious Rock: Bands in this category usually have at least one member who is clasically trained and never lets an interviewer leave that part out. They will claim their influences are Hendrix, The Ramones and Beethoven. Look for long, drawn out solos, lyrics that reference great works of literature and concept albums. Bands include: Yes, Genesis (early Genesis), Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Iron Maiden, Dream Theater.
Reunion Rock: Made up of bands that either can't let go of the past or are very hard up for money. They can usually be seen together, touring beach theaters and half-filled stadiums on summer nights, trying to cash in on whatever retro craze is in the air. Bands include: REO Speedwagon, Journey, Simon and Garfunkle, any incarnation of the Sex Pistols, the Clash or Led Zeppelin, any and all hair metal bands from the 80's that still wear spandex and use Aqua Net.
I could do this all day. And I just might.
Ok, I got another one:
Bad Trip Rock: Consists of all the music you thought was deep and meaningful or way cool when you were stoned in high school, but you realize now is mostly crap. Bands include: Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Doors, Grateful Dead, late Led Zeppelin (hello, Fool in the Rain??) and umm....for some reason I can't seem to remember anything else.
Oh, one more:
Suck Rock: Any band whose lead singer is an ugly miscreant and whose music makes one wish for temporary deafness. Band: Limp Bizkit. It's their very own category.