« feelin' groovy | Main | since i know you're all dying to know »

speaking of voting on measures

I would like to propose a bill that would outlaw the phrase "I just spit all over my keyboard" or "You owe me a new keyboard" or any similar phrases indicating that someone's humor is so hilarious that you cannot hold your liquid refreshment in your mouth when reading his/her jokes/posts, etc.

It's worn out, it's lost it's original punch and let's face it - nobody really means it when they write it.

If there are any other internet-type phrases you would like to see banned forever, please let me know. I'll get a bill going for next election day. Ok, maybe just a stupid poll.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference speaking of voting on measures:

» BLOGGING REFERENDUM from OUTSIDE THE BELTWAY
Michele is in one of her moods again: I would like to propose a bill that would outlaw the phrase "I just spit all over... [Read More]

» The Letter Of The Day Is E from Electric Venom
E is for employment - it's up, much to the Dem's chagrin. E is for essays - the first in Zombyboy's series of them on affirmative action. E is for effective means to compel legislative attention to the issue of gay marriage. E is for electability evalu... [Read More]

» The Letter Of The Day Is E from Electric Venom
E is for employment - it's up, much to the Dem's chagrin. E is for essays - the first in Zombyboy's series of them on affirmative action. E is for effective means to compel legislative attention to the issue of gay marriage. E is for electability evalu... [Read More]

Comments

I'd like to take on a rider to your bill that would make it illegal, under punishment of bitch slap, to encourage someone or offer support by writing: hugs, hug, kisses, (hugs), ((hugs)), (((hugs))), kisses and hugs, or any derivative thereof.

"That needed a spew warning!"

"I support the troops, BUT..."

Oh, you just mean internet lines. Sorry about that.

I would like to ban any imitation of any Matrix character, but most especially the hand wiggle that Morpheus and Neo use. I would also like to dispense with descriptions of Blue Pills and Red Pills on website entrance pages.

Furthermore, I wish that people would stop saying "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards/dragons," because it doesn't sound so witty and original when you've heard it a bazillion times before. And yes, I know your reference. Yes, I see your geekitude points racking up.

ROTFLMAO!

Any and all abbreviations. Hell, extend the bill to regular writing so that people are banned from writing "Dr." instead of "Doctor" and other such abbreviations.

how about we ban the use of the term "metrosexual"... anyone typing, writing, or saying that word from now on should be put to death. by locusts.

people who leave comments that say stuff like "great site... you should come visit mine!" should be shot, too. shot with... locusts.

and while we're at it, anybody who has like, a billion smilies in their comments, so that the comment box takes a few minutes to show... they need to be punished too. locusts might be a bit harsh, though.

shit, since we're putting people to death, you may as well throw comment spammers in there too.

this list could go on and on.

I'm with Joseph on most abbreviations. Even when people I like use them, the abbreviations DW and DH (dear wife and dear husband, respectively) get my hackles up. Does your spouse have their own identity???

LOL!

And anyone who's caught writing some abomination like LOLOLOLOLOL! should be summarily executed.

Have we covered IMHO, AFAIK, IIRC, YKYBBTLW...?

Also, those damned animated smileys.

What...no smilies?

References to "drinking the koolaid." I'm over the joke already.

Joseph: the abbreviation of titles such as "Dr." and "Mr." are rather old conventions of English. Why should we start writing "Mister" and "Doctor" when referring to people's titles combined with their past names? By the way, the full version of "Mrs." is "Mistress." You go ahead and refer to married women as "Mistress" this and "Mistress" that. Go ahead. I'll watch.

That should be "last" names. It's been a long day.

"Hat tip." Please, no more hat tips. I think Andrea mentioned something in that vein a few months back, but that one gets my vote.

Amen to "Hat Tip."

Also:
1. Idiotarian
2. Asshat and all its variations. e.g. "asshattedness."
3. Moonbat
4. Money Quote
5. Meme
6. Any post that is intended to be shocking because it uses excessive profanity or makes outlandish, over the top statements about some person. You know, those posts that try to paint people as complete morons or tries to intentionally insult as many people as possible just for the sake of insulting people?

No to asshat; I use that instead of asshole to keep my PG rating. No to Moonbat; I use that when describing Mohamed Mahathir. No to meme, it's a word, and a good one, to explain something that has swept into common usage.

And no to hat tip, because it's common courtesy to credit the source of your link.

I don't use that keyboard line. I put "spit-monitor warning" on really funny posts, and my readers have thanked me for it. And also remonstrated with me when I didn't.

What I absolutely, postively, without a doubt CANNOT stand are those fake "Editor" asides. Puh-leeze. We all know it's you, either put them in parentheses without the doofy "--Ed." or simply leave them. I mean, duh, it's YOUR EFFING VOICE in the post to begin with!

They're as obnoxious as the 18th and 19th century "Dear Reader" lines in novels. Ugh.

I rather like "asshat" and all it's derivatives.

My personal internet-thingy that I'd love to see go away is the absence of capital letters and punctuation in e-mail and blogging. It may be fine for IRC and IM, but it does not work in the Real World. I know we were taught proper use of the English language in grammar school, please use it. Similarly, any and all senders of e-mails and comments in all caps should be disconnected permanently.

I guess I'm the "top 40" of the "blogosphere". I kinda like asshat, "monitor spitting", LOL, Moonbats, etc. Hell, I even like it when people give each other {{{hug}}s.

It's hard enough to convey feeling with the written word. No facial expressions. No tonal inflection. I say, give 'em a break. Let them show joy and pain and humor and sympathy as well as they are able.

So sue me. I never claimed to be cool.

(*(*(*(*HUGS*)*)*)*)

and anyone who thinks they're original when they make a comment and were too stupid to have read that 377 other people already had said that should be banned... You know, kinda like me.

Bloggers who refer to themselves 1) in the third person plural, and/or 2) uses their blog name in place of "I." We ourselves would never do that. Spleenville disapproves of such things.

No to asshat...it's just too useful.

People who use CAPS for emphasis MAKE me NUTS.

Oh...and asshats who underline words or phrases that aren't links.

How about
"Indeed"
or
"Read the whole thing"

You can find that on about 3274987458943 different sites on any given day. I'm guilty too!

Typical capitalist bourgeois thinking. "I have more than enough of X. Therefore let us do something about all that excess X."

Have you no consideration for the poor, proletarian blogger? The one who works long hours in a blogging factory, in return for a few "spit over keyboard" comments? Oh, Comrade, No! Spare a thought for the working poor. Do not deny them their only sustenance!

Can I still use the keyboard line when corresponding with porn sites?

"...do just that." This has long revealed itself as the most clumsy way of concealing clumsy sentence construction - and yet top reporters and bloggers continue to expect it to do just that.

Any and all AOLer speak. ;]

I've gotta disagree about the CAPS. I use all caps to signify loud voice or yelling. That's what it's supposed to be for and it's very handy. So, you still got a problem with that? I said, YOU STILL GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?

I'd like to see clue by four take a ride. Clue stick is still funny but clue by four is just too clunky and was just plain overused.

"idiotarian" has got to go - it is the stupidest bit of internet talk ever

I rather like "asshat"

"Fisk" could be put out to pasture too. Yawn. It's sooo 2001.

If we don't do this, I'll fisk you idiotarians on my warblog, and the terrorists will have won.

Andrea,

You make a good point on "Mistress," though that was a sign of respect back when it was used like that (and for the record, my wife is a "Ms", a term I find annoying since it doesn't actually mean anything.

PicusFiche,

Oh, how it drives me batty when people say "my husband," or "my girlfriend," etc. Wasn't their a Seinfeld about that?

As for asshat, I rather like that word. Quite appropriate for some people.

I've been agitating, on similar grounds, for a ban on the phrase "No more free ice cream..." for some time. That gets my vote.

How about "You owe me a new pair of Depends"?

"Spreading the linky-love."

Not my favourite phrase.

Great Heavens! Let's make sure these make the ban:
All limericks and poems that don't scan!

Jim: No, I haven't a problem with using caps to SHOUT...but it's very annoying when they're used instead of italics, bold or quotes to highlight words or phrases because I interpt them as shouting.

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When told that they did so,
He said, "I know so...
Because I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

That man from Japan gave us no kicks
As we sampled his cunning at low tricks.
     Sure, his poetry scanned
     But wed lend him a hand,
For his lines were, at times, rather prolix.

Nya!

Please include a rider to force use of paragraphs. With a line between. Mine eye gets so lost on looooong pages of dense text.

I like "asshat" and "Moonbat" but the smilies can go. [Except that one where he repeatedly bangs his head with a hammer -- that I like to see]

Musings....I HATE that word now.

Andrea--

What annoys me most of all about the corruption of the word "mistress" is that it should be the exact female equivalent of "master," yet it doesn't connote that at all. To say, for example, that my friend is a mistress in the use of color should be the same as saying a particular guy is a master of movies from the 40s. Yet it doesn't sound the same, and that's leaving out the fact that "master" is also a verb--and a handy one.

I myself admire the chicks who have such big brass ovaries that they call themselves "webmistresses."

I'll also defend "hat tip," because it's a short way of crediting someone.

I'm willing to go on record here as being a web nerd par excellance: I don't know what IIRC stands for. Nor YKYBBTLW. So they can't be such awful cliches after all . . .