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behind the music: julie's 16th birthday

Thanks (I think) to reader Brian, we have discovered the real meaning behind the song Julie's Sixteenth Birthday.

While the lyrics are quite umm..meaningful (see, Sap that Sells), I still don't see how they explain the cover art.

Have your tissues puke bag ready.

What's your hurry Jim? One more drink won't hurt nothin'
Well okay I said buth then I got to be runnin'
you see my little Julie just turned sixteen today
and tonight she is going out on her very first date

Lord knows I never been much of a father
Probably spent more time right here than I have at home with
my daughter
So tonight I'm making up for a lotta lost time
a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of broken promises


For once in my life I'm gonna do something right
I'm gonna be home for my Julie tonight
Its her sixteenth birthday (spoken) and you know its her first
This is one promise that I'm not gonna break

Aw come on, have one more Jim...you got plenty of time
But that one led to many and I lost track of the time
When I looked at my watch it was a quarter till eight
So I left in a hurry since I was already late

As I got closer to home I started to think
Won't do me no harm to have one more drink
So I reached for the bottle I kept under the seat
When I looked up, my whole life passed right in front of me

Next thing I remembered I was just comin' to
In a hospital bed and right then I knew
That I'd caused something awful to happen last night
On my way home to Julie to set myself right

At the foot of the bed stood my best friend Lou
He walked to my side and asked what he could do
I said, "Lou, I know I won't make it but don't let me die
Not knowin' the truth 'bout what happened last night

He said, "Jim, you lost control, crossed the yellow line
Hit a car head on and Lord I wish I was lyin'
Cause a young man was injured and a lovely girl died
And I thought about that last drink and tears filled my eyes

Ed note: You know what's going to happen next, don't you?

I said Lou, should I pass on before she comes in
Be sure and tell Julie how sorry I am for spoilin' her birthday
He said, "Jim, you can save your breath
Cause when you meet her in heaven, you can tell her yourself

Raise your hand if you were blindsided by that revelation.

No one?

Didn't think so.

Anyhow, I still think the Julie in the picture is a runaway teenage prostitute.


Can't say I was too surprised there. Shouldn't the album cover at least reflect that Julie's dead? I'm thinking her broken corpse laying across the table while Ol' Yellow Coat takes a sip from his flask. Kind of a Norman Rockwell moment.

And here I was thinking she was so sad because he was forcing her to blow the bartender to pay for his next pitcher.

I guess folks back then were in denial about a lot of things, but it's still awfully hard to see how anyone could have come up with an innocent interpretation of that photo...

BWAAAAA!! Sob!! Nope, no idea that Julie and the boyfriend were going to bite the dust. None.

There's a sleazy subtext to that photo, for sure. I also see a teenage runaway and a guy in the throes of a mid-life crisis (but without the budget for a sports car, hence his pursuit of....escort services).

Oh crap, it's the ultimate in sappy Dead Teenager Songs, with a creepy subtext to boot. Is it just me, or is the song equivalant of that boring "my mommy killed me today" poem about abortion?

And Ryan, Ol'Yellow Coat is the perfect name for Mr. Creepazoid.

Good grief, that's even worse than "Tell Laura I love her"

Makes me want to post the lyrics to "I want my baby back".

Aw, what the hell. Here they are. Enjoy.

Tell Laura I love her, but now I'm a teen angel because I drove Dead Man's Curve. I didn't listen to Laura when she told me, "Don't Be a Hero"; I was too busy being the leader of the pack.

-- Billy

This song makes me want to drink.

And I don't drink.


Ed, you're shameless. Good job.

First that girl on the cover last saw 16 four election cycles ago. And second how cruddy is her life that she's in that dump on sweet 16?

Ugh. I shouldn't have read that just after eating. Even throwing out the merits of content (which aren't ANY, let alone many) the style is craptacular too. Any rhyme scheme that rhymes 'time' with. . . 'time'(!) needs to go.