a small victory: your personal shopper for the holidays
What would make a better gift for you favorite ultra-conservative than an Ann Coulter action figure? When I was young, we played with dolls like Betsy Wetsy and Chrissy, whose hair grew right before your very eyes. Now, with this Ann doll, you can start training those young girls at an early age to become bigoted shrews! Who needs dolls that blink and wet their diapers and live with their hunky boyfriend Ken when you - and your children - can have this darling thing? Do any of the right wingers on your shopping list have young daughters? Do any of the women on your list have Concerned Women For America as their homepage? This would make the perfect gift for them. Batteries sold separately. Brains not included. There is no truth to the rumor that some of the phrases the doll utters include: We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity and My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building. Unfortunately, is not equipped to sing Skid Row songs.
Now, say you are a leftie and you're giving that Coulter figure to your conservative father-in-law for Christmas. You'll need to alleviate the guilt you feel at participating in such a consumeristic charade as gift-buying. Well, here you go. Just wrap the gift in this paper. Not only will you be sending the message that you don't think too much of Ann Coulter, but you will be gently reminding your father-in-law that people all over the world are dying while he is celebrating Christmas. Relieve your guilt while doling some out. What more could a leftie want?
And that concludes today's Christmas Personal Shopper Experience.
Comments
It's the doll for people who think Barbie is overweight!
Posted by: Crank | October 22, 2003 11:41 AM
You had a Chrissy doll too? I got Chrissy and Velvet that Xmas, and boy did I love those dolls :)
Posted by: Ith | October 22, 2003 12:00 PM
Someone blogged somewhere that after he/she became more conservative in a dem family, the gift to some became yearly subscriptions to a conservative mag.
hehehehehehehehe
Posted by: Sandy P. | October 22, 2003 12:22 PM
Surely this is also a perfect gift for a lefty.
As long as you include a few pins...
Posted by: Simon Jester | October 22, 2003 01:06 PM
Usually action figures make people look worse. In Coulter's case it's a big improvement.
Posted by: Jeff | October 22, 2003 01:45 PM
Funny - I thought the gift wrap was some rightie's sick idea of a joke about progressives.
Posted by: Joseph J. Finn | October 22, 2003 01:48 PM
Kids, are you tired of pretending pickles are Hannity and Colmes? Well you can keep on pretending, but put down that liberal Barbie bitch and use the REAL Ann Coulter doll for the guest appearances.
Posted by: Ed | October 22, 2003 03:03 PM
I want one! Plus the GW Bush Action figure with flightsuit.
Ooh, I need some of that paper for wrapping my RICH leftwing friend's presents.
Posted by: alfredo stroessner | October 22, 2003 04:56 PM
Is the doll anatomically correct?
Posted by: Ken | October 22, 2003 07:03 PM
Just think what you could do with the Coulter/Clinton boxed gift set.
Posted by: Faith | October 22, 2003 07:27 PM
Ann Coulter is faux bigot. Which is many, many degrees lower than a bigot---simply because a bigot believes in most of the bigotry that the bigot practices. Coulter, on the other hand, endeavors to capitalize on bigotry. Coulter is a literary prostitute with her brazen street-walker variety of writer whore tricks and her fetish for footnotes. She gargles with the ejaculation of stereotyping, never quite swallowing the sticky mental semen for any heritage value it may or may not possess, but instead her true motivation, is to sell hardcovers, which is as transparent as a dripping dildo under her moral lingerie. With her opinionated masturbations, she has accomplished nothing but open up her legs as the high priestess of political porn to her readership that she grasps with her thighs and calves through the heavy panting of her intellectual postulations, only reaching what she considers as a climax when her pulp is put on the best-seller lists.
Posted by: RONHAWAII | October 22, 2003 10:49 PM
Having just read Ronhawaii's comments, I gotta say: I need a smoke.
Posted by: Simon Jester | October 23, 2003 08:49 AM
Would it be plaigerism if I borrowed some of Ron's colorful descriptive phraseology to use
when critiquing Hillary's newest book?
Posted by: jane m | October 23, 2003 05:39 PM
Dear Ms. JANE:
Hillary did not call me last night as usual. She is a very understandable women.....in my opinion.
Posted by: RONHAWAII | October 23, 2003 09:12 PM
I've ehard Ann Coulter described as a psychotic barbie and now we have that :) I think it's hillarious and probably a good collector's item.
One of my friends says Ann Coulter probably has a liberal boyfriend. That would be the height of odd. Plus Debbie Schlussell may beat her for sexy right-wing blonde soon.
Posted by: Green Baron | October 24, 2003 05:54 AM
ronhawiweewees comments are very typical of a left wing, anti christian, biggot that hate it when his positions and his obviously queer perverted friends positions are destroyed. lol, keep it up ann, i love it.
bush 2004. u stooges see a real president visting the troops this Thanksgiving? o yeah, i see devastation for libs one year from now. :)
Posted by: isthistaken | November 30, 2003 05:37 PM