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not everything old is cool again

Kids review video games of their parents' youth.

Donkey Kong:

Tim: It's strange that fire moves in this and has eyes. Oh no, the fire's coming. It's going to eat you. Are these barrels alive, too? Everything's alive. And Donkey Kong's mouth is made of pluses. Look: Plus, plus, plus, minus. They're trying to teach you math by brainwashing you.

Brian: How can you die from a fall of a whopping 3 inches?

Kirk: He's only an inch tall. He's a little short fat guy who eats way too much pizza.

EGM: Who's that chick Mario is rescuing up there?

Brian: It's Princess Peach.

Kirk: It's a hooker.

Niko: She looks cut in half.

Tim: Oh wow—she's one of those pole dancers.

You must read the rest.

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Comments

Christ that makes me feel old...

Damn that was funny. And I really needed to laugh this morning too.

I. Am. So. Old.

Wow. That was great. Good laugh for first thing in the morning, although, now I'm feeling a bit old. I STILL own that handheld football game!

ahh, the suckiness of pong.

Does anyone remember the first mario brothers game? with the freezing pipes and the flies?

or does anyone remember that luigi came from kongorilla? or one of those other donkey kong rip-off machines that were floating around at the time? Different colors and sometimes the levels were in a different order?

or am I just crazy?

Tim: Mario dies way too easy. Oh, grab the umbrella. Those are cool. Unfashionable, gay, but cool. Oh, 300 points. That's it? All you get is points? That's lame. Can't you do something with the umbrella?

Unfashionable AND gay? I don't think so...

After laughing my butt off for a few minutes, I just started feeling really, really, really old.

Crazy. Just crazy. I was laughing the whole time, but like everyone else, I'm starting to feel old. Even so, I liked this quote the best:

Brian: I saw a documentary on this. The game was so popular in arcades that it got jammed up with quarters.

Documentary. Documentary! Yeah.

I remember sucking at donkey kong. I was fairly decent at Tetris. Pong wasn't too bad for its time. And I did have one of those hand held football games. They had a baseball one, too.

LOL! They are right on when it comes to handheld football. I had one of those in the late 70's/early '80's and it sucked even then.