crossing lines with john edward
The fraud with the tv show, not the politician.
I thought of the man yesterday, as I was driving through town and passed by a house that had so overdone the Halloween thing with larger than life plastic blow-up spirits and ghosts gathered all over the yard, that I commented - to myself, as I was the only in the car - that it looked like John Edward was having a yard sale. Cracked myself up, I did.
And - stay with me here, because the two things really do tie in together - The Supreme Court said Tuesday it will decide whether the Pledge of Allegiance recited by generations of American schoolchildren is an unconstitutional blending of church and state.
Which leads me to this: John Edward can once and for all end this entire controversy over church and state; he can end the fight between atheists and agnostics and believers; he can end religious wars and jihads and put a finish to creationism v. evolution and possibly bring about world peace.
See, here is what I always wondered about Edward and others who claim to speak to the dead: Why aren't they telling us anything important?
Why waste time talking about Aunt Maude's garden when there are so many other things to be learned from the dead? Surely, just one of those spirits that has been contacted is dying, pardon the pun, to tell us something about the afterlife.
If I was on that show and that huckster pointed to me and asked my some vague question designed to get me to say that yes, you are certainly right that I once knew someone whose name started with the letter A and is now dead and it could be a dozen or so different uncles but yes, oh miracle of miracles you must be real Mr. Edward because my grandfather did die of heart failure, you are a pure genius because it's not like grandfathers die of heart failure every day, right? Right? And then he would say something like well, your grandpa wants you to know he's doing ok and I would stand up and say, now wait just a minute, John Edward. Here's what I want to know, not what you want to tell me.
And I would ask grandpa about the mysteries of life. What happens when you die? Is there real life out there? Is there a heaven? A hell? Purgatory? Was there a God waiting for you? If so, which god was it? Greek? Jewish? Was it Buddah? Or is it the Catholic god? Do you get to see people who are still alive? Do you spy on us? Was that you at grandma's funeral who knocked down the flowers?
And thus, grandpa would solve everything. He would tell us which god, if any, was the ruler of the afterlife. He would tell us what death is like.
So, why doesn't John Edward do this? Why doesn't he use his powers to speak to the dead for a greater purpose than his cash flow?
Well of course, he can't. And that's too bad, because if he could then the Supreme Court wouldn't even have to decide on this issue because grandpa would tell the name and demonation of the god that exists in heaven and we could all join hands and sing our praises and worship the same entity and peace shall be unto us, amen. Or he would just tell us that no, there is no god, it's just total chaos and anarchy in the afterlife with ghosts and spirits running around creating havoc, going through ex-girlfriends' underwears drawers when they are sleeping and making mischief so they can see the results of their pranks on the cover of the Weekly World News. Crop circles, indeed. That was just your Uncle Henry having fun.
But we'll never know if someone out there wants to tell us the truth because the only thing John Edward knows how to do is read between the lines of people's emotions. Until someone with better skills than he has steps up and proves what lies in the great beyond, we'll still have days like today when a couple of people in robes are going to decide the fate of the pledge.