« the red sox are satan's playthings | Main | psa »

limerick time: the Poetry Day Incestous Blogging Contest

Apparently it's National Poetry Day over in Jolly Old England. The BBC Magazine has a lovely little limerick contest going on, where they give you the first lines and you complete the limerick for fun, prizes and posterity.

I don't like their choices, of course, so I'll rip off their idea and hold the first annual National British Poetry Day Limerick at an American Blog.

The rules are simple:

  • Your limerick must contain the names/site names of at least one blogger.
  • Mentions of multiple bloggers (preferably with links) in your limerick will score you more points.
  • Putting the mentioned bloggers in a comprimising or scandalous position in your limerick gets points, as long as it is done so in a humurous manner, and not meant to intentionally hurt someone.
  • Posting the limerick on your blog and linking back to this post will score points.
  • Getting the blogger(s) you mention in your limerick to link to you gets more points (you must leave a comment here with the link).
  • If you are not a blogger, but participating, you can get handicap points.
  • Mentioning anyone running in the presidential race, or anyone who is thinking about running in the presidential race of 2004 is forbidden.
  • You cannot mention me in your limerick.
  • Extra points if you can squeeze in a reference to any of the following: donuts, the Yankees, hockey, Radiohead, menstrual cramps, Hello Kitty, PETA, Jonah Goldberg, NPR, The Village Voice, Google or Fark (that was a very random list, culled from walking through my blogroll and has no meaning, so don't look for it).
  • If you don't follow the standard limerick form, you are disqualified.

Post the limericks here and on your blog if you have one. Leave a link in the comments if you are participating.

A panel of judges will be formed out of a list of people who owe me favors. Scoring will be arbitrary, random, biased and unfair. There will be no recalls, no do-overs and no complaints taken. There is no prize except for the glory that comes with winning a really stupid limerick contest and maybe rhyming pundit with bunt it. Contest open until Saturday evening, unless I change my mind, which I am prone to do, or if no one is really interested in entering, and then this post will disappear to save me the embarassment of running a contest where nobody entered.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference limerick time: the Poetry Day Incestous Blogging Contest:

» Yippee!! A Contest! from Overtaken by Events
In honor of some silly poetry day in Jolly Old England, Michele is sponsoring one of her own. (Must be... [Read More]

» Yippee!! A Contest! from Overtaken by Events
In honor of some silly poetry day in Jolly Old England, Michele is sponsoring one of her own. (Must be... [Read More]

» Blogger Limericks from SquidBlog
Michele over at A Small Victory is holding a Blogger Limerick Contest titled: Limerick Time: the Poetry Day Incestous Blogging... [Read More]

» Ode to the Puppy Blender (A limerick for Michele) from angelweave
Michele of A Small Victory is having a limerick contest. I entered with this: Glenn Reynolds, that mad Puppy Blender Insisted his food dogs be tender. Two slices of bread, "Thanks, PETA," he said, And, similing, he hat-tipped the vendor. hln... [Read More]

» In Other News.... from Absinthe & Cookies (a little bit bitter, a little bit sweet)
Angel has been picked up for the entire season. This is of the good! The first two eps of the [Read More]

» Limerick Contest from Ramblings of SilverBlue
Michele, over at A Small Victory is having a limerick contest. Here's my submission: For blogging, dear Susie is best, but Tiger stands out from the rest. Bill, Pixy, and Tink, together make Silver Blue's rhymes stink... While the BoobieThon... [Read More]

» Don't get me started! from suburban blight
Lord, have mercy. Michele started a contest that I can't resist. My brain adores a rhyme, and limericks about people are so much fun. Gee, thanks Michele. I'll be trying to make up silly limericks in my sleep! There once... [Read More]

» Limerick Time.. and Link Hoaring All at once! And fighting the Blog War! from Not Quite Tea and Crumpets
Michelle has annoucned the Limerick time: the Poetry Day Incestous Blogging Contest. Well, since I couldn't get the "bonus list" to fit.. (probably could if I thought about it.), I went for the link hoaring bonus points (although they're not in thei... [Read More]

» Limericks from Amish Tech Support
Michele of ASV is holding a Limerick contest. The focus is on blogger names. Amish Tech Support has the wrong name It's not Amish, so they're without blame. Posts on Tech aren't there. His Support? Doesn't care! Does that dastardly... [Read More]

Comments

This should be fun. Hopefully I'll be feeling more creative after work.

Laurence Simon, the blogger of yore
Has a blog that feature cat stories galore
One day Nardo attacked him
While another cat whacked him
Who picked Laurence Simon for the Dead Pool? Score!

My non-existent poetry skills are about to be on display at
http://physicsgeek.blog-city.com/read/308419.htm

and here, too:

There once was a blogger named Glenn.

Who preferred writing by keyboard to pen.

He whipped out his axe

to make puppy snacks.

We all know what happened then.

The perplexing moonbat blogger, Hesiod
Had a real name of Hank, Bob or Ted
His political mind
Is one of a kind
Who knew that one could blog while brain dead?

James Lileks was writing his Bleat
And he was nude because of the heat.
Just then the phone rang
And Jasper nipped at his wang
Bad dog! That's not a dog treat!

Mentioning anyone running in the presidential race, or anyone who is thinking about running in the presidential race of 2004 is forbidden.

How the hell am I supposed to know who's thinking about running for President??? Hell, I've THOUGHT about it. :)

My sad attempt is on display < ahref="http://tomhall.blogspot.com/2003_10_01_tomhall_archive.html#106573284716745294">here and below.

Meryl has started a pool
Yasser's death would be cool
Peace Prize, my ass
He's killing en masse
To believe him is to be but a fool

Meryl! Link me!

I pinged you with my entry, but you specified to mention entries in comments, so here, again, is my entry:

There is an odd blogger named Helpful
Whose sanity is somewhat doubtful
Bill Shatner's double, dude!
His writings so very crude
Yet often entertaining and mirthful

It can also be found over at SquidBlog

There once was a deity named Allah,
As cute as a baby koala
It's rumored he Panted,
at least, so it's Ranted,
'bout a prince with a real long Poonawalla .

Seriously, it'll make more sense Here

Not to be the "poem police" folks but Limericks are dactylic.

e.g.

Masculine ending...

There WAS a young LA-dy from KENT
Whose NOSE was most AW-fully BENT
She FOL-lowed her NOSE
One DAY, I sup-POSE
And NO one knows WHICH way she WENT

(Lear)

Feminine ending...

A VA-porish LA-dy named HAR-rison
Did PINE for the LOVE of a SAR-acen
She HAD to con-FINE her
In-TENT to a SHRI-ner
Who SUF-fers, i FEAR, by com-PAR-ison

(New Yorker – circa 1935)

Feminine endings work in the bridge too. As in this entry...

Good Lim'ricks require a good planner,
And Ryan doth write in this manner.
His concepts are clever
His rhyming bad? Never!
(Oh, perhaps a small boost as a scanner)

Yeah, I know it doesn't count. I'll give you a real entry later. :D

The Site’s A Small Victory
Who Speaks Of Past History
The Red Sox Will Win
For It’s Not A Sin
To Rewrite That Part Of History

Dude, flush the androgynous endings, the Poetry Police are here!

Jonah took Andrew on a date
The yankee game, behind home plate
They appeared on the big screen
It was really obscene
Watching Jonah and Andrew mate

Doggerelpundit writes words that do flatter
I'm so happy I couldn't be gladder
In fact, I'm so pleased
My bowels just released
And now here I sit in my own fecal matter.

Glenn Reynolds, that mad Puppy Blender
Insisted his food dogs be tender.
Two slices of bread,
"Thanks, PETA," he said,
And, similing, he hat-tipped the vendor.

hln

I sure miss the fake blogger named Puce.
With misspellings he wrote fast and loose.
He was a hit real quick
With his directive to CLICK
And he was a magnet for commenting abuse.

There once was a blogger named Layne
Who fled from LA on a plane
To escape from that Welch
Who did constantly belch
Before it could drive him insane.

There's also the blogger named Derb
That many want kicked to the curb
Even NPR is less weak
than this biased math geek
His bigotry will leave you disturbed.

For blogging, dear Susie is best,
but Tiger stands out from the rest.
Bill, Pixy, and Tink,
together make Silver Blue's rhymes stink...
While the BoobieThon Keeps you a-breast. :-)

There once was a blogger named Gato
And yes, he liked to get blotto
He's now known as marc
(Here's a mention of FARK)
And if you don't read him you ought to.

There once was an Aussie named Blair
Who did all his fiskings with flair
He fisked Michael Moore
That donut filled bore
Whose man boobs, they are a large pair.

There once was a Monkey Hater, Frank J.
In Whose World humored us every Wednesday.
Til he met Hello Kitty,
And mellowed out, What a Pity
Now no more does Rumsfield Strang-u-lay.

It's the very best time of the year,
Hockey's back, and the Yanks are in gear,
so Jason and I
are on the same side,
'til the Islanders kick Sabre rear. :)

(and no, I don't have a blog to post this to)

There once was a dog named Chomps
With the Strangler, making world saving romps.
Then came the Axis of Naughty.
All claiming to have superiority.
Until the heroes put that to a Stop!

Used a chip from Andrew Olmsted
to become a true "Radiohead"
Now BBC, NPR,
and the Village Voice are
all making me wish I was dead.

Of his dog-treats, Glenn Reynolds did jest
"I think that shi-tzu's taste best"
And the gleam in his eye
As puppie dogs die
Confirms 'Instapundo Delenda Est!'

Okay, I suppose I have to do a Reynolds dog-eating post as well, since everyone else is.

The Instapundit, known as Glenn Reynolds
Spends his time stalking dog kennels
He prefers to eat puppies
That were once owned by yuppies
And spice them with paprika and fennel

Here's my official entry.

  • Evil Glenn At Instapundit
  • Screamed aloud the words Stop It
  • The puppy dinner it seems
  • Was bursting his seams
  • He didn't know whether to shit or to vomit

Grrr.. This link didn't show up in the puppy dinner line.

The Camo-clad Chief name of Wiggles
Collects toys to give kiddies the Giggles
To Iraq they are sent
They are Given, not Lent
The kids' grins spread from faces to piggles.

(I can't figure out how to link it)

Hello Kitty has tchatchkis so pink
Oblivious to the fact that they stink
But the wackos at PETA
Say that kitties aren't meat-a
So Fark-it, I'll have burger I think

Those "wonderful" fellows at Fark,
Seems their bite is no worse than their bark.
They Bitched about Boobies
And smoked on their Doobies,
But donations still tripled the mark

Don't fuck with the likes of Michele
Retribution will surely be hell
Though her Yankees suck ass
She can still show some class
And take Boston's triumphs so well

The Lizardoid Charles is cruel
He refuses to suffer a fool
So he rants and he raves
At those sick Muslim knaves
Who learn how to make bombs in their school

Misha the Rottweiler sighs
"I have grape jam all over my thighs!
How it got there, who knows?
But I think that it shows
That this condom must be the wrong size."

Amish Tech Support has the wrong name
It's not Amish, so they're without blame.
Posts on Tech aren't there.
His Support? Doesn't care!
Does that dastardly man have no shame?

Off The Kuff has some great Houston news
But his style can make readers snooze
Posts as long as Den Beste's
Bore and kill household pests
Chuck must have a pet rock as a muse

A M C G L T D
What it stands for is still beyond me
But I like Ellen's style
And Scott's posts make me smile
And Olivia the baby makes three

Indepundit once said "Au Revoir"
And then LT Smash blogged from the war
The two had matching style
And used the same comments file
But most people did not know the score

There once was a man who liked Star Trek
Most of whose co-workers wrote dreck
But Jonah's not blue
'Cause he writes dreck too
So he fits in quite well with his crew.

There once was a blogger named Aaron
who came to the city a rarin’
for fortune and fame
of a big byline name
and gossip that's really darin'.

He gave us news at 601am
located in his Brooklyn den
featuring ice cream, technology,
his workplace, sociology
and Gothamist parties with Jake and Jen.

Yeah, I know it's too late, but I couldn't resist:

There once was a blogger named Glenn
Who blended a puppy and then
He said with a smile
As he danced, Robot style
“On the yum scale, that was a ten!”

Glenn drank up his glass of pup goo,
Praised Satan, and killed hobos, too.
To penguin bare asses
He steamed up his glasses
As he pleasured himself on the loo.

I posted this at my blog with supporting explanatory linkage here:

http://radio.weblogs.com/0126975/2003/10/12.html#a606

;)

;)