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Everyone stop. Nobody write another word on Arnold and his touchy-feely hands. Nobody write another paragraph on Plame or Dean or muddy politics or dirty laundry. I don't want to hear anything else about who said what ten years ago or who did what last week. I don't want to read another magazine article with pictures that are so old they were chiseled in stone, showing one candidate or another wearing a beret of the wrong color or saluting in such a manner that deams him a socialist or showing too much leg or a hand in the wrong pocket.

Let's settle this right here. They are all pigs. Every last one of them. Why compare Arnold and Clinton? Why give Arianna the time of day? Why bother digging up dirt on anyone when someone is going to turn around and dig up darker and chunkier dirt in the next minute?

Everyone is a pig. Everyone is a philanderer. Everyone is a dirty, disgusting, lying, cheating, conniving, scheming, backstabbing, drunk driving, epitaph uttering, Hitler loving, porn watching, inhaling, draft dodging, body burying freak. There. You're all on the same page now.

We get it. We see the skeletons tumbling out of the closets. We have seen your dirty laundry hanging on the line. We know. Everyone has the bones and soiled underwear. Everyone. And one person's dirty boxers is another's buried hooker.

Republicans, Democrats, Greens, Moonies, Commies, whatever you are, put down your pens and pencils and microphones and secret spy cameras. Put down the microfiche copies of twenty year old New Yorkers.

And you, all of you election followers, all of you future and past voters and all of you media watchers. Why? Why do you care? What does it matter? When are you going to start asking the important questions instead of asking for bedroom secrets and compromising photographs?

Somebody please tell me what all these blathering, screaming children stand for. I know who they are against. I know who they hate and who they deride and I know exactly what their opponents have done in the past to make their current reputations suspect.

But I don't know one god damned thing you people stand for. I don't know what you want to do about education and taxes and crime and frankly, I don't care if you stuck a dildo up Hitler's ass in a past life or if your cleaning lady services you every weekend or if you were once a member of the Crips or Bloods. Just tell me about now. And don't tell about your opponent. Tell me about you. What are you going to do for me besides frustrate and bore me with bawdy tales of your enemy's back office schemes? What are you going to do about homeland security besides bitch about it? What are you going to do about the Mid East besides complain about what's not being done?

You're on my time here, folks. Unless you are going to say something about your platform, just shut up and stop playing Encyclopedia Brown with your opponent's background. Otherwise I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and shout LALALALA I can't hear you until I find a candidate -from any party - who is willing to say something of substance.

Election Day can't come and go soon enough.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference electioneering:

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» Take a Minute... from suburban blight
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» A Plea For Sanity in Elections from Sneakeasy's Joint
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I stand foursquare for America. I sit for everything else. I believe in inexpensive sex and over-the-counter drugs. I have never been a successful gambler, nor an unsuccessful beer drinker. I hold women in the highest esteem (I call my right hand "highest" and my left "esteem"). I recognize that all men are pigs and some men are dogs. I believe in outlawing sin and legalizing fun. And, all my woman eventually shout "LALALALALA!"

Well said! The only thing I would add is this: Once you tell me what YOU are going to do, convince me that you mean what you say and that you are not just blowing sunshine up my ass until you have my vote.

I'm not a pig.

I'm a swine.

Much classier.

Could not have said it better myself.

As a man I know I am a swine, as a democrat in Caalifornia (Arnold's Accent here) I am ashamed of my party and candidates. So I am stuck with a dilemma on how to vote. I have been swindled and lied to by my party here, nad Ronald Reagan was not good for me in the eighties. My best times were under Clinton, so I am for the fondlers obviously, maybe I will vote for arnold now!!!

Thanks. I needed that. Joe

I just want fucktard Davis out of office...

That's all i fucking want.

Thanx Michele. I thought I was the only one tired of the rhetorical finger-pointing childish bullshit going on everywhere.

I am going relax this weekend, watch the NLDS and football on Sunday and NOT let anyone know who I am rooting for. It'll be my one little secret.

The problem is that the voters keep responding to all the BS. Both sides feel like they have to do it, or just capitulate. They won't be able to stop until the voting public tells them to stop.

Maybe Michele can help get a movement started here...

This weekend is going to be blog-free, news-free, and worry-free. In fact, let's start a meme. Worry-free weekend.

What say you?

Even worse than the scandalizing is the horse-race reporting. You can watch the news all day and only learn about a candidates views indirectly, such as "Joe Blow's speech yesterday on affirmative action caused his support among hispanics to soar 3 percentage points" blah blah blah.

Of course The Onion said what I just did, only funnier.


Im in on the Worry-Free Weekend™.

damn straight, Michele.

I figure the reason that there's so much dirt thrown around is that it's easier to make soundbites of The Other Guy's Sordid Past than it is to actually explain what you stand for and want to do.

And the American public (including, I guess, myself) is partly at fault here. Until we stop lapping up all the scandal-crap like opossums at an overturned trash can, we're going to wind up REALLY getting the government we deserve.

and then we'll be sorry.

I am reminded of perhaps the only line in The Stand worth remembering -- which is probably why it's the only line from it that I remember.

The leader of the good guys gets a little overinflated, ego-wise, and his woman tells him, "You have skidmarks in your drawers just like everyone else."

Amen. I was just writing yesterday how we're all a bunch of damn 3rd Graders. And it all comes down to us the voters allowing it all to happen.

As a journalistic member of the nation's mass media, I can say, without hesitation, that the reason journalists report on all the junk is BECAUSE IT'S JUST EASIER. Most journalists don't have a fucking clue how tax initiatives work, and they don't know shit about healthcare, or economics, or politics in general. And, they don't want to fucking learn. They want the easy angle, the angle they can wrap their minds around and write about quickly so they can go back to the bar. So you end up with headlines like "Schwarzenegger denies Hitler praise." Fucking A, my sperm could investigate and write that story. Crap on a cracker.

A few years ago, a couple of co-workers and I started a land preservation group to stop the development of some of the last virgin coastal hillsides in So. Cal.

After we got it started, many members wanted to elect me president of the group. I declined and suggested that we choose the person with the least "skeletons" in his or her closet -- because the attacks from our opposition would get personal.

As a gay man, I knew that my personal life would be used against our cause. So, a very nice woman volunteered to take the position instead.

This lady has been married to the same man for 20 years, has a teenage daughter, is a leader in her church, and has never done anything the least bit controversial.

Well, the land developers just made stuff up! They started rumors she was having an affair with a local reporter and had a drinking problem. When it was over (we won!), she told me with tears in her eyes "You sad it would get ugly, but I didn't think they'd stoop that low."

This is how things are done in America today. There is no honor -- no respect for privacy.

I think Arnold has the most telling line of this election season. "People don't want to hear about issues." Jon Stewart said it best..."They think we're retarded"

I feel your pain and all, but the fact is that these guys and gals do stand for something. Listen to them now and them during a debate on the floor of the house, or read the bills they are signing, or the line items they are eliminating. Listen to them when they do their jobs, not when they are running for office, and you'll see where they are coming from, and what they are for. Campaign are vicious now, and have been for some time, and anyone who isn't a two-dimensional teflon candidate is just giving their adversary ammunition. Campaigning wisdom now is to hide the substance of a candidate. Who wins and who loses proves the accuracy of this.
Campaigning sucks, no less so for the candidates then for the voters.

But...politicians are not all the same.

Ned Roscoe- no nonsense Libertarian. The cigarette thing makes him come across as a special interest candidate, but he seems to be on the ball and against beaurocracy.

for some reason, when politics get going, mud starts flying. even on people who have no reason to have mud slung.

arnold may have made a few ill chosen passes, but he has done a great deal, quietly and not so quietly for his community. he's managed to take the money he's earned ... and he has worked for a living so he knows that earning money isn't always easy.... and he's multiplied it. he's not a lawyer, so i think that says a great deal in his favor. and while most of the kennedys ... he married into a family of democrats, remember, are democrats, he is a republic. obviously, he's not a sheep following a herd. his first language wasn't english, he wasn't born here, but look at the life he's managed to create. and look at other folks who came from similar circumstances and where they are.

i don't know that the labels republic/democrat mean much any more. liberal has certainly been overused and is now more of a pejoritive than anything else... i think what's in a person's character is more important. mcClintock also seems to be pretty good... and rather than have arnold and mcClintock run separately, essentially against each other, i'd love to see them working together.

by the way, this kind of assessment is the reason i voted for bush. the person at the top colors the character and nature of politics below them during their term in office. granted, they don't do it all by themselves, but they do lead. and given what bush has done which has actually been quite beneficial, i'm glad i voted for him. i voted for a democratic governor in michigan twice... blanchard and granholm. not because of party but because of personality and impact on public issues. .....

sometimes you have to take the time to look past the window dressing.

Not to worry, Michele. There's a long post coming up on my blog about that very thing: what I stand for.


there's nothing new under the sun. muckraking is muckraking, and it wasn't invented in California.

And when a politician starts telling you what he/her is gonna do for you, start backing up. That's what I do when I smell bullshit.

God bless


It's my view that all my fellow californians should read your piece, and the poem it inspired Doggerel Pundit to write, along with anything recent by Jill Stewart, before tuesday.

But what do I know? :-)

This is why I am so against the recall to begin with. Californians are stupid beyond recognition. They deserve Grayout Davis. They elect an overwhelmingly socialist legislature and governor and then wonder why their economy is in the trash can. Fucking morons. Californians need to suffer until they wise-up and elect proper leadership, and no, I don't mean they need to be Republicans. George W. Bush is a "Republican." And the moron who thinks we did well under Clinton is black hole stupid.*
*Stupidity that is so bad, it sucks any nearby intelligence into non-existence.

Very nice, Michele and all of the commentators. I like the outrage. Just one thing-whatta ya gonna DO about it? Every year I have to literally flog my family, friends and neighbors to vote and contact their elected officials. Everyone feels they have the right to bitch and moan. Not one actually does something about it.

Do all of your senators and representatives know you? Do you TELL them why you are dissatisfied with their actions and do the research to back up your point? This can be hard work, but that's what it takes to get results. When was the last time you did the equivalent of screaming "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!!!"?

The last time I did that, I cc'd all of the committee members and sponsors of the bill held in committe for two years. I included my local media and my electeed officials. After three years, we "common folk" now get a small piece of a tax break for hybrid cars, like the one I drive.

Are you influencing politicians? Are they aware that you will talk about every idiotic decision and vote they make? Do they know you will hold them responsible for their actions or lack thereof? Can you make reasonable, well-considered suggestions? DO IT!!! They can only treat us like ciphers if we act like ciphers. Don't let that happen. Again.

off-topic: Hey Fritz, did you and your land-preservation buddies reimburse the owners of those virgin hillsides? 'Cause you know, they were probably worth a cool $5M before you got involved; now they're worth about 0.57cents minus taxes.

(And I know what I'm talking about; my church lost $400 G's thanks to some "box turtles" I've yet to see...and some 'land preservationist' nuts like yourself.)

What's that? 5th admendment? Takings clause? Never mind that; the Constitution doesn't apply when environmentalists get involved...

I agree with most on these points, and I think Michele's post is spot-on.

Just two little observations:

1) Gray Davis, above any other politician of the past 20 years, is a dirty campaigner. He slings mud like no one's business, and is very, very good at it. I don't think Arnold's perfect, but just about any multi-celled organism would be preferable to Davis, who has lied to us through his teeth and driven one of the world's biggest economies--and one with, perhaps, the best growth potential--into a bad ditch.

But if the LA. Times (2) wants to go along with this nonsense--allegations of breast-touching or whatnot that are years old--why are people taking it seriously? It is drifting toward where the NY Times was when the Jayson Blair scandal broke: a place of total non-credibility. I mean, it ran poll results that were skewed to show Arnold with lower percentages than he really had, and McClintock (whom every liberal and Dem party hack wants to stay in the race) at a much higher level. Why are people still reading this pathetic rag?

I'm basically boycotting the L.A. Times these days.

Great post! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm so sick and tired of turning on the news and seeing all these attacks and counterattacks and dirty laundry and mud being slung. None of these politicians are willing to tell people what they will do to improve things, and then back up their words with real action. It's all attacks and mud slinging and bullshit. I don't even watch the news anymore. And they wonder why voter turnout is so low. It's basically a choice between a bunch of idiots who don't know anything but how to make up lies and bullshit people. Why waste the time and bother?

Michelle and Friends,
It is at times like this that I am pleased to share first-hand knowledge of a time-tested and internationally-proven system of collective decision-making which involves all adults of voting age in the community; allows NO nominations of those who will represent us and NO refusals ahead of time to serve; has as its pool of electable souls the whole adult community; takes place every year in an atmosphere of calm, quiet, dignified nay, prayerful order; and charges voters to select the most dedicated, most capable and best-suited among them to serve...

No, its NOT a partisan effort, for partisan politics can't hold a candle to this methodology!

For details, Google "Universal House of Justice"