Friday Fun with Ted Rall
It's Friday, which means a new Ted Rall column.
Rall is closely following the four-trick pony route I laid out last time. I'm happy to see that Ted is being so compliant in proving my theory true.
Today's word of the day at TedRall.com is: Quagmire.
No, he doesn't actually say it, but that's ok, because by now we know exactly what Ted means.
Whether or not Teddy makes a valid issue here is not the case. That has ceased to be the topic of discussion during Bitchslap Ted Rall Day a long time ago. The issue is how often Ted recycles his thought. Sure, they look like brand new thoughts, all wrapped up in that shiny recyled packaging and anyone with a lesser IQ than you or I may think, Oh, Ted strikes again, another great column! But look closely folks, it's not another great column. It's the same quagmire essay that he's been trotting out since March.
Today he gives it a shiny new coat by presenting it in the voice of George Bush, as if Bush is being all apologetic and contrite and asking for help and forgiveness.
"On behalf of my Administration and the people of the United States, I am truly sorry. If I could go back to March of this year, I would. I wish I could bring back the 300 American servicemen and the thousands of Iraqis who died as the result of our horrible mistake. But what's done is done. No one can change history.
Well, Ted forgot the part where Bush says "And I'm sorry for getting rid of Saddam and his sons. I'm sorry that you are no longer being tortured by them. I'm sorry your daughters aren't being raped by them and your money isn't being taken and I'm really, really sorry that you are free to practice whatever form of religion you choose and that we are trying our hardest to get a democracy going here." But that's neither here nor there.
Ted does get to the part where George resigns and takes his cabinet with him and offers himself up for prosecution of war crimes.
Well, if Ted can repeat words and phrases in every single column, so can I, right?
But I bet when he's in his room alone at night, Ted Rall lies in bed and fantasizes about
a media frenzy bringing the 2000 election back into the limelightBush resigning and being tried for war crimes. And what will Rall be muttering under the covers? To quote the dear Captain Murphy, My nipples are hard just thinking about it.
[That would be Ted's nipples, not mine you perverts]
And thank Jeebus, the world is right again. Mark Morford, after three columns without mentioning Bush, finally comes back to his own brand of reality.