on the menu
Today's lunch will consist of three Midols, all crushed up to a fine powder and chased down with a chocolate egg cream. That will be followed by a bacon cheeseburger deluxe, diner style, with big, fat onion rings that leak more oil than my car and tomatoes sliced to a five inch thickness and the middle of the burger just a bit pink and sizzling with drippy grease. There will be french fries the size of a linebacker's fingers and they will be drenched with brown gravy and covered in salt. The cheese on the burger will be swiss, because it melts the best and droops down the side of the bun so the burger looks exactly like it does in the ten page, five pound menu that the waitress drops on your table. I will end the lunch with a mug of hot tea, a huge bowl of hot bread pudding (with raisins, please) and three more Midols and possibly a Tums and an Excedrin Migraine. And then I will go back to work and fight to keep myself from either falling asleep or throwing up or both, but hopefully not both at the same time, lest I end up like Jimi Hendrix, yet less famous for it. But the cramps will be gone and that's all that matters.