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on the menu

Today's lunch will consist of three Midols, all crushed up to a fine powder and chased down with a chocolate egg cream. That will be followed by a bacon cheeseburger deluxe, diner style, with big, fat onion rings that leak more oil than my car and tomatoes sliced to a five inch thickness and the middle of the burger just a bit pink and sizzling with drippy grease. There will be french fries the size of a linebacker's fingers and they will be drenched with brown gravy and covered in salt. The cheese on the burger will be swiss, because it melts the best and droops down the side of the bun so the burger looks exactly like it does in the ten page, five pound menu that the waitress drops on your table. I will end the lunch with a mug of hot tea, a huge bowl of hot bread pudding (with raisins, please) and three more Midols and possibly a Tums and an Excedrin Migraine. And then I will go back to work and fight to keep myself from either falling asleep or throwing up or both, but hopefully not both at the same time, lest I end up like Jimi Hendrix, yet less famous for it. But the cramps will be gone and that's all that matters.

Comments

Now, I'm hungry.

Only, sub chili and cheese on my fries, and hold the midol for me (trying to cut back)

That's gross, enjoy!

No, if you're doing Midol, eat veggie and stay away from the caffine. Stay away from red meats, it does help. Too bad I discovered it too late.

Better yet, forget the Midol, go for Naprosyn. That's what helped me.

What fun decadence! If I were you and it was after work, I'd wash all those eats down with a vodka tonic. That works wonders for me.

OK. if it will make you feel better, you can look at my booby:

It has been reported that Queen Victoria appreciated cannabis indica for the relief of womanly discomfort; I suppose it's worth a try...

Carry an instant thermometer and be sure that burger has an internal temp of 160 degrees.

Ibuprofen, 4 of them at a time, taken as soon as you know it's coming. That's what the doctor subscribed before you could buy it over the counter, 800 milligrams. Check the bottle for the max dose per day.

I've been told 600-800 mg of Ibuprofen, starting even a few days BEFORE - that way you've got a good blood level going before it hits. I also recommend Ben & Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream eaten simultaneously with Pringles and washed down with a Sam Adams Light.

The caffeine in Midol always gave me the jitters.

Gads! What if we all start cycling together???

And a foot rub.

oooh, I'm about ready for cramps again, too. Beware the Motrin, Ibuprofen, Naprocen. I got ulcers from motrin way back when I was in college - because they had me taking it 20 days out of the month. Ibuprofen and naprocen are also hard on delicate tummies.
Shit. I am 50 years old, you would think this cramp stuff would be gone by now, but nooooooo!
I remember the doctor telling me when I was 16, "once you grow up, marry and have children, you won't have cramps anymore".
Liar.

I'm telling you guys, go fruits and veggies beforehand and no booze. It made a difference.

I was popping 500mg of naprosyn when it was prescription. A good heating pad, too.

But this premen sucks. 2x in less than 1 month.

Ahhh, but my happy pills help, premphase.

I just go with advil and chocolate. i guess you might call me a traditionalist.

but michele, and all of you- didn't you hear about the new birth control pill that makes you get your period only 4 times a year? sounds like a godsend! what do you say? =)

What is this with all the nagging and scolding? Make sure the internal temp of the burger is 160 degrees??? Avoid meat and take Naprosyn??? For crying out loud, she just said she has menstrual cramps. Know ye not the folly of arguing with a woman with menstrual cramps?

Besides: she is totally right about Swiss melting best on a burger.

awwww, geeze, no booze? When I was a girl of 13, all those many years ago, our pediatrician prescribed Mogan David Wine for menstrual cramps -

wine is good, not sure about the Mogan David, but red wine is good.

Ladies, tried practially all of the remedies you posted. Best thing I ever did, though, was have all that plumbing removed when I was 50. (Fibroid cysts were causing MY hideous cramps.) After a couple of years of trying numerous non-invasive therapies, I finally looked at my GYN one day and told him to TAKE IT OUT! Believe me, it is sheer heaven not to have to anticipate four days of feeling like I was in labor--and hemorrhaging besides!!!