inside the School of "militant" activism
I wonder if all "militants" go to the same school. I bet that somewhere, in the dark underground of this world, there is a dingy classroom where a course in Violent Activism 101 takes place and a room filled with members of ALF, ELF, Hamas and other "activist" organizations are busy writing a two-page essay on how to put nails into bombs.
The teacher, a man with a long gray ponytail who was arrested over 100 times in the late 60's, addresses the class. He holds a newspaper. "Which one of you," he says, "is responsible for this?" He reads to the class:
A militant animal rights group that claimed it bombed an Emeryville biotechnology firm in August is taking responsibility for Friday's explosion at Shaklee Inc.'s offices in Pleasanton -- warning that next time the bombs will be bigger and more damaging.
In an anonymous e-mail sent to fellow activists across the country early Tuesday morning, Revolutionary Cells described the explosive used at Shaklee, a company that sells health, beauty and household products, as a 10-pound ammonium nitrate bomb "strapped with nails."
A small, wiry boy who goes by the name Joey the Flash raises his hand. "Me, sir," he says. "It's part of the my final project for this class."
Joey the Flash stands up to recite the statement he left for the owners of biotech company.
"All customers and their families are considered legitimate targets. "We have given all the collaborators a chance to withdraw from their relations from (Huntingdon). We will now be doubling the size of every device we make. Today it is 10 pounds, tomorrow 20. Until your buildings are nothing more than rubble. It is time for this war to truly have two sides. No more will all of the killing be done by the oppressors, now the oppressed will strike back.
The Hamas members whistle and cheer. "We must remember that," one says, "for the next Jewish holiday." "The ALF and ELF contingent in the classroom break out into wild applause. The teacher grins. "We must all emulate this young man, his group and their efforts. I like how he took the nail idea from Hamas and incorporated it with ELF and ALF tactics." He takes a diploma from his desk and hands it to Joey the Flash.
"Congratulations, Joey. You have graduated from the School of Militant Activism. You've earned credits in painting slogans, vandalizing SUVs, freeing animals from farms and laboratories and setting fires to unoccupied buildings. And now, you've put fear into the heart of biotech firms. I wish you look as you move on to your graduate studies in Killing Innocent People For Your Cause."
The spritual leader of Hamas offers a prayer and the ELF and ALF gang break out the tofu and herbal tea and they slap each other on the back and party until class is dismissed.