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your mission

Should you choose to accept it....

Is to partipate in a lmy new blogging game, Pre-Emptive PMS Panacea.

Tired of the Friday Five? Had it with the Saturday Scruples? Bored with the Tuesday Tits?

Fooled you. There are no Tuesday Tits. That's Thursdays, you silly rabbits.

Well, I've never participated in any of those daily question things because I never, ever run out of things to blog about. Ok, so I do, but that's where Thursday Tits comes into play.

Yes, getting to the point.

Go to this post, where I asked for song lyrics that ask questions. Pick three questions from the comments and answer them to the best of your creative ability.

I'll accept answers all week and post them as I see fit.

The winner is the one who makes me laugh the loudest, and your prize is that you save all of humanity from the dreaded, feared and fully flammable case of PMS that is about to hit in 5....4...3..2....

Hey, I just got the urge to kick a puppy.

Mission on.


Q: Can we still be friends?
A: NO and give me back my semen, DAMMITT!!

Q: Where have you been, my blue eyed son?
A: I've been blinded by the light when momma
told me not to look into the eyes of the son
But momma, that's where all the fun is

Q: How can we sleep when our beds are burning?
A: That's easy. Drink Jack Daniels all day long
and then pass out on your bed while smoking
a cigarette.

And of course I screwed up one part of my answer...its "momma told me not to look into the eyes of the SUN"

i think i will go smoke a cigarette now and pass out on my bed

Are we allowed to use our own question? 'Cuz I've been thinking about getting me a rainbow tonight (nudge nudge wink wink).

Q: How long to (till?) the point of no return?
A: Approx 8-10 strokes

Q: Where have all the flowers gone?
A: Well, I think it had something to do with that fuckin onion blossom you had for lunch, fat-ass

Q:Can I touch you there?
A: I think the judge was very clear about that, Grandpa

1. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
-- Because you just washed your car.

2. Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
-- Non, merci, mais voulez-vous me foudre seulement?

3. Why don't we do it in the road?
-- You think rug burn is bad, try road rash.

Q: Johnny are you queer?

A: What part of my "Log Cabin Repulican" sticker confused you?

Q: How can my heart go on beating?

A: Oh, it must be because Lair picked me as a Dead Pool contestant.

Q: How can I sing like a girl?


I'll be lazy.

Q.: Do you know the way to San Jose?
A.: Yes. Turn left at Cordelia Junction. (If you're going there from Sacramento.)

Q.: What have I done to deserve this?
A.: I think it was when you replaced the gal in the background image with that funky robot.

Q.: Why can't we be friends?
A.: Gal, robot, background image. Do you detect a theme?

Kick a puppy?

Blend one instead.

Q: Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
A: Nope. It's tasted the same for three mornings in a row now, but it helps get those little dark hairs out of the back of my throat.

Q: Who let the Dogs out?
A: The Chinese restaurant down the street - they needed to restock the freezer.

Q: How can my heart go on beating?
A: "CLEAR!!"

I decided the proper way to answer questions from lyrics is answers from lyrics.

Q:Has anybody seen my old friend Martin?
A:Down on the corner, out in the street.

Q:How do you do that voodoo that you do so well?
A:I've got a black magic woman.

Q:What's it all about, Alfie?
A:You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about.


Scott H. wins.

1. Can you feel the love tonight?

Is that what that is? I thought you had a pencil in your pocket.

2. Will you cater to every fantasy I've got?

Only if you get your own frilly lace panties. You stretched mine out and they don't fit me anymore.

3. Do you really want to hurt me?