research librarian for the deranged
Some people arrive her from Google or whatever other inferior search engine they may be using and they read the post they happen upon and assume that I am here for their benefit, like a retarded library clerk just waiting to answer their semi-coherent questions about constpiation, the Middle East and how to make wine.
I get requests for help with homework and term papers. I get people who want to know where they can find feety pajamas for adults. I get people wanting to know if The Venture Brothers will be back on Adult Swim or if Ted Rall ever dated a girl in high school named Marianne who was flat-chested but rich.
I'm sure all these people are waiting patiently for an answer to their questions. Unfortunately, they are not going to get them. I am not homework buddy and I am not privy to information about Cartoon Network scheduling and I don't want to know about your Depends fetish or your quest for pajamas.
Well, far it be it from me to be cold and uncaring all of the time. Maybe we should help this one guy out. I know someone must know the answer to the burning question:
Can someone please inform me of the extent to which Mohammed's love of
prepubescent children resulted in anal trauma?
I'm assuming they mean Mohammed's anal trauma, but who knows. This is probably the same guy who wanted to know if I could help him with a research paper on the sexual preferences of French prositutes in the 1800's, broken down by their religion.