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research librarian for the deranged

Some people arrive her from Google or whatever other inferior search engine they may be using and they read the post they happen upon and assume that I am here for their benefit, like a retarded library clerk just waiting to answer their semi-coherent questions about constpiation, the Middle East and how to make wine.

I get requests for help with homework and term papers. I get people who want to know where they can find feety pajamas for adults. I get people wanting to know if The Venture Brothers will be back on Adult Swim or if Ted Rall ever dated a girl in high school named Marianne who was flat-chested but rich.

I'm sure all these people are waiting patiently for an answer to their questions. Unfortunately, they are not going to get them. I am not homework buddy and I am not privy to information about Cartoon Network scheduling and I don't want to know about your Depends fetish or your quest for pajamas.

Well, far it be it from me to be cold and uncaring all of the time. Maybe we should help this one guy out. I know someone must know the answer to the burning question:

Can someone please inform me of the extent to which Mohammed's love of
prepubescent children resulted in anal trauma?

I'm assuming they mean Mohammed's anal trauma, but who knows. This is probably the same guy who wanted to know if I could help him with a research paper on the sexual preferences of French prositutes in the 1800's, broken down by their religion.

Comments

I get a certain satisfaction knowing that I was a high-ranked link on Google for "sickest porn" and "morgan webb breast" in the recent past.

Today I received a resume from an Electrician in the Bay Area. If anyone needs some electrical work and you are in the San Francisco area, lemme know.

I post, you deride.

Yeah, he needs help alright. I think they make a medication for that...

Can someone please inform me of the extent to which Mohammed's love of
prepubescent children resulted in anal trauma?

I'm assuming they mean Mohammed's anal trauma, but who knows. This is probably the same guy who wanted to know if I could help him with a research paper on the sexual preferences of French prositutes in the 1800's, broken down by their religion.

I'm gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that the answers to both questions are indelibly linked: Mohammed's predilection for prepubescent French prositutes (sic) resulted in that cause of anal trauma to the rest of us known as Jacques Chirac.

hmm, can't help you there but I did learn something interesting about that topic....

yesterday at work, I typed up "Candy apple" in google for a possible story on the same subject. tons of anal sex responses came up. so maybe mohammad likes candy apples??

Ooh, feety pajamas... if somebody finds those, the good kind with the vinyl-junk on the bottoms of the feet, let me know, I want some. :)

I hate to say it, but the history of French prostitution in the 19th century is actually pretty interesting. For instance, the speculum was invented by French doctors as a means of applying caustic ointments onto the VD sores of Parisian prostitutes. The standard beginning for anyone interested in the subject is Parent Duchâtelet, who published De la prostitution dans la ville de Paris in 1857. This document played a crucial role in the English reaction to its prostitution problems in the mid nineteenth-century, which in turn played a crucial role in the American reaction when we got around to it in the late nineteenth-century. The equivalent study in England is William Acton's Prostitution, which came in two editions, both of which are worth reading.

As for sexual preference, the answer is two-fold: 1) almost all of the business of female prostitutes would have been from men. 2) for personal pleasure? Who knows. There are lots of diaries and whatnot from prostitutes floating around, but many of them are fictionalized. There are some very good ones from former prostitutes in England. But one of the key issues here is that given nineteenth-century notions of female sexuality, there is a very good chance that lesbianism would not have been regarded as anything threatening at all. In fact, there are suggestions (in England, at least) that it would have been regarded as "practice" for later heterosexual marriage.

Oh dear god. I'm a nerd, aren't I?

I'm with M, I wanna know where to get feetie pajamas.

Scott,

That's all well and good but what I'm really waiting for is someone to expound on the phallic proboscis that is Gérard Dépardieu's nose.

That was very insensitive of you Michele. It's tantamount to Santa Claus mentioning that he eats raindeer---failed to keep count---and can't make it on Dec. 25th.

Somtimes I think Google should start a separate search engine called Goggle, just for these "special" requests.

"adult footed pajamas"/pyjamas on google, lots of hits. looked a second, saw "always cold" which led to http://www.jumpinjammerz.com/ which seems to have what you are looking for. past that, i think maybe "vermont country store' might have them, because i distinctly remember buying some as a christmas present when i was young.

Somtimes I think Google should start a separate search engine called Goggle, just for these "special" requests.

Heh. I can see the ad copy now:

GOGGLE: Your short bus to the Internet.

I get hits for feetie pajamas too. Although most of my search hits come from "butt + crack + (insert random name here)" or "louis + vuitton + guitar strap + dave navarro."

Can you tell I was making fun of the MTV Video Music Awards?

re: Can someone please inform me of the extent to which Mohammed's love of prepubescent children resulted in anal trauma?

When Mohammed was 53 he had sex with a 9 year old wife named Aisha.

From http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=1870103564#post1870103564
"Aisha was married when she was a young lady of six or seven years and the Prophet (peace be upon him) consummated the marriage when she was nine years old and he was fifty-three years old."

We also know from hadith that Aisha was small for her age. One problem that often happens when small girls are penetrated by full grown men is that the tissue between the vagina and anus is torn and often infected.