a day in the life: Worst.Post.Ever.
Man, you don't blog for a while during a hurricane warning and you get a hundred emails asking if you lost your power.
Well, if I lost my power, I wouldn't be able to read your email, would I?
No, the only thing I've lost is the will to live.
Yes, that was hyperbole. But let's run down the second half of my day, ok?
1 pm: Get major sinus headache.
1:15: Start to feel the usual sinus/allergy related mouth pain from clenching my teeth.
1:30 p.m. Leave work early (note to boss: I meant to leave you a note and forgot).
2pm: Get home, pass out on couch.
2:45 pm: Get woken up by sister screaming at me that I promised to go to the gym with her.
3:00 Steal a Zertec D from sister, hoping it will make the allergies go away, and take the toothache with it.
3:10 Begin workout.
3:30: Start seeing black spots in front of eyes, feel suddenly lightheaded and maybe a little bit stoned.
3:31: Realize that perhaps I should have asked my doctor before I mixed a Zertec D with Paxil, knowing my sordid history with medication.
5:30 Home again, tooth is throbbing. Do not call dentist. Instead, ask bloggers what to do for toothache, knowing full well what they will say.
5:45: Drown tooth in Chivas Regal.
6:00: Other teeth begin to ache and I realize it's not a toothache at all, but my sinuses.
6:15: Drown all the other teeth in a deadly combination of Chivas Regal and Anbesol.
6:30: Get back on couch. Husband is watching Bob Ross paint mountains and clouds. As I drift into unconciousness, I have a waking dream that Bob Ross is talking about sex.
6:31: Become fully awake and appear horrified at the thought of Bob Ross engaging in sexual activities with paintbrushes.
7:00: Try to convince kids that it's really 10pm and they have to go to bed. Give up and decide to just ignore them for the rest of the evening.
7:10: Stare at Weather Channel.
7:30: Stare at Weather Channel.
7:35: Talk to Alan on phone and decide against telling him that there's something really wrong with him if he's going to hook up the laptop to the dial-up so he can blog while his power is out.
8:00: Stare at Weather Channel.
8:30: Go through emails, look at emailed links relating to zionism, 9/11, Arafat, and Wesley Clark and become completely mystified by words that have more than three letters. Get bedspins even though I'm not in bed.
8:40: Look at weather reports and keep reading Isabel as Israel. Hilarity ensues.
9:01: Blog about my day. Take another Chivas/Anbesol cocktail. Forego the Zertec.
9:02: Curse. A lot. Plead with Satan for him to take the pain in exchange for my soul. Satan laughs and tells me that I have no soul.
9:04: Realize how futile it would be to try to post anything serious tonight. Listen to the wind roaring outside. Beg for mercy. Apologize for this post.