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Saddam speaks.

Again.

Lucky for you, I have super-secret agents who managed to obtain a full copy of the unedited first cut of the tape for me.. I would put the video itself up, but I don't want to mess with the bandwidth, so I'll just have to transcribe it here for you and you'll have to trust me on this one.


Voice Purported To Be Saddam's (VPTBS): Thiiiiis isssss Saddaaaaam Husseeeeein!
Off Stage Voice (OSV): [whispering] What are you using that voice for? He's supposed to be still alive, not a ghost!
VPTBS: Leave me alone, I do this my way or no way!
OSV: Whatever, just be convincing.
VPTBS: Ahem. This is Saddam, your Great Leader! I speak to you now in importance! You must listen to my words!
[sound of rustling paper]
VPTBS: Umm....Oh, yes. Kill the Americans! Now!
[silence]
OSV: That's it? Kill the Americans? What kind of message is that? You need something more, something dynamic, something...
VPTBS: Shut up, you idiot. I am working on it. Now, what did you do with those old Arafat and bin Laden speeches?
[more sounds of rustling papers]
VPTBS: This is the word of Allah. He says, kill the enemy. Drive them away. Kill them dead! And umm...do it in the name of me. And Allah. And all the dead Iraqi terrorists....shit. Fuck.
OSV: Terrorists? Jesus H. Christ. We don't have time to do this over, either. Maybe they won't notice.
VPTBS: Of course not. They are enchanted by the sound of my voice. Thiiiiiiis isssssssssss Saddaaaaaaaaaaammmmmm! You, all you Iraqi citizens. All you boys and men and horses and great followers of the mighty Saddam and Allah's blessed ones and...I'm forgetting someone...
OSV: Women.
VPTBS: Women? Bah.
OSV: You have to include the woman or they get mad. Americans, they change things around here too much. They make women think!
VPTBS: Hah. You make funny joke, Jacques. Anyhow, now I command you....errr..to go out and kill, and umm....I need a prayer here, Jacques, help me out.
OSV: Can't you do anything on your own, Gerhard?
VPTBS: Never mind, I know what to do. Ok, you all listening now on the radio and tv. I want yo to repeat after me, to say the mighty prayer of the forces against American hegemony. Ready? Ok. Oh-wah. Ta-Goo. Siam. Good, again. Oh-Wah, Ta-Goo, Siam. Faster!
OSV: What the hell are you doing?
VPTBS: Hahahaha I crack myself up!
OSV: [yelling] Saddam says don't give up!

[end tape]

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Comments

Some Funny Sh*t there :)

feeling a little bit playful these days? i think the hurricane's making you go craaazy...

Saddam tapes? Good god, Isabel is bearing down on us like a drunk toddler driving an 18 wheeler and the news media is wasting our time with Saddam tapes?

Where the f$%^ are their priorities?!?

This is getting serious down here...its starting to muss up Bill's hair!

That, indeed, is some funny caca, you got there.

Hey, maybe Isabel IS Saddam? No? Come to take all our D-cell batteries.

I am smugly convinced of your journalistic brilliance... you're too funny.

Michele's undeniable brilliance notwithstanding, I firmly believe "journalistic brilliance" to be the oxymoron.

Gee, what took "Saddam" so long to make one tape? The last one was at least a month ago.
Maybe they couldn't get anyone to volunteer.

That was funny! I needed that after the day I just had. ;)