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what the world needs now is another limerick contest (presidential edition)

Ryan says what this site needs is another poetry contest. And he's right. all my levity seems to be vanishing as my anger and ire increases over the free lunch issue.

I think limericks would be a good form to follow here as they allow for the most amusing poetry. Now, for a topic. Free Lunches. Kidding.

The topic is: The Race for the Presidency - 2004. You can use any candidate, it can be for or against the candidate and it doesn't have to be one of the main characters in the race. Do a Google search and you will find a lot of little people throwing their somewhat twisted hats into the ring.

The prize? A tuna sandwich, a pint of milk and an orange.

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference what the world needs now is another limerick contest (presidential edition):

» http://www.josephfinn.net/mt/archives/001566.html from In Apprehension...
This will be interesting to keep an eye on today: A Small Victory's presidential limerick contest! [Read More]

» Limerick from The SmarterCop
Have you ever heard Howard Dean talk? When his arms move like hands on a clock When he spits what he said Then his face turns beet-red And his veins look quite ready to pop. [Read More]

» The Letter Of The Day Is L from Electric Venom
L is for lop-sided, as in a media outlet's bias going too far. L is for linking the WTC attacks and Iraq, at last. L is for look, David's short story is published! L is for laughing loudly. Guaranteed. L is for labret. L is for Lefties lambasted. L is ... [Read More]

» Got limericks? from Amish Tech Support
Michele wants your Election 2004 limericks. My contribution: Sharpton in 2004? When I saw that, my jaw hit the floor There's no fucking way That on Election Day I will vote for that coiffed camera-whore How's that?... [Read More]

» The Election Limerick File from Plum Crazy
Michele is having a Presidential election limerick contest. Having previously tried my hand at haiku and sonnets, I figured why... [Read More]

» LIMERICK from The SmarterCop
Today appears to be the day for contests; I shall continue by submitting my limerick entry in Michele's 'Race for the Presidency' Limerick Contest: Have you ever seen Howard Dean talk? When his arms move like hands on a clock... [Read More]

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Comments

There once was a man named Albritton
Whose theories, no one was hittin'
The e-mails he sent
Were totally bent
Nobody but loonies were smitten.

Dedicated to my favorite whacky Presidential candidate, A.J. Albritton:

http://community-2.webtv.net/ALLTHEWAYAJ/

My favorite "demand" is:

"Replace Harsh Matriarchy with Soft Patriarchy"

What can one say of Howard "The Duck" Dean?
His image is squeaky and clean.
But he's a bit of a dick
A monumental big prick.
I can't vote for a man so pissy and mean

The Democratic stick man John Kerry
Has a face that can be described as "just scary."
He tells everyone and his mom
How he served in Vietnam
But the man even pissed off href="http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6761106.htm">Dave Barry.

Argh! Lousy coding. Let's try that again. . .

The Democratic stick man John Kerry
Has a face that can be described as "just scary."
He tells everyone and his mom
How he served in Vietnam
But the man even pissed off href="http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6761106.htm">Dave Barry

SON OF A BITCH!

The Democratic stick man John Kerry
Has a face that can be described as "just scary."
He tells everyone and his mom
How he served in Vietnam
But the man even pissed off Dave Barry.

Poet Note: To get the Dave Barry reference, visit http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6761106.htm

stinking, fucking, lack of HTML coding ability, piss fuck, mutter, mutter, mutter

George Bush is the top man to beat,
Which could turn out to be quite a feat.
Though his spending is huge,
There could be a deluge
Of “Bush” votes from Saddam’s defeat.

A man from Vermont, who’s named Dean,
Tends to come off as sounding quite mean.
He’s snarky and snide
If you’re not on his side,
Which could hurt his election machine.

Dick Gephardt, a man from Missouri,
Is running for Prez, though a flurry
Of others I know
Run a much better show
Than this poor hapless man from Missouri.

If a person could possibly mix
Two candidates, then it would fix
The unfortunate trend
Of George Bush to spend,
And Dean’s socialist health plan to nix.

There once was a General
Named Clark, tall and terrible
He spoke with a boom
As he entered the room
With ideas far too old and venerable

The ex-general by the name Wesley Clark
As president would be a shot in the dark
He knows much about war
But can't relate to the poor
I'm afraid this old dog has no bark

So sad was John Kerry's face
When Clark jumped into the race
and said "Bad news for you!
I served in Nam too!
Your one selling point's been erased!"

(SEE ALSO)

Hillary Rodham Clinton
was yellow as a chicken
she said she wouldn't run
now fears she jumped the gun

Bush's approval starts slippin
and Hillary was now trippin
all 9 dwarves with fear on their face
watch as she enters the primary race

Loud applause and cheers
from every wacko liberal queers
brings her neck and neck at the end
soon pulls her into a primary win

Now she pounds the podeum in anger
looking shrill, evil, a danger
not to President Bush or the Reps
but to herself as her sanity slips

She screams death to all non-liberals
and screams death to military heroes
and forgets that she lives in America
the land of the free, the brave, not the hysterica

Sharpton in 2004?
When I saw that, my jaw hit the floor
There's no fucking way
That on Election Day
I will vote for that coiffed camera-whore

There once was a man named Pat Paulsen
Who for President would run and run.
I know that he's dead
Still I'd like him instead
Of Dick Gephardt or Joe Lieberman

Kerry was a front running man,
Until contradictions botched up his plan,
Reversing stances each day
In what he would say,
Except “Did I mention I was in ‘Nam?”

Dean tapped into Dems gnashing and bashing,
Those giving Bush a vicious tongue-lashing,
“Who cares I can’t win?
My goal in the end,
Is to outdo McGovern’s big thrashing!”

A quick one, even though she isn't running for prez. Yet.

Ms. Lee says it’s a racist society,
Even hurricanes are an example today.
“The Atlantic wind’s blowing,
And Isabel should be going
By the name of Jamal or Shaniqua.”

Dean wanted the Dem's nomination
And so waited in anticipation
For our soldiers' collapse
Under fatal mishaps,
As if failure were good for the nation.

There once was a man from Vermont
whose wisdom was sorely in want.
But sadly his lack
sent him front of the pack,
though his mainstream credentials are gaunt.

"Dean Wins!" read rhe right, with dismay.
"Oh, no!" "Oh my Lord!" "Rue the day!"
As he socialized health,
And taxed all our wealth,
And went the Canadian Way.

That was a horrifying look at a possible future, not a Dean endorsement.

They all want to be the big chief
They scream that our leader's a thief.
I have a strong hunch
They'll be losing a bunch
Of those who don't share their belief.

"I will vote for that coiffed camera-whore"

Beautiful!

Guys, watch that meter, most of these limericks aren't really scanning. More here. Here's my pathetic one:

It's only September, I see
In the year of Two-Thousand and Three
Much too early to tell
Yet the pundits all yell
"I know who will win! Hark to MEEEEE!"

Sorry, it's 14 months away, I can't get worked up about anything at this stage. :)

Thanks People... I like people who express their
opinions

Thanks People... I like people who express their
opinions