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While I'm Away

Even if I the gods of Mars have aligned to allow me brief access at work, it does not matter. I've been on a vacation for a week. Any idea what my desk looks like today?

I do have something for you to do while I'm hard at work, though.

Caption either of these two pictures taken in Alabama at CommandmentPallooza.

300_commandments_putitback.jpe 300_commandments_pray_groun.jpe

I've been having fun imagining just what that soul-enriched, commandment loving man in the first picture is saying.

Fake prizes awarded later. Have fun, entertain me while I slay the file monster residing on my desk.


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"Hey Cooter, pull mah fanger!"

picture 2

Sobbing over the fallen body of his brother Cooter, Cletus says "I TOLD ya never ta pull ol' EarlWayne's fanger, but you was never much for listnin', was ya?"

Picture 1: "Find me some french fries so I can feed my florid face."

"Move that monument, and God will strike you dead."

Man on ground: "Why, God, why didn't you strike them dead?"

Picture 1:

"Ugh...ugh...one more push and that turd'll come right out..."

Picture 2: Tragically, the Alabama CPR course left out one small detail, such as that it's best administered to the victim's chest.


"Uh, let's back up a step.... First, let's make sure the victim is face up before starting CPR"

Dang, MCGehee beat me by 30 secs.

"And I'm telling you Goddard was never HALF as important to the French New Wave as Truffaut was!"

Picture 1: "I can topple this thing with one push of my finger. Don't mess with... uh... Alabama."

Picture 2: "Dan, I did warn you about being shot from the back. And the cameraman gave you fair warning too... they're a vicious bunch them meeja-hoors"


Mumbled while lips glued shut "You can't take away my freedom of speech!"


"Damn. These Fundamentalists do talk out of their asses!"

F-f-father forgive me for what I'm about to...

Aw, hell! #)(*$#(&*&%$%)$)(#_$_~!!!

Picture One:

Fuck it! Why am I the only one not wearing a fucking hat?!! Look, even that guy's wearing one!

Picture Two:

This massage would be a might more fulfilling if you was wearing a wife beater like me.

better yet, Ryan:

"Ay! That shit aint funny! Yew better gimme back mah John Deere hat raht now, yew muterfuckerrr! Don't make me whoop yo ass, boy!"

#1: "You young kinds don't know doodly squat. When I was a tot, all that was trees and farmland, not these gawt-damned strip malls."

#2: AP Photowire: Billy Jo Raymond Bryant, age 34, uses a battery powered compressor to reinflate Jim "Pete" Hutchins, 25, who was squashed by the 2 ton monument to the Ten Commandments as he attempted to prevent it's removal from the Montgomery Alabama Courhouse.


"Ah aam thu Greatest..."


"Jeezus, Denny? When I told you where to stick your monument, I was only feching kidding, okay?"

Pic 2:

"It's OK, I'm sure Indymedia will call you an 'enemy' too. They just got to Michele first, is all."

#1: Actually, here's what he's really saying.

#2: Poor Chester's first clumsy foray into the world of hot gay sex was forever ruined when he couldn't figure out that his partner's balls weren't located on his left shoulder blade.

Meanwhile, in a related story, just next door to Alabama, the two candidates for the position of Mississippi State Governor are engaged in an orgy of "Ten Commandments Statue Loving" to attract the (very large) conservative christian vote in the upcoming November Gubernatorial race.

incumbent Governor, Ronnie Musgrove (a Democrat who looks like he should be a republican - some smarmy upban accountant or PR reptile) has promised to have the statue on display in the State Capitol for a week. To counter this, hopeful Haley Barbour (a republican who looks like he shoudl be a democrat - the plumber or a/c maintenance man, complete with ass cleavage) wants to get the statue and place it in the Mississippi Governor's mansion.

God save me from religious fundamentalists.

The ten commandments are not a christian thing - they are part of the jewish religion.

Picture 1: "No really. I think that is Jennifer Anniston."

Picture 2: "Just hold still. I'll have this bee stinger out of your ass in no time."

...critics say it was the low budget that killed the E.T. sequel.

In photo #1, we see Ken Barnett portraying a non-convincing E.T., re-creating the famous pose from the first movie. Even Steven Spielberg, shown in the back with the blue hat, seems to realize this production will be going straight to the bargain-bin video racks.

In photo #2, we see a behind-the-scenes shot of the new movie's end, when E.T. has gone back home yet again. Sadly, Henry Thomas (seen here face down), reprising his role as Elliot, just doesn't seem to have the same charm as when he was a young kid.

This is a good example of why some movies should never have sequels....

#1: Ken Barnett seems to forget here, that while he has a finger pointed at the workers removing the monument, he has three pointed back at himself....

#2: "Don't you see?!? It's all beginning to happen! First, they take the monument away, then the Dow Jones Industrial Average dips exactly 6.66 points - tell me that's just coincidence - And it's just going to get worse from there!"

Picture #1: An aged Neo points defiantly at an encroaching throng of hat-wearing Agent Smiths.

Picture #2: On the opening day of redneck season, Hank Fredericks bagged a 232 lb. Alabama drawler. The kill, the 3rd biggest in state history, will be stuffed and hung over Fredericks' mantel.

The locals are trying to go on with their lives as normally as they can. Meanwhile, these pictures show that outside agitators come in to fight the decisions of the U.S. government because they percieve a threat to the purity and superiority of their religion.

This is not an easy time for Iraq, er...uh...I mean, Alabama.

Pic 2:

Bless us, O Lord,
For these, your gifts,
Which we are about to receive
From the bounty
of Christ Our Lord.

Picture 1.

My mom told me that if I kept making this face it would stick. I guess she was right.

Pic 2.


I think the site itself said it best~
"Stamp out god-haters.
Gimme a dollar."

Picture 1:

"I didn't get a 'harrumph' outta that guy."

Picture 2:

"I told you that a screaming tantrum didn't work, Bubba. Don't you watch Texas politics?"

Photo 1:

"...an' then Samuel L. Jackson goes, 'An' you will KNOW mah name is THE LORD when ah lay mah vengeance upon thee!'"

Photo 2"

"Don't turn around, that cameraman's looking at your ass. DON'T make eye contact, maybe he'll go away."

I think Edward wins for Pic 1!!!!

Hey, does anyone have a high quality picture of the monument they could send me? Thanks.