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Worst Album Ever: The Results

The nomination portion of the Worst Album Ever poll is over.

Using a series of mathematical equations, statistics stolen from the MIT computer database and the sorting hat from Harry Potter, it has become undoubtedly clear that the worst album ever by a mostly decent band is....

[insert drum roll]

U2's Zooropa!

What I actually did was use the Design Your Own Hell program and had the bands fight to the death in an all-out, click-this-space war.

It is quite the comfort to note that any Post-Hagar Van Halen is Buried for Eternity in the fourth circle of Rock and Roll Hell.

In fact, most of the albums ended up in circles of hell where the description of their afterlife suits them perfectly.

Wu-Tang - Wu Tang Forever
Circle I Limbo

Bjork - Homogenous
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

REM - Monster
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Guns N Roses - Use Your Illusion I & II
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Any Post-Hagar Van Halen
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Clash - Cut the Crap
Circle VII Burning Sands

Pink Floyd - Division Bell
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

U2- Zooropa
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Thanks to everyone who participated, except for the person who deemed it necessary to make a snarky comment about the album of a musician who participated in the voting. Totally unecessary.

I'm already thinking of a way to use this hell generator for another vote-a-thon.


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Woo hoo! I win!

(Okay, not really, but I did nominate it. Hey, I'll take my chuckles any way I can get'em.)

Uh oh - I L-O-V-E U2 and all of their albums. That said, Zooropa is definitely at the bottom of the CD stack (I'd never say it was a favorite).

As for worst album E-V-E-R - how did Tiffany stay off the list (she's got two or three albums). Or any of Debbie Gibson's (she's got 6 or 7 I think) or Stacey Q's one album or Boy George's last 3?

I'll admit it's frightening that I even know these cd's exist.

Hey... lay off Deborah. At least she writes her own shit.

Not to mention that 'Deborah' Gibson can actually be found singing back up vocals on a Circle Jerks record. That's pretty hip for a ex Pop Tart.


I once heard a dj on WXRT in Chicago (Great Station) say U2 makes bad music, but its IMPORTANT bad music.

This wasn't a simple "worst album" deal. It was "worst album from someone of whom you expect more". Who cares if Tiffany put out a bad album? Nobody ever thought she'd make a good one, did they? Maybe "most disappointing album" would have been a better title.

(BTW, I'm pretty sure the Liz Phair nomination was for her new album, not Exile.)

I actually love the Zooropa album... I am a freak.

You're having way too much fun with this hell-toy.

I vote for you for "most creative use of Roman Numerals", for your eighth level of Hell.

hmmm.. I dunno that I'd put R.E.M.'s "Monster" in the top ten. It's not as good as some of their other stuff, but it's hardly a piece of dirt.. and it has the added distinction of being Bill Berry's last album with the band.

Nah, "Monster" isn't that bad. Hell, it does have "King of Comedy" on it - which makes it galaxies ahead of "Spaghetti Incident."

Hm. I liked Zooropa better than Achtung Baby or anything that came out after, except "The Sweetest Thing".

I liked Monster OK, too.

Aah, what do I know.

But never, don't never, put Debbie G down.

I liked Monster as well. Of course, that could be for the good make-out sessions it provided the husband and I in college...but...

Yikes! Yes, as Thlayli states above, the Liz Phair nomination was for her latest self-titled "album," not the classic Exile in Guyville.

I liked Guns n Roses Use your Illusion I and II. I feel so old...I heard it as Musak in the grocery store.

I was on sabbattical backpacking thorugh Europe when this album hit the scenes. I had been spending a lot of times in clubs and raves and had just gotten accustomed to European Rave music and recognized U2's Zooropa for what it was; a sell-out to the European club music market.

I have always wondered if lack of sales here in America drove them to reform their music. Their next album of original tracks was named Pop and the first track of the next after that was Pop Muzik.

You can truly feel the return to a rock and roll influence with only a slight industrial feel in the guitar solo on Beautiful Day.

At least in this humble music fan's opinion.

I take exception.

The Division Bell is NOT a bad album.

So there.

Yeah and Van Hagar is not that bad as say er Van Cherone. REM should have been way lower in hell.

monster wasn't bill berry's last album with rem; that distinction belongs to 1996's new adventures in hi-fi..

and i don't think even they like monster. :)

Zooropa was simply burning off energy b/w the different legs of the ZooTV tour. There are some astoundingly beautiful songs on there: Stay, The First Time, a truly weird collaboration that worked, The Wanderer, a great falsetto, Lemon and a song that produced the funniest video of U2's career, Numb.

Pop was indeed the title of the next album but Pop Muzik was not a U2 track. It was a song released in 1979 (I can't track down the artist) that U2 remixed and used to come through the crowd to open the shows during the PopMart tour.

So, if you going to put any U2 album in Ice (not that I would) it would have to be October.

Pop Muzik was done by M. That's right, M.

Why do I know such things?