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Battle of the Worst Albums Ever

load.bmp There's no point in trying to post my twenty page essay on comic books, censorship and children without the appropriate links which I can't look up because well, you know the story.

So what better way to lift the tedium of all work and no play than by having my comments emailed to me after I make a post that just begs for comments?

I'm in the midst of an email discussion with a friend about the worst albums ever. I don't mean albums like William Shatner sings the Best of The Pixies, which no one in their right mind would buy, or any effort by any American Idol participant, because that reaches levels of suckiness not yet invented.

Think albums from your favorite bands. Albums that you bought with mouth-watering anticipation only to get home, tear off the wrapper, hit play and sink into an abyss of despair after realizing that your favorite band has jumped the shark.

Think of all those bands that made you wait five years in between albums, only to put out something that sounded as if it took five seconds to put together [coughweezercough].

It doesn't even have to be from a band you loved, just an album you bought that made you immediately reach for the barf bag or demand a refund.

List as many as you want and I'll try to narrow them as we go along until Friday afternoon, when the last two remaining suckfest albums from the list culled from your responses will fight to the death for the title of Worst.Album.Ever.

Even if flame wars and band-fights ensue in the comments, at least I'll be entertained while I'm chained here to my desk reading my email and wondering what the hell is going on in the world.

Have at it.

Brought to you by Lisa, the original Sister Christian.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Battle of the Worst Albums Ever:

» Take that, Michele! from Ain't too proud to blog
Weezer is coming out with a new album soon (recording starts late this summer or fall) -- and it sounds like this one is going in a more "Pinkerton" direction. They're also releasing an expanded edition of the "Blue Album". This.....I can't =w=ait for!... [Read More]

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Blender has named the 50 worst artists in music history. The only one that left me scratching my head and saying "huh?" was The Doors at #37. C'mon people. You gave up a spot on the list for Leo Sayer for that? Other than said-Doors CD -- here are the ... [Read More]


Rush, Power Windows. My ears bleed just thinking about it.

Candy Dulfer, For the Love of You. I love me some Candy, but damn that CD gave me massive headaches.

Umm... a much anticipated album which we rushed onto the turntable, sampled the cuts and ran out of the radio station library, gagging uncontrollably... well, that would be the soundtrack album for "Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band" perpetrated by (among others) the Bee-Jees. It sucked on a level unmeasurable by then-existant technology.

That would be the "Bee-Gees" . (Preview is my friend, preview is my friend....)

The Fragile, Nine Inch Nails. I waited five years for that???

You did not just mock the =w=!

The one that leaps immediately to my mind is Cut the Crap by the "new" Clash (actually, didn't you have a horror story about seeing them live?), but this is difficult to prove as most people wisely avoided it.

Emerson, Lake & Palmer-"Love Beach" uuuggghh.

That's gotta be Dieselboy's The 6ixth Session. The one time that I agreed with critics of drum n' bass, this album was a whole bunch of noise.

Over-produced, pretentious, heavy-metal-wannabe, make you wait 8 YEARS for the damn follow-up . . . ladies and gentlemen, I present you with Third Stage by Boston. Should have a warning label - "Not Suitable for those with Any Hearing Whatsoever!"

liz phair's new album! exile in guyville was one hell of a statement. her new album must hold some sort of record for being the quickest to make it to the $3 bin. even when pitchfork gave it a 0.0 rating, i figured i'd at least hear it for myself. what was she thinking????

"Zero Tolerance for Silence" by Pat Metheny. Cacaphonous jazz is either for people way smarter or way stupider than I, possibly both. This one was unbearable.

Honorable mention:

"Tougher than Leather" by Run-DMC

Tubthumper by Chumbawamba. Everyone knows the top ten song Tubthumping ("I get knocked, I get up again, blahdy blahdy blah..."). I made the mistake of listening to some of the other songs at Barnes & Noble. Blech!

Just about everything by Pearl Jam after '10.' Except for the song 'Better Man.'

And for the post that I'm sure will arise from this one:

Album That You Bought for One Song, Didn't Listen To for Years, And Is Now A Fully-Appreciated, Permanent Resident of Your CD Changer

'Neon Ballroom' by Silverchair

Homogenous from Bjork. I loved Bjork before that album. It is unlistenable, though some would argue she was unlistenable before, but i digress. There is nothing resembling music on that album, it is just a montage of unrelated sounds put together in a vain attempt to fill a CD. I love Bjork's older stuff, but damn, this album reeks.

Forget Metallica's Load, at least that album had melody and rythum. Granted, it sucked because it was Metallica, but it would have been pretty ok and listenable if it wasn't Metallica. But Bjork's Homogenous was SHITE.

Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music." I know he was saying f--- you to his label, but he said it to the public as well.

I gotta second the motion for "Cut the Crap" by the Clash II or whatever you wanna call them.

That was just a bad, bad, bad move.

At least every good historical account of that band seems to end with "Combat Rock." They just don't talk about much after 1982 or 83. That's a particular form of revisionist history that I can certainly live with...

though, I'll love Bjork again if she actually comes out and makes a GOOD album again (good from my prospective, then again, my prospective can be a little warped sometimes hehe)

The latest piece of cack from Metallica? We are talking major releases here. As you lot know I am rock critic and have experienced many occuracnes of aural pain over the years. The latest from Insane Clown Posse being a classic example of complete and utter excrement.

Pink Floyd has had two tremendous stinkers, well after they became famous. "The Final Cut" and "The Division Bell" are both abysmal. They had poor albums early in their career ("More"), but at least those were interesting in the sense that they were very "progressive", by which I mean trippy.

Must cast my lot for Use Your Illusion I & II by Guns n' Roses. It was clear at that point... the magic was gone.

For me the Clash's 'Sandinista' was a real shocker and dissappointment when it came out. It was such an unexpected departure from 'London Calling.' As time went on, I really warmed to Sandinista and now find some of my fave Clash songs on it (and the only Clash tunes I tend listen to these days).

Hey now. I love The Final Cut. Division Bell is pretty good for what it is, but my allegiance lies with Roger Waters.

I've had a lot of such disappointments, but one of the biggest (and it MUST have been a world-shattering bummer at the time because I still remember how I felt 22 years later): FACE DANCES by my all-time faves, The Who.

Pink Floyd's The Division was homogenous shit. It didn't even sound like Pink Floyd, Though I am biased because I am also a fan of Roger Waters. When he was in the band, it was great to me. When he was kicked out, it went to shit.

You've got the wrong Metallica album - their Big Disappointment was the black album.

Lauren Hill's MTV Unplugged No. 2.0. No matter how much I wanted and tried to love it, that's one ugly mess of a second child.

Honorable mention: Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun.

REM - Monster. What's the frequency at which this unadulterated crap will no longer be audible, Kenneth?

Jane's Addiction - Strays. Yep, strays from the definition of listenable.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: The Boatman's Call. You follow up Murder Ballads with The Boatman's Call? Pure balls.

Even worse for me, because they're one of my favorite bands ever, was Filth Pig by Ministry. Psalm 69 is a classic. Filth Pig was to that album what Godfather III was to Godfather II. Not just bad, but betrayal bad.

Any Stones album that came out after (arguably) Some Girls could go too. Lots of bands have that bubble album, where it's that last gasp of greatness before the suck starts flowing like wine. Some Girls was that album for the Stones. Green for REM, Justice for Metallica, Mothers Milk for the Chilis, etc...

What Weezer album sounds like it was thrown together in 2 seconds?? Robyn, you gonna stand for that? PUT 'EM UP!

Somebody already went with "Use Your Illusion," the climax of one of the more entertaining band implosions of all time, so I'll stick with U2's "Zooropa." How U2 went from the brilliance of "Achtung Baby" to this pile of pop crap remains the great mystery of the 90's. At least they redeemed themselves with "All That You've Left Behind."

Jason - The Boatman's Call was great - nothing was going to top Murder Ballads, mind you, but still.

Nocturama was what did it for me. Two, maybe three good songs, and the rest of the album was...not the Nick Cave I came to love.

Lords of Acid - Heaven is an Orgasm. yawn

ok, somebody mentioned Metalli¢a... i heard a song from their latest album on the radio yesterday. i just have to say, that was such a weak piece of shit, i couldn't even bear to listen to half of it. man, whatever happened to songs like "Battery"?

oh yeah. they $old out. $t. Anger. whatever.

REM had a good album?

My vote has to be Asia / Astra. Their first two albums were fun, but that one was just pretentious crap. I think I may have listed to that tape only twice, and the second time was to make sure it was as bad as I thought it was.

U2's Rattle and Hum was arguably the worst "sandwich" album of all time. Half live tracks, a lot of crap, a couple good songs. Made worse by the horribly vain Rattle and Hum movie, and the fact that Bono apparently thinks he's Rock Jesus. Just the height of his rock/politics, although he switches from Irish independence to black America and the civil rights movement.

In general this album wouldn't seem so awful, except it was sandwiched between Joshua Tree and Achtung Baby, probably two of the best rock albums ever. 1987-1991 for U2 was like a shit sandwich on gold.

Well, I'll be the backwater rube who admits to having adored the straight-ahead good time rock 'n roll of KISS in my childhood. But when their bizarre stab at concept rock Music from The Elder came out, I was flabbergasted. What the hell was that?!!!

I would have to say "Everyday" and onwards from the Dave Matthews Band. Did they all suddenly go on Prozac or something? And what's worse, there's a whole group of fans that thinks not only that Everday was great, but that the music before that sucked. Gag me, please.

Lots of bands have that bubble album, where it's that last gasp of greatness before the suck starts flowing like wine. Some Girls was that album for the Stones. Green for REM . . .

Whaaaaa . . . ? I'm with you all the way on "Monster," but there's no way that "Out of Time" or "Automatic for the People" can be dismissed as bad albums. Maybe not as consistently good as "Green," but certainly not bad.

I agree with Phil on REM; they hit the wall after Automatic for the People, but that and Out of Time are good albums. Well, except for "Shiny Happy People".

And while Rattle & Hum isn't much, it's freaking Sgt. Pepper next to Zooropa and Pop.

I have lost track of all the bad albums Prince has put out since Purple Rain.

The Bangles - "Everything". The reason you don't remember them as a rock band, the way I do.

You've got to acknowledge the crime against humanity that is "Hooked on Classics". Much to my horror, my parents got the for me, having noticed my interest in classical music. The equivalent in literature would be something akin to ripping famous sentences from classic books, and interspersing them fourth rate cartoons. Nothing to me signifies the end of civilization as much as these dismembered bits of great music set to a disco beat.

U2's "Zooropa"...without a doubt..my heart sank that day

I have to go with "Cut the Crap" by The Clash. Granted, "Sandinista!" was a self indulgent pile of bad dub music, but at least there was one good album's worth of music there. "Combat Rock" was worse, but livable. "Cut the Crap", without Mick Jones, was without a doubt one of the worst pieces of crap ever minted. Especially from "The Only Band That Matters". I played my copy of "London Calling" until it was just flat wore out, and it still stands the test of time. Incomparable. After a masterpiece like that, "Cut the Crap" was painful.

doh How could I forget? (Other than trying extremely hard to) Bob Dylan's "Self Portrait" redefines the term "piece of shit," taking it a higher (lower?) plane.

Neil Young has put his share of clunkers out there, usually just feeling/sounding weird. But just when I'm ready to write him off he always surprises me. In a good way. Out of respect, I won't mention the horrid Crazy Horse records.

A few other major disappointments, based on the artists prior good work:
Robbie Robertson "Storyville"
Brian Wilson "Imagination"
Iggy Pop "Avenue B"
Blake Babies "God Bless the Blake Babies"

Xavier, you bad man. Homogenous is pure brilliance, outdone only by Vespertine. (Selma Songs was weak.) How can you say Joga (track 2) is not music?

Queensryche: Operation Mindcrime was brilliant, Empire was a great album too. Then they put out the weak-ass Promised Land, and followed that up (yes, the sucker kept buying) with Hear in the Now Frontier. Crap.

Dokken: Dysfunctional. Should have stayed broken up.

P.S. Great topic.

I'm dating myself, but I have to vote for "Wings - Wild Life". We were all still licking our wounds over the Beatle's breakup when McCartney unloaded this bomb. Enough to convince you that Paul really was dead.

U2's Zooropa. I still bear the scars. Still.

I have to say that I love Bjork's "Homogenic". I think it's brilliant. It's edgy. It's distinctly less pop than its two predecessors, but I think it contains some of her best stuff. "Bachelorette"? Effing BRILLIANT!

A bitterly disappointing bad album?

The solo album from Richard Ashcroft, former lead singer of the Verve.


Ooh! Ooh!

"Boys for Pele"


Coal Chamber: Chamber Music. Eugh.

A small correction on U2 and "Irish independence"; if you listen to the lyrics of a song like "Sunday Bloody Sunday," you'll see it's not about independence, but about civil rights (in that case, the civil rights of the opressed Catholic minority in Northern Ireland - folks who want their right of free speech and assembly, and then get attacked & shot down in the street for their troubles). Note that Bono specifically attacks seperatist terrorist groups like the IRA in "Rattle and Hum." He may be an arrogant man, but linking the black American civil rights and the Catholic Irish civil rights movements is sure as shooting not a stretch (hell, they even used the same anthem, "We Shall Overcome;" you did know before Bloody Sunday that they were intended to be a non-violenet movement specifically patterned on Martin Luther King, right?)

-Guns 'n Roses Use your Illusion, already twice mentioned
-Metallica's black album.
-Chris Cornell Euphoria Morning, technically not Soundgarden, but bad enough to qualify.

Nice choice Dave - "Boys For Pele" has a couple of good songs ("Talula" and "Blood Roses" spring to mind) but it's my one disliked Tori Amos album. On the other hand, the "Talula" EP does have the weirdly charming ditty "That's What I Like."

Ooh! Ooh!

"Boys for Pele"


Not freakin shit...what brand of crack was she smoking then?

Also, I've gotta argue with the Use Your Illusion knock. At least GNR did us the favor of not making us pay for both at the same time. Civil War, Don't Cry (alt. lyrics) and November Rain are standing the test of time on my WinAmp playlist. And one of the top ten best remakes ever (Knockin' On Heaven's Door) was on there as well. It was The Spaghetti Incident that made me cry.

Here's a good theme for a party. Tell all invitees to make a CD or tape of their votes for the 10 Best rock songs ever. I guarantee you conversation will ensue.

Defintely dating myself here, but the latest discs from Fleetwood Mac, Steely Dan, Don Henley, and Bob Dylan are all truly awful. Not to mention the last several attempts by Elton John.

I can't agree with whomever said Floyd's Final Cut was bad-- I rather enjoy that one. But Division Bell was definitely crap (although What Do You Want From Me was tolerably reminiscent of the band's better days)

If you're looking for shit albums from bands that were once great in the commercial (rather than musical) sense, you can look at the last several releases by Bon Jovi and Def Leppard-- their stuff is just flat comical these days.

Bruce Springsteen, The River.

Guns'N'Rose, while at one time a great band, should be cast into a firey pit of hell for attemopting to remake 'Knocking on Heaven's Door." On the other hand, they did do a great remake of "Sympathy For The Devil" for the "Interview With A Vampire" soundtrack.

Nobody's really talking about hip hop albums here, so I'll get the ball rolling on that with "Wu-Tang Forever," a double album full of crap after a great debut.

Gotta go with Barenaked Ladies, Stunt. One decent song that got overplayed in about five minutes, the rest a huge crapfest, including one of the most tasteless songs I've ever heard ("She's On Time," celebrating a girlfriend's period.)

I had huge hopes for Audioslave, but after their single turned out to be such a disappointment, I've not bothered with the album.

JohnO beat me to it, but I wanted to second ELP's Love Beach. Perversely awful...and that title!
Alien spores infested their brains.
JoeG: Try Queensryche's Q2K. Much, much better than the previous two...albeit no Operation Mindcrime.

1. Ozzmosis - Ozzy Osborne...Perry Mason? What the fuck?

2. Reload - Metallica : Load was bad, but everyone has a bad album. But Metallica always has to beat themselves, so they found a way to make this one worse.

3. Wu-Tang Forever - Someone already said this one, but that's what happens when you let the ODB write everyone's lyrics.

4. The Offspring - Ixne on the Hombre - what the hell was that about?

5. Marilyn Manson - Smells Like Children - you follow up a sick debut album with a remix album with little kids cursing? It's like south park, only awful.

6. Stone Temple Pilots - Little turds floating near the vatican in my toilet - I dont even remember the name of this album that's how bad it was.

Styx: "Mr. Roboto". Eclipsed in awfulness only by "Edge of the Century"
For some reason, every other Van Halen album sucked. "I" was awesome, "II" was boring. "Women and Children First" rocked, don't even get me started on the suckdom that was "Fair Warning". "Diver Down" was also awesome. "1984" kicked butt again. "5150" was fair. "OU812" had some really good songs, unique. So I guess they were hit and miss for me.

Steve Miller's Wide River.

He should've called it quits after his greatest hits release. I know he won't be remembered as the greatist artist of all time, however, he sold a lot of albums and was a big part of my youth and many others.

I disagree on the Liz Phair comment... she was good before, now she's taking it in a new direction, but I think the new stuff's not bad, either.

I really can't think of any bad albums, myself... I've had pretty good luck with ones I've bought.

Liz phair was never good.All the little wankers were just trying to convince everyone that she was good.I won't even say she blows,because,you know,that would be....oh .....lame


I didn't think the new Steely Dan was bad, per se, but not up to par with their previous work. I kind of thought maybe these were the songs that didn't make it onto "2 Against Nature." Their wit is still there but much of the music sounds like it's straight off your local "Smooth Jazz" station. Alas, subpar Steely is better than no Steely, whereas you can smell bad Fleetwood Mac for miles.

Let It Be, Beatles.

...including the title song. Sorry.

Anything by Radiohead after "OK Computer". Even though I keep on buying them...

G 'n R, "The Spaghetti Incident?" A friend of mine still refers to it as "The Spaghetti Accident".

Metallica, "Load". "Black" wasn't bad, just a change in direction. Unfortunately, the wrong direction.

Rush, "Test for Echo". Still unlistenable after all these years. At least they redeemed themselves with "Vapor Trails" (ahemHETFIELDcough); not their finest work, but better than TfE.

Collins, the STP album was called "Tiny Music: Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop". I should know. I bought that piece of crap.

My personal moment of utter disappointment was when I bought Van Halen's "Balance". Gag. Ack. Gark. I had been a very happy fan up until then. Even OU812 made me happy.

Balance was unbelievably boring and pointless. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

I've had other bad albums. Mellencamp's "Human Wheels", for instance. But none disappointed me like Balance did.

Let It Be, Beatles.

...including the title song. Sorry.

No need to apologize. You can blame Phil Spector for that one anyway.

As for the Pink Floyd discussion, Division Bell wasn't bad -- it just wasn't Floyd. Roger Waters' solo effort, again not bad, wasn't Floyd either. That was truly a band that needed all its parts to work.

The only LP I've ever bought that truly disappointed me was Fush Yu Mang by Smashmouth. Granted, I was basing my purchase only on one single, but once you got past "Walking on the Sun," there was nothing else on the disk worth listening to. We won't get fooled again, as someone said once...

Sticking with the rules of the list, where it has to be a stunningly bad album from someone previously good, I would definitely say the new Liz Phair album wins. I can't think of any other artist that has gone from such a high high to such a low low.

Though I agree about the deficiencies of later U2, later Pink Floyd, and that every other Van Halen album is forgettable. I'm surprised that no one has mentioned Fleetwood Mac's Tusk, which was supposed to be the gold standard of this sort of thing when it came out, though I understood why they did it (the album is often "appreciated" but is it ever loved?).

And I have to mention an obscure 90's band called Madder Rose, which I thought was a great grunge-y band until they repudiated their sound (not just changed their sound, but actually had press releases repudiating it) and released some techno garbage cd that I sold back to the store in less than a day....

The VH album with Cherone in...Balance was it I think. Any album by REM. Dokken's Dyfunctional was just that, Motley Crue's latest was shite, Lord & Reload, Kix "Blow My Fuse", Britney Fox live...eww.

I have to stick up for Bjork's "Homogenic" - it's a great album. Weird, but very satisfying. Also, she HAS come out with an album since then, "Vespertine," which is great as well, and a bit more poppy than "Homogenic."

I thought Cut The Crap sucked, but then the only record I ever even kind of liked by the Clash was the first side of Black Market Clash.


I didn't bring up "Tusk" because Fleetwood Mac never had a good album to start with.

How about every album put out by an ex-Beatle (overheard many years ago, "Hey look, Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings"); every sulf-indulgent piece of tripe Elvis Costello has put out beginning with Spike (hmm, must be the McCartney influence), the Pogues without Shane McGowan (drunk or even drunker), or the Bay City Rollers after ... oh never mind.

Mr. Weasel's comment reminds me of something I'd tried to forget.

I bought a Screeching Weasel album once.

Boy, was that a mistake.

"And I have to mention an obscure 90's band called Madder Rose, which I thought was a great grunge-y band until they repudiated their sound (not just changed their sound, but actually had press releases repudiating it) and released some techno garbage cd that I sold back to the store in less than a day...."

Agree, arminius. I got busted on that one too. Caught Madder Rose years ago opening for The Sundays and promptly went out to buy the album Bring it Down. Magnificent. And Panic On, the follow-up, is not bad. But that latest piece of garbage sneers at me in contempt from the shelf. Good money down the drain on a band that has flushed my good faith down the crapper with it.

I will also pile on "Cut the Crap" from the Clash (which was missing Mick Jones at the time). Strummer has since redeemed himself with the Mescaleros, but then he went and died. Bastard.

I also liked "The Final Cut."

I will say anything by REM after Monster.

Also, Sublime's "Second Hand Smoke." The guys is dead, eh, let him rest.

Here is some stinko Follow up:

Cyndi Laupier's next album after "She's so unusual"...

Anything after Meat Loaf's "Bat out of Hell"...

Anything from Dylan after 1970's...

Rolling Grolling bones after "Some Girls"..

Need I say more...

Led Zeppelin's "Coda"

Great Board you have here, My Contributions:

Journey - Frontiers - The epitome of flogging a dead horse. Drained of any original ideas, the remnants of the band just go throught the motions.

Yes - Union - See Above

Elton John - Leather Jackets - My nomination for the single worst of his records. This one sold so bad the the label unceremoniously yanked after a about a week.

Lou Reed - Berlin - No so much bad as utterly depressing. Droning, meandering dirge.

Around the World in a Day - Prince - Not one good song on the entire album. Prince came to realize that not every idea he had was a good one. But not before the rest of us did.

Paul McCartney - Flaming Pie - Critics and fans alike wondered if old Paul was off his meds when this half-baked treat rolled out.

Thinking I was out of style for loving frank sinatra's voice and beethoven's compositions and glenn millers jazzy tunes I thought i give a little contemporary "music" alleged music i should add,A try. Uh yeah that was the worst mistake in history. I've heard people make jokes about new paul mccartney albums sucking but i just wasn't prepared for what i mistakingly thought was legitimate "music". you guessed it, it was one of those "now that's what I call music volumes" you see on tv and when your in a zombie like state that's when the commercial attacks. After torturing my ears for a few minutes I didn't know what the hell happened. It was unexplainable. Like when somebody your talking to happens to spontaeously human combust you won't have anything to say to the police other than "I dont know what the hell happened" All I know is that somewhere in between britney spears and nelly I must have blacked out cause when i came to my senses I tossed the cd in the gutter from where it evolved and was and still am happy with classical music and jazz and bing crosby and everyone else that people today can't stand because they are too worried and caught up in the mtv generation bling bling. So just give franky a chance!

Anything from Ani DiFranco is absolutely wretched.

Also, Manson's new album, "The Golden Age Of Grotesque" is pretty horrible.

Melissa Ethridge: Melissa Ethridge

This chick pushes me beyond limits of homophobia. Just when I thought I couldn't despise myself anymore than I do... this shit comes on the fucking radio AGAIN!

Ah, the dissapointment of buying the new album from a great band/artist, breathless with anticipation, only to put the thing in the stereo and wonder if maybe, just maybe, the artist really always sucked THIS ONE made you realize it.


1. U2 - POP
2. Morrissey - KILL UNCLE
4. 10,000 Maniacs: BLIND MAN'S ZOO
5. Roger Waters: AMUSED TO DEATH
6. Public Enemy: APOCALYPSE '91
7. Willie Nelson: TEATRO
8. Red Hot Chili Peppers: BY THE WAY
9. Too Much Joy: MUTINY
10: Led Zeppelin: PRESENCE