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what lonely former celebrities do in the spare time

The perfect gift for that nostalgia obsessed friend of yours: a phone call from a Hollywood has been. I can imagine how it would go:

(phone rings)

corey.gifFriend: hello?
Hollywood Caller: Hi, is this Miss Mary Smith?
Friend: Yes
Hollywood Caller: Hi, this is a special call from Hollywood!
Friend: Iím sorry, Iím not interested in buying anything right now.
Hollywood Caller: No, you donít understand. This phone call is a gift from a friend. Iím Corey Feldman!
Friend: Corey who?
Hollywood Caller: Corey Feldman...
Friend: Why are you calling me?
Hollywood Caller: Itís what I do now. I make calls to fans for a fee.
Friend: Whatís your name again?
Hollywood Caller: Corey. Corey Feldman.
Friend: Oh! The guy who sang Sunglasses at Night?
Hollywood Caller: No, that was Corey Hart, Iím Corey..
Friend: Oh, I know! You were in First Born!
Hollywood Caller: Uh..no. That was Corey Haim.
Friend: Got it, youíre the other Corey!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, the other Corey. Thatís me.
Friend: So, why are you calling me again?
Hollywood Caller: I work for Hollywood is Calling. Celebrities making personal calls...
Friend: Hey, you were on that reality show last month.
Hollywood Caller: Yes! You saw me?
Friend: Well I watched it once. It wasnít all that good..
Hollywood Caller: oh...
Friend: Everyone said you cried a lot on that show.
Hollywood Caller: Well, yeah. Man, no one liked me. Itís like, I donít know..I was an outsider. I mean, I made some good movies. I was sort of a star.
Friend: Lost Boys was good.
Hollywood Caller: Thank you. I didnít mean to cry that much, itís just that my career has sucked lately and Iíve been really down. Geez itís good to talk to someone about this, I was just thinking that...
Friend: OH.MY.GOD!
Hollywood Caller: What?!?
Friend: I just found the Hollywood is Calling website, and you have Fred Berry! ReRun!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, Fred is...
Friend: Holy shit, Fred Berry! Can you put him on the phone? Can I talk to him?
Hollywood Caller: Iím not with him, Iím calling from my house, itís not like we all work in some big office or something.
Friend: You do this from home? On a Friday night?
Hollywood Caller: Yea...
Friend: How pathetic. No wonder you cry a lot.
Hollywood Caller: (Sobbing sounds as phone drops to floor)

For just $19.95, you too can make a former celebrity cry. Even Lorenzo Lamas.

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference what lonely former celebrities do in the spare time:

» An 80s Celebrity and YOU! from Shelby's Life and Whatnot
That's right! You can fulfill your dream of talking to Corey Feldman and here's an article about it. Just visit HollywoodIsCalling.com to see their list of available celebrities. Act now! Some are only available for a limited time! Michele at... [Read More]

» Under a rock someplace* from Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin'
Where does michele find these things? This one is hilarious! Thanks for a wonderful long chuckle from someone in Texas who is not stuck without electricity. *Uh, this could either be where michele located this story or the place from... [Read More]

» Where Were You When The Lights Went Out? from www [dot] margilowry [dot] com
I'm partially effected by the blackout because the office I... [Read More]

» Time Out from The Swamp
Klein highlights the most irritating facet of the internet. Why is it never reachable? What are these advertisers paying money [Read More]

Comments

Hey HEY Hey

This was funnier than Frank J (especially when he's talking about ammo)

I'd go broke trying to finish the list of celebrity has-beens I'd like to make cry, and the hell of it is, very few on my list are working for that outfit. D'ya suppose they take requests?

I seriously want to talk to Corey Feldman and fuck you if you don't understand!

oh my god!! that is just too cool. I would love this in a geeky I used to be a huge fan of yours kind of way...lol

my sister would be interested to hear from CoryF LOL. I better not tell she could actually do this LOL.

Now if John Cusack were to call me... LOL

Hey, is that black out affecting you? It looks crazy on teh news.

M-

The AP wire here at the station says most of New York is without power right now. If you are reading this, I am guessing that you have at least battery power and access to a phone line.

Everything okay?

D

So how come you're not posting about the blackout?

Okay, sorry. How about a small bit of what I like to call "delicious irony"?

I was listening to the radio news and heard 15-20 minutes of solid coverage about the blackout (most of which consisted of "we don't know yet what happened").

So immediately after this flood, there is a report about Joe Lieberman in the Bay Area blasting Bush's environmental record. The big quote: "When it comes to choosing between power plants and people, he always chooses power plants."

Bad timing can be a lovely thing.

I'm assuming that you're stuck in that insanity somewhere. Just checking in to say "hope you and your kids and your man are alright" although by the time you read this you'll probably be perfectly fine! But I'm saying it anyway. Just 'cuz.

Hope you're doing okay in the blackout!

Hope you're keeping cool! I seriously hope you aren't a subway rider. Looking forward to seeing your post about the apocolypse you're going through.

I work in the same area Michele does. I'm telling you, EVERYTHING got wiped out here. Traffic lights, stores, homes, you name it.

Slowly power is being restored to some bits and pieces of Long Island. I'm able to surf the Net via the generator by our department here. The mood is mellow, but traffic was something out of hell around 4PM-5PM here. It's MUCH better now though, but the traffic lights are still out.

I imagine Michele is safe and sound at home now and royally PISSED that she's without power and can't get online to give the highlights of the day. You'll have to wait till tomorrow my friend. :-)

Pardon while I go gleefully surfing the Web while everyone else is in the dark. Hee hee.

Bahaha damn I have got to call this outfit....
I have an idea, bloggers should call this place, record the calls, and post them to their sites. See who can make an ex-celeb commit suicide or something.

that is really funny, i am still amuzed!!!

Did I tell you that Corey Feldman came to my office to promote his new CD? I have mini-pics taken on a co-worker's camera phone of me & him.

i am interesting in using this amazing service...how do I know it's real.