what lonely former celebrities do in the spare time
The perfect gift for that nostalgia obsessed friend of yours: a phone call from a Hollywood has been. I can imagine how it would go:
(phone rings)
Friend: hello?
Hollywood Caller: Hi, is this Miss Mary Smith?
Friend: Yes
Hollywood Caller: Hi, this is a special call from Hollywood!
Friend: I’m sorry, I’m not interested in buying anything right now.
Hollywood Caller: No, you don’t understand. This phone call is a gift from a friend. I’m Corey Feldman!
Friend: Corey who?
Hollywood Caller: Corey Feldman...
Friend: Why are you calling me?
Hollywood Caller: It’s what I do now. I make calls to fans for a fee.
Friend: What’s your name again?
Hollywood Caller: Corey. Corey Feldman.
Friend: Oh! The guy who sang Sunglasses at Night?
Hollywood Caller: No, that was Corey Hart, I’m Corey..
Friend: Oh, I know! You were in First Born!
Hollywood Caller: Uh..no. That was Corey Haim.
Friend: Got it, you’re the other Corey!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, the other Corey. That’s me.
Friend: So, why are you calling me again?
Hollywood Caller: I work for Hollywood is Calling. Celebrities making personal calls...
Friend: Hey, you were on that reality show last month.
Hollywood Caller: Yes! You saw me?
Friend: Well I watched it once. It wasn’t all that good..
Hollywood Caller: oh...
Friend: Everyone said you cried a lot on that show.
Hollywood Caller: Well, yeah. Man, no one liked me. It’s like, I don’t know..I was an outsider. I mean, I made some good movies. I was sort of a star.
Friend: Lost Boys was good.
Hollywood Caller: Thank you. I didn’t mean to cry that much, it’s just that my career has sucked lately and I’ve been really down. Geez it’s good to talk to someone about this, I was just thinking that...
Friend: OH.MY.GOD!
Hollywood Caller: What?!?
Friend: I just found the Hollywood is Calling website, and you have Fred Berry! ReRun!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, Fred is...
Friend: Holy shit, Fred Berry! Can you put him on the phone? Can I talk to him?
Hollywood Caller: I’m not with him, I’m calling from my house, it’s not like we all work in some big office or something.
Friend: You do this from home? On a Friday night?
Hollywood Caller: Yea...
Friend: How pathetic. No wonder you cry a lot.
Hollywood Caller: (Sobbing sounds as phone drops to floor)
For just $19.95, you too can make a former celebrity cry. Even Lorenzo Lamas.
Comments
Hey HEY Hey
This was funnier than Frank J (especially when he's talking about ammo)
Posted by: JFH | August 14, 2003 03:03 PM
I'd go broke trying to finish the list of celebrity has-beens I'd like to make cry, and the hell of it is, very few on my list are working for that outfit. D'ya suppose they take requests?
Posted by: McGehee | August 14, 2003 03:18 PM
I seriously want to talk to Corey Feldman and fuck you if you don't understand!
Posted by: melly | August 14, 2003 03:31 PM
oh my god!! that is just too cool. I would love this in a geeky I used to be a huge fan of yours kind of way...lol
Posted by: kat | August 14, 2003 03:35 PM
my sister would be interested to hear from CoryF LOL. I better not tell she could actually do this LOL.
Now if John Cusack were to call me... LOL
Posted by: Rachel in Alaska | August 14, 2003 04:24 PM
Hey, is that black out affecting you? It looks crazy on teh news.
Posted by: kat | August 14, 2003 04:38 PM
M-
The AP wire here at the station says most of New York is without power right now. If you are reading this, I am guessing that you have at least battery power and access to a phone line.
Everything okay?
D
Posted by: David Strain | August 14, 2003 04:49 PM
So how come you're not posting about the blackout?
Okay, sorry. How about a small bit of what I like to call "delicious irony"?
I was listening to the radio news and heard 15-20 minutes of solid coverage about the blackout (most of which consisted of "we don't know yet what happened").
So immediately after this flood, there is a report about Joe Lieberman in the Bay Area blasting Bush's environmental record. The big quote: "When it comes to choosing between power plants and people, he always chooses power plants."
Bad timing can be a lovely thing.
Posted by: Ken Summers | August 14, 2003 06:02 PM
I'm assuming that you're stuck in that insanity somewhere. Just checking in to say "hope you and your kids and your man are alright" although by the time you read this you'll probably be perfectly fine! But I'm saying it anyway. Just 'cuz.
Posted by: Sunidesus | August 14, 2003 06:40 PM
Hope you're doing okay in the blackout!
Posted by: Sandy | August 14, 2003 06:43 PM
Hope you're keeping cool! I seriously hope you aren't a subway rider. Looking forward to seeing your post about the apocolypse you're going through.
Posted by: a different Bill | August 14, 2003 07:22 PM
I work in the same area Michele does. I'm telling you, EVERYTHING got wiped out here. Traffic lights, stores, homes, you name it.
Slowly power is being restored to some bits and pieces of Long Island. I'm able to surf the Net via the generator by our department here. The mood is mellow, but traffic was something out of hell around 4PM-5PM here. It's MUCH better now though, but the traffic lights are still out.
I imagine Michele is safe and sound at home now and royally PISSED that she's without power and can't get online to give the highlights of the day. You'll have to wait till tomorrow my friend. :-)
Pardon while I go gleefully surfing the Web while everyone else is in the dark. Hee hee.
Posted by: Berean | August 14, 2003 08:27 PM
Bahaha damn I have got to call this outfit....
I have an idea, bloggers should call this place, record the calls, and post them to their sites. See who can make an ex-celeb commit suicide or something.
Posted by: Graumagus | August 15, 2003 01:26 AM
that is really funny, i am still amuzed!!!
Posted by: nels | August 15, 2003 02:50 AM
Did I tell you that Corey Feldman came to my office to promote his new CD? I have mini-pics taken on a co-worker's camera phone of me & him.
Posted by: Keith | August 15, 2003 08:51 PM
i am interesting in using this amazing service...how do I know it's real.
Posted by: Stu | December 12, 2003 10:39 PM