what lonely former celebrities do in the spare time
The perfect gift for that nostalgia obsessed friend of yours: a phone call from a Hollywood has been. I can imagine how it would go:
Hollywood Caller: Hi, is this Miss Mary Smith?
Hollywood Caller: Hi, this is a special call from Hollywood!
Friend: Iím sorry, Iím not interested in buying anything right now.
Hollywood Caller: No, you donít understand. This phone call is a gift from a friend. Iím Corey Feldman!
Friend: Corey who?
Hollywood Caller: Corey Feldman...
Friend: Why are you calling me?
Hollywood Caller: Itís what I do now. I make calls to fans for a fee.
Friend: Whatís your name again?
Hollywood Caller: Corey. Corey Feldman.
Friend: Oh! The guy who sang Sunglasses at Night?
Hollywood Caller: No, that was Corey Hart, Iím Corey..
Friend: Oh, I know! You were in First Born!
Hollywood Caller: Uh..no. That was Corey Haim.
Friend: Got it, youíre the other Corey!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, the other Corey. Thatís me.
Friend: So, why are you calling me again?
Hollywood Caller: I work for Hollywood is Calling. Celebrities making personal calls...
Friend: Hey, you were on that reality show last month.
Hollywood Caller: Yes! You saw me?
Friend: Well I watched it once. It wasnít all that good..
Hollywood Caller: oh...
Friend: Everyone said you cried a lot on that show.
Hollywood Caller: Well, yeah. Man, no one liked me. Itís like, I donít know..I was an outsider. I mean, I made some good movies. I was sort of a star.
Friend: Lost Boys was good.
Hollywood Caller: Thank you. I didnít mean to cry that much, itís just that my career has sucked lately and Iíve been really down. Geez itís good to talk to someone about this, I was just thinking that...
Hollywood Caller: What?!?
Friend: I just found the Hollywood is Calling website, and you have Fred Berry! ReRun!
Hollywood Caller: Yea, Fred is...
Friend: Holy shit, Fred Berry! Can you put him on the phone? Can I talk to him?
Hollywood Caller: Iím not with him, Iím calling from my house, itís not like we all work in some big office or something.
Friend: You do this from home? On a Friday night?
Hollywood Caller: Yea...
Friend: How pathetic. No wonder you cry a lot.
Hollywood Caller: (Sobbing sounds as phone drops to floor)
For just $19.95, you too can make a former celebrity cry. Even Lorenzo Lamas.