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i'm just as nosy as the rest

If you answered affirmatively in the comments on the post below that you would like to participate in the circle jerk of interviews, you can all answer the same five questions (but remember to follow the rules posted there).

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?
2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?
3. What's your stance on sporks?
4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?
5. Why do birds suddenly appear?

When you answer the questions, post them on your own blog as well as here, and leave a link to your answers.

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference i'm just as nosy as the rest:

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Comments

My answers are up at my blog.

D

I didn't answer the original post because I just read it, but here are my answers:

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?

Hopefully, the smallest kind.

2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?

No. (but that's the standard male answer when a female asks that question - it's in the Rule Book™
3. What's your stance on sporks?

Another Sign of the End Times™

4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?

Don't these questions have to have a basis in reality? Okay, the Party of the People who Say "Ni" and my running mate is whoever is the most popular actor I can bribe to drag in voters.

5. Why do birds suddenly appear?

Because I just washed my car.

Now, I'll go tell you you can interview me. :-)

M-

What I really want to know about you is this.

Post the answer anywhere you like.

D

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?
A yorkie. And I don't have to be a tree. Don't ask.
2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?
Do I look stupid enough to answer this? There is no right or non-self-destructive answer.
3. What's your stance on sporks?
I try not to stand on them as a rule
4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?
My running mate is Nina Hartley And now I forget what the party's called...
5. Why do birds suddenly appear?
Because my pointer picked up the scent.

Done. Answers here.

1.) A dead one, because I'd be one of those "Evil Dead" kind of trees.
2.) No dear, your ass looks great. In fact, you look as good as you did the day we met.
3.) Beats chopsticks.
4.) The "Get The Hell Out Of My Yard" party. I wouldn't have a VP, but let the people take their chances with whoever is Speaker of the House. As for all the functions the VP is supposed to go to, I'll just keep making excuses for not attending until they get tired and stop inviting me.
5.) 'Cause not everybody can afford those stupid tigers like Siegfried & Roy

no website/blog yet...
1. nice doggie...
2. only if you have a fat ass...
3. they make a lousy weapon in a food fight...
4. the "beer & bombs" party, and, hey, who's the cute women at the end of the bar? "wanna be my VP?" could be a good pickup line...not
5. those were the SPECIAL mushrooms, honey

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?
I love all dogs, and they sense this. I would say cats would be my biggest concern.
2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?
Attention, Men, I have finally found the safe answer to this question. Look distracted, say "Huh?" as you are leaving the room. The answer that I have been using for years actually failed recently for reasons that I have not yet determined. That answer was (because I, like Sir Mix-a-Lot, like BUTTS. I like a big, real woman, moves when you spank it, BUTT.) has always been "Baby, those pants aren't tight enough. Where are those black stretch pants you wore last weekend?" For some reason, this resulted in tears the other day. Investigators are combing through the evidence on the tapes to see what went wrong.
3. What's your stance on sporks? I have a titanium one for backpacking. Respect the spork.
4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate? The "Baby Got Back" party. Sir Mix-a-Lot. No, really.
5. Why do birds suddenly appear? because I really didn't think that jackass had the stones to swing at me.

Interview Meeeeeeee!

Sample answer:

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?

I would be a Scots Pine, dearie, and therefore too crabbit and scary to be pissed-on by any dog other than an english one.

I'm in a nice bitchy mood, so:

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?

One with a death wish.

2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?

Yes, no shaddap biatch and fix me a pot pie!

3. What's your stance on sporks?

About the same as my stance on foons.

4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?

Depends on what drug I was ingesting at the time.

5. Why do birds suddenly appear?

They are attracted to my rifle.

cheshirecat

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?

One that could clean up after itself. Hmmm...Golden Retriever?

2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?

I'm on my cell phone, what did you say, honey?

3. What's your stance on sporks?

The plastic ones are awful, but the new titanium sporks really show promise!

4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?

I wouldn't run, but I have found the ticket I'd vote for, because there is no spoon.

5. Why do birds suddenly appear?

Well, when a mommy bird and a daddy bird really love each other...

Posted on my site.

"You frankly have to ask yourself: 'Do I really want to be near somebody who causes birds to appear suddenly? Didn't Alfred Hitchcock do a horror movie about this?'"

-- Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs

mog, what hapens when one spels MicheLe incorectly?

1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you?

Who cares? I just wish the birds would stop crapping on me.

2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?

Why don't you take them off so I can compare?

3. What's your stance on sporks?

I prefer to stir my vodka tonics with a straw, but in a pinch a spork will do.

4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?

"We'll be honest- We're going to lie to you" and my veep would be PJ O'Rourke.

5. Why do birds suddenly appear?

To eat the worms that fattened up on Karen Carpenter.

http://www.balloon-juice.com/archives/002984.html

Fixed my typo, sorry.

  • If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you? — If I were a tree I'd make sure I could communicate with the wasps living on me. No dogs will
    be pissing on this one.
  • Do these pants make my ass look fat? — I have no idea, but if you get enough “yes” answers you might as well wear a skirt.
  • What's your stance on sporks? — My hands are better utensils than those hellish things.
  • You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate? — There's such a thing as a “viable
    third?” Hah! Besides I don't want to run for President.
  • Why do birds suddenly appear? — The curse of Karen Carpenter. And I'm not even allowed to own an air gun in my county.
  • Here you go Michele. Link

    My answers are posted (finally). The questions were... um.. interesting.

    My answers are here (provided my permalinks remain stable...)

    1. Since I'd be a rare Kicking Root tree at the edge of a sheer cliff, they'd have to be awfully fast ones.

    2. Of course not. You look great in everything.

    3. Not enough fish to eat, not enough woman to love. Oh, that's mermaids.

    4. The Mazola Party and Jenna Jameson.

    5. Usually because I just cut someone off in traffic.

    1. If you were a tree, what kind of dog would piss on you
    An Old English Sheepdog. All that fur in his eyes obviously kept him from seeing the perfectly good fire hydrant over there. Stupid dog.

    2. Do these pants make my ass look fat?
    Better you than me.

    3. What's your stance on sporks?
    They might be the byproduct of what happens when you toss plastic utensils in the back of the silverware drawer, or an evil symbol of our society's prediliction for shortcuts. Either way, they scare me.

    4. You're the presidential candidate for a viable third political party. What's it called and who's your running mate?
    It would be called "None of the Above". I'd choose P.J. O'Rourke as a running mate, and make his books required reading as part of high school Civics classes.

    5. Why do birds suddenly appear?
    You see them, too? Oh, thank god.

    Oh, and I see I'm not the only one who named P.J. for a running mate.

    Let's call him up and tell him he's a wanted man.