korey stringer's widow to sue god
Kelci Stringer, widow of NFL player and heat-stroke victim Korey Stringer, plans to sue the NFL and helmet manufacturer Riddell on Monday.
Stringer died in July, 2001 after passing out in the heat during training camp. A bottle of the herbal stimulant ephedra was found in his locker after his death. Ironically no bottle of any type of liquid refreshment was found anywhere near Stringer's body.
There are rumors that Kelci Stringer also plans to sue the Viking fan club, for pressuring her husband to perform up to NFL standards; the parking lot attendant who asked Stringer for his autograph that fateful day, thus making Stringer stay out in the sweltering heat for an extra ten seconds; God, for excessive use of the sun, and Stringer's parents, for giving birth to him and making him endure this pain all those years later.
No word on whether she will posthumously sue Stringer for stupidity, carelessness and excessive machismo on the football field, leading to his death and her eventual loss of marital relations and what surely could have been the millions Stringer would have made in endorsements if he was only smart enough to drink some damn water.