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Vous sucez de tant de différentes manières qu'il fait m'à rire

Marduk has proposed a challenge to Lair, Meryl and myself for our blogathon stint.

During your 24 hours of blogging, you each have to each come up with one really good insulting thing to say about the French (Belgians too). For each one, I'll pledge another $25. If all three of you do it, that's another $1800 (3 x 24 x
25). Hopefully others will match it.

Can't possibly resist that.

But Marduk didn't list any real rules, so I am taking liberties and asking you to help me out ahead of time. French insults. The more, the merrier, the nastier, the better.

It's all in good fun and for a good cause. Help me out.

fromage mangeant des singes de reddition!

No, it doesn't have to be in French, it has to be about the French.

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Comments

Wait - okay, I've been out of the loop for a while, but why the Belgians?

They make a great couple of beers, they seem vaguely Canadian...I can't think of anything bad about them apart from the fact that some of them speak French. ???

That's a really cool, generous offer but I'm just wondering is all.

I'm spread rather thin with my pledges but I'll get right on thinking of French insults to get you more cash.

Why are english people so depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is France.

That's ONE insult per hour. I'll be watching and counting. Even from the plane.

And the reason why the Belgians are included is because they are smug sanctimonious bastard pricks who have nothing better to do than bring war crime charges against Jews

Oh marduk, you really are a barrel of laughs, aren't you.

Good luck, michele.... too bad he doesn't have the "all in good fun" part down very well, but I hope he ponies up the amount he's promised.

Cute. Translation: "Cheese eating surrender monkeys." My personal favorite epithet for the French.

Whats the only thing worse than a Frenchman? A French-Canadian. Its like squaring the socialist bent.

The French, they are an interesting race.
They fight with their feet, and fuck with their face.

I just want to know where the Kobe chick's pictures are. Somebody told me they were here. What's up with that, Michele?;)

If they don't have to be original:

http://www.insultmonger.com/national/france.htm

Oui hate frogs.

While visiting France a few years back, me and my dad would chant that walking down the street.

"There is no hell, there is only France!" - Frank Zappa

The late great Douglas Adams wrote that "Belgium" was the greatest insult known to all starfaring peoples ;)

Probably said it 42 times, too!

Stu
Ceci n'est pas une pipe, Babe ;)

Why is the Champs Elysées lined with trees?

So the German Army can march in the shade!

Definition of French Cuisine - A cooking style that employs heavy cheese & wine sauces to hide the flavor or rotting vegtables & rancid horse meat.

Mark Twain did not like the French very much either. There are 17 hours of insults.
greg

Nowadays, I think just being French is insulting enough. Kind of like being an LA Clippers fan.

Linguistic Quibble: In French, as in most Latin-based languages, everything is backwards. The insult should read:

Les singes de reddition qui mangent du fromage.

There's probably a better word for "surrender monkeys", but I don't have my French dictionary handy. I'll work on it.

I figured it out. Cheese-eating surrender monkeys can be roughly translated as:

L'Armee Francaise (sans La Legion Etrangere)

Interestingly, "self-righteous prick" roughly translates into:

Jacques Chirac

What are 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up called?

The Army

Why are teh French cutting down the trees on the Champs d'Elysee?

So the Arabs can march in the sun!

God, in his infinite wisdom, decided not to make the English in the mold of the French.- Churchill (rough paraphrase)

I read somewhere that the biggest insult to the French is reminding them that the Italians taught them how to cook - and the Italians still do it better.

France-bashing is so six months ago.

Can't beat Steve Martin's classic line, "Chapeau means hat. Fromage is cheese. It's like those French have a different word for everything!"

Oh - one other -

Jean-Paul Sarte said Hell is being trapped in a room with your friends. Of course, all his mates were French.

General George Patton said that he'd rather have a division of Germans in front of him than a division of French behind him.

Please - don't mix the Belgains up with the French. How can you condemn a country with at least one brewery per town? And their beer is excellent. Not like the weak as piss studd that passes for Beer in the US.

Ahhh, the French language.

Half the letters are silent, the rest are mis-pronounced.

You're looking for insults about the French or the Belgians or are you looking for french-language insults?
Hmm.. belgians are here said to be paederasts all together since they had some really nasty things going on and through the media the last years.
For any insults in french, why don't you just google USA or America on french google?

Why do the french call their fighter jet the "mirage"? Because its never been seen in a combat.

"I just love the french, they taste like chicken" Hannible Lecter

Thlayli - beg to differ. Frenchie bashing has always been in style, and always will be! As the wise Al Bundy said: "It is GOOD...to hate the French!"

Julie Burchill once wondered whether Jospephine Baker was popular in France as a result of the deep racial arrogance of the French rather than their cultural sophistication. She wrote this perceptive takedown in 1982;

"I am wondering what it is about the French that makes them dote on the Negro as a beautiful freak- I am thinking of Baker, Chocolat, Bricktop, Grace Jones-and I am thinking that perhaps it is their ridiculous pretentions towards being the cradle of culture that gets them so excited about blacks- that they are the direct opposite, the physical Philistine, the Other."

What makes me laugh about France?

#1 : "Maginot Line".

#2 : Type in "french military victories" on Google. You get a null field with the suggestion "Did you mean French military defeats?"

A better translation would be:
"Bande de dégonflés gavés de fromage"
but it looks like something has changed since July 2003... Now I would suggest "pretzel eating war mongers" for you Republican suckers.
By the way, what is this hardcore shit going on in Iraki jails? And the Bush grandpa doing business with the nazis? Gross, ain't it?

C'mon guys! Gimme an answer!
Are you busy counting Sadam's teeth or his WMD?
I suppose you won't admit that this war is a scam for both your allies and fellow citizens?
Of course you are not scared of fundamentalists: you are fundamentalists. But what do you believe Jesus thinks about this war? Countless deaths just to increase oil prices and feed a bunch of depraved Texas tycoons...

Are you... surrendering guy or what?