what the hell was i thinking?
I've been digging through my old writing, dated from high school (not even saying how many years ago that was) until just a few months ago. Boxes upon boxes.
I can't believe how many stories I started and never finished. Could be lack of time or lack of substance, but either way I've got more stories unfinished than completed.
This one in particular has me scratching my head. Where was I going with this and was I drunk when I wrote it? It appears to be about three years old and I don't even remember writing it.
Any ideas what my thought process was here? And what was I thinking?
***************
The lady says to her:
“So, let’s get this profile of yours started. What exactly are you looking for in a man?
“A cape and a sword.
“Come again?”
“A cape and a sword. And he should look good in tights.”
The lady nods her head politely, but her eyes are saying “this one’s out of her fucking mind.”
“Right. Cape. Sword. Tights.” She puckers her lips tightly. “Seems like you’re looking for a superhero.” She chuckles as she says this.
“Yes. I am.”
“Aren’t we all, sweetie? Expect mine would be wearing a silk robe and boxers.”
Anna nods absently.
“Anyhow,” puckered-lip lady continues, “Any specific traits you’re looking for?”
“Some kind of superpower. But not stretching. Been there, done that.”
“Superpower? You mean like breathe underwater or something of the sorts?”
Anna throws back her head and laughs, loud and hearty.
“Has he been by here? You would think after all this time he would just come clean and hit the gay circuit on the internet.”
Lip lady drums her pen on the desk. She puckers again. Anna thinks it could be a nervous habit..
“I’m not sure I’m following you here,” she says. “Are you some kind of reporter for a satire magazine?”
Anna exhales loudly.
“I am,” she says slowly just in case lip lady is not quite the bright light she makes herself out to be. “Looking for a man.”
“Right. Man with cape, sword, tights, and flying ability.”
“Did I say flying? No, I didn’t.”
“So, you’re open to other umm...superpowers?” Her lips get even tighter and they form a small, red-stained “o” and Anna thinks that lip lady looks like a balloon that’s about to pop.
“I’m open to anything that’s not stretching or flying.”
“You’re serious, aren't you.”
“Yes.”
“You know what the odds are, lady?”
“I’m quite aware.”
“Tell you what. Let’s skip over this part for now and get to you.” The lips unpucker and Anna can see red lipstick on the lady’s otherwise gleaming teeth. She says nothing. The lady stifles a yawn and continues.
“Do you have any hobbies?”
“I like scaling walls in my spare time.”
“Mmmhmm.”
“So....you’re an athlete?”
“You could say that.”
“I will.” Lip lady taps, taps, taps the pen. She puckers and unpuckers and Anna thinks of fish.
“Would you prefer an athletic man?”
“If by leaping tall buildings
*******
And it cuts short there. Either I realized this was incredibly stupid or I got distracted by something better.
So. Set it or forget it?
Comments
Hey, if you can find a direction for it to go, I'd finish reading it (and no, I'm not at all sure where you were originally headed with it...)
Posted by: Ferro Lad | July 24, 2003 02:26 PM
Well, I thought it was amusing anyway. ;)
Posted by: Dan | July 24, 2003 02:32 PM
Ha! That's funny shit. I'd read the rest if it were written, too. :)
Posted by: Erica | July 24, 2003 02:39 PM
It's a heck of a lot better start than any of my unfinished stories...
Posted by: Michael | July 24, 2003 02:53 PM
That's like having a thought and a brain fart at the same time. You rack your brain wondering what the hell you were going to say. I think you should use your wiser years to finish it.
I bet it ends up with you having sex with a cartoon character.
Posted by: statia | July 24, 2003 02:59 PM
I get the feeling Anna is looking for someone she knows or has known in the past...probably in the carnal sense.
Posted by: a different Bill | July 24, 2003 03:05 PM
I think it's an excellent response to "What would happen if Wonder Woman went to a dating service?"
Posted by: Tracy | July 24, 2003 03:11 PM
I think it's great - very clever! Now you can't leave us hanging - does she find a date? Does she get set up with whoever her x is?
Posted by: Beth | July 24, 2003 03:15 PM
i think it's cool. think how much the dating pool needs chlorine, and then factor in, you can only date other superheroes. blech!
i thought she was the invisible chick from fantastic four, tho, since she doesn't want a guy with stretch. but i checked, and her name's not anna.
i so don't want arthur to be gay. i love that hook. and he likes redheads. :o)
Posted by: tanya | July 24, 2003 03:29 PM
Piers Anthony mentioned in a foreword or afterword in one of his books that the way he avoids writers' block is to stop writing in the middle of a thought, rather than at the end of a paragraph or a chapter. The idea is that he's able to naturally pick up right where he left off without going through the angst of trying to start a new thought that ties in logically with what preceded it.
It's a pretty handy trick.
Unfortunately, I'd say its only weakness is that he's supposed to pick up writing again within a couple of days.
Three years doesn't work quite as well.
Posted by: Matt | July 24, 2003 03:32 PM
I'm intrigued. And hoping you'll finish it.
Posted by: Keith | July 24, 2003 04:06 PM
i have absolutely no idea where it was going, other than possibly you were in the mood to create yourself a new femail comic book hero (which is a totally legit amibtion), but if you could think of a solid way to end it, i'd say you have a great start. you'd probably make a lot of money off it if it turned out R rated, too.
Posted by: leblanc | July 24, 2003 05:01 PM
or, you could have a contest for your readers to finish it. that could be fun.
Posted by: leblanc | July 24, 2003 05:01 PM
“Superpower? You mean like breathe underwater or something of the sorts?”
Desperately seeking Aquaman?
Posted by: George Junior | July 24, 2003 06:20 PM
Get them finished and enter them in the short story contest on my site. There's $22 in prize money for the winning story.
Posted by: Jeff McCune | July 24, 2003 06:59 PM
Boxes and boxes of unfinished stories. Yeah. I know that feeling. My problem is, my characters/plots/whatever keep going off in tangents -- also I am incredibly lazy.
Posted by: Andrea Harris | July 24, 2003 07:42 PM
Well, you were carrying me along. I'd say finish it, if you can. Who cares where you were going with it before? Remembering that would not necessarily make it any easier.
Hemingway mentioned the same trick as Piers Anthony did.
Posted by: Daniel Day | July 24, 2003 08:07 PM
that is an attractive lead in. it benefits from the lack of a title and an ending.
i think you stopped because you are just a handful of periods from the end, and it is so much more as an unfinished work for your biographers to speculate about..
Posted by: rammer | July 24, 2003 10:39 PM
I think it's kind of a metaphor for the search for a companion in real life. We all start looking for that one person with all the powers (superhero) who can magically make our lives sunshine and roses. We eventually (I hope) mature enough to realize that superheroes are in the body of Everyman (i.e., Peter Parker = Spiderman), you just need to see them at the right time.
I think you should finish it.
Posted by: AimeeC | July 24, 2003 10:53 PM
More, please. I like where it was going, even if I can't explain it.
Posted by: Jon | July 25, 2003 08:39 AM
I liked it, I'd most certainly enjoy reading it to the end. Poor aquaman though, always getting picked on.
Posted by: Curtis | July 25, 2003 11:33 AM
I finish my stories.
I'm just too lazy to write them down.
Posted by: Ken Summers | July 25, 2003 04:49 PM
Hey Curtis,
“Has he been by here? You would think after all this time he would just come clean and hit the gay circuit on the internet.”
Sounds like Aquaman to me.
Posted by: George Junior | July 25, 2003 05:13 PM
Yep.
Posted by: Michele | July 25, 2003 05:18 PM