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Kaiju Haiku

I am a giant spider:

You hang out in dark places, listening to The Smiths, waiting for someone to drop in. For kicks, you sneak up to naive young ladies and jump on their tuffets. Passive-aggressive is the word for it. But you're not just a spineless sucker -- you'll spend days doggedly climbling up that water spout, raindrops be damned.

Yes, I am the goth kid of giant monster movies.

It's no secret that my taste in movies runs towards the low-budget kind. I can thank my mother for this; I was raised on a steady diet of cheesy monster flicks. So imagine my joy when I discovered this website, the proprietors of which will be releasing a PC game called They Came From Hollywood.

You play the game as a customized giant monster that terrorizes and destroys big cities. Also comes with "utterly ridiculous backstory," a must for any monster scenario.

The site is also holding a fantastic poetry contest: Kaiju Haiku (kaiju meaning giant monster). The usual haiku rules apply, but the haiku:

must be about a giant monster movie (or reasonably large monster, heck, any movie that has a decent monster in it...I am not counting the horrifically cute and perky Meg Ryan).

They give a list of monster movies you may want to review on the page. My haikus, so far:


Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird! It's a plane! No...
It's just a damn moth


Once he was so fierce
If only Godzilla knew
Broderick ruined him

Night of the Lepus

Killer rabbits lurk!
Wait - that's Bill in a bunny suit!
great FX, my ass.

Eight Legged Freaks

Almost as bad as
Jeepers Creepers, but not quite
David Arquette sucks.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

Hey, did you ever
See Johnny Depp in Ed Wood?
Then you'd understand.

I'm done. For now.

Your turn (you do not have to stick to the movies listed on the site).


It Conquered the World
Corman almost succeeds here---
BUT: Venus pickle

Oh, I want that game!!

ok, ok, here:
Bad movie! Great bad movie!
more popcorn please...

A great bad movie?
You never saw it! So what?
Haiku license.

I wanna see it.
Bullshit! You don't, you only
like musicals.

Singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain, wha...
damn stupid moth.

A big Hulk movie's
Lack of plot puzzles people
And makes Stan Lee cry

Mothra is so sad
Abbott and Costello died
Before he met them

ok here's a low budget, B-Picture Haiku for ya:

'Zilla and Mothra
could kick the tomatoes ass
if only one time

ok makes no sense, and the tomatoes here were from Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, just so you know, I just couldn't come up with a good haiky for 50's low budget B-Pictures. Dammit.

than's haiku not haiky hehe

I can't see the word "Kaiju" without thinking about this, although I would imagine you already know about it, living on the East Coast and all:

Kaiju Big Battel