choose your own adventure: finish the vegan zombie storyline for me
Iím stuck at this one part of the zombie story. See, there are these straight edge/vegan type undead people. What do vegan zombies eat? I canít imagine that they would be comfortable eating brains and flesh.
Zombie 1: Braaaaaaaains! Breakfast! Braaaaaaaaains!
Vegan Zombie: What?!? We have to eat brains?
Zombie 1: Duh. Weíre the undead. Donít you watch horror movies?
Vegan Zombie: No, horror movies are demeaning.
Zombie. Right. Well, I donít know how you are planning on replenishing your energy, but Iím about to get me some brains. I happen to know there are plenty of living humans hiding over in that school down the block.
Vegan Zombie: I canít....
Zombie: Youíre a zombie, damn it! Act like one!
Vegan Zombie: Please, stop calling me that. I prefer life-challenged.
Zombie. Whatever. Itís your unlife.
Vegan Zombie eyes some wildflowers in a field.
VZ: Iíll eat those.
The group of zombies sheís with all begin to point and laugh at her.
VZ: You laugh at me because Iím different than you. But I am obviously morally superior.
Zombie 2: Zombies donít have morals, you idiot.
Zombie 1: Hey, letís go get those brains while theyíre fresh. Iím starving. Are you coming, miss PETA?
VZ: I should think not. Iíd rather die a million deaths than succumb to the cannibalistic culinary taste of you neanderthals.
Zombie 2: Hey, do zombies eat zombies?
Zombie 1: I donít see why not? I bet she tastes like chicken.
So, where should I take this vegan zombie storyline? At some point she falls in love with a live-human PETA representative. Think of this as a choose your own adventure, where youíre either the vegan zombie or zombie 1 or 2. I promise you part of the royalties when I make this star-studded box office smash, using a hand-held cam and action figures.