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dire warning of the day

A two word message to anyone who has a daughter that has yet to approach the teenage years:


Send her when she approaches eleven. Take her back at eighteen, just in time to send her away to college.

Either that, or I suggest earplugs and vodka.


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» This is why I had my daughters vicariously from The People's Republic of Seabrook
And now, some motherly advice from Michele. It sounds like good advice, no??: A two word message to anyone who has a daughter that has yet to approach the teenage years: BOARDING SCHOOL. Send her when she approaches eleven. Take her back at eighteen, ... [Read More]


Eighteen? I thought thirty-six...of course, mine was male.

When my sister was living with her, my mother used to call up Grandma a lot and apologizing for everything she did as a kid.

I wish I'd listened when mine was 11. She's nearly 15 now and I am beyond earplugs, though the vodka helps occasionally.

Going along with what Alex's comment, I can't remember who said it: "Grandchildren are the best revenge"

I personally preferred amaretto myself. And memories of the little red-haired girl was the only thing that kept my middle daughter alive.

And yes, grandchildren are the best revenge. You tell them every rotten thing their mother did, fill them up with sugar, give them noisy toys (electronic beeps and music is the best) and send them home.

/sarcasm (some of it)

Imperial Keeper

when my daughter (now 20) was 11 or so, I started mentioning the convent as a suitable place to park her for the next 5-10 years. She was never quite impressed with the seriousness of the proposal.
I knew well in advance that the convent might be in her future when, in a mcdonalds when she was about 5 years old, she calmly turned around to the table of young teen boys behind us and in a rather disconcertingly flirtatious way (where the hell did she learn that?) she said..."Hey Duuuudes!..."

I am past Vodka already and she is just entering High School this year. Thankfully I have several bottles of Jack Daniels stocked up.

You want something stronger to mask the taste of earplugs... say, tequila. : )

What am I doing wrong? Our 19-year-old scowled now and then, but she was almost never the asshat I remember being when I was a teenager. My brother was worse. Our 13-year-old sister looks to be about the same, perhaps a little more smart-ass, but manageable. I blame my wife.

Hmmm. Sort of sounds like Heinlein's "Bunghole Theory of Raising Children." That is, put them in a barrel, feed them through the bunghole, and when they're sixteen, drive home the bung.

I did the next best thing to boarding school when she was 11......I said ok when she wanted to go live with Daddy!!

Feed them through the BUNGHOLE?!?! Umm, I'm not sure how well that would work, though it does remind me of a Dilbert strip that shows a mother holding a baby the wrong way round (its legs and ass are hanging out of the top of the blanket) and her husband says, "which end do we put the cheese steak in?"

(yes, yes, I know - spare me the Dictionary.com links _ )

Nothing, Daniel. My oldest daughter is a good kid, now studying to be a nurse. Never any problems with her as a teenager.

My middle daughter, however, was Satan's mastermind (she's better than he would ever be), who made absolutely moronic decisions up until 2 years ago (her last stunt was running off to another state with now husband #2 leaving husband #1 behind, at the age of 24). She only grew up when her son was born, 15 weeks premature and weighing 2 pounds. A heck of a wake-up call, but it seems to have worked at last.

Third daughter is a good kid, as well. What did I do right or wrong? Nothing. Three totally different people with totally different personalities. Nature or nuture, my butt. It's up to the kid. We can only show them the way; they have to make up their minds to follow it.

Imperial Keeper

I warned you about clear liquor!