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poetry (toe) jam

The pile of work on my desk doesn't seem to be getting any smaller, but today's archives are sure getting longer. [And Leon's getting LARGER!]

I just wanted to let you know that there are now about eight pages of poems by guys named Freemont who wrote stanzas about dogs eating mother's toes.

Just go here and do a search for first nameFreemont.

The Led Zeppelin poems are hilarious. I just wish I knew who was really each Freemont.


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Freemont Tiberius Victrola-Firecracker, at your service...

I bear no hated or death threats. I just wanted to say that I always appreciate an Airplane! reference. :)

Also, for those of us who can't follow instructions, search on last name "Freemont" as well.

Speaking of instructions, poetry.com has some pretty stringent rules. The rules are so strict, in fact, that my latest dog toe poem was too long. Denied! Thankfully, there are no such rules here at A Small Victory. So, without further ado:

Foul Play Is Afoot
by Freemont Xavier Mongrove

An autopsy today revealed something that almost no one knows
Apparently, the coroner says, the dog ate mother's toes.

Loss of blood was the cause of death, from gaping wounds on mother's feet.
All because our beloved spaniel thought her toes were doggy treats.

All ten digits were gnawed away, and her corns were gone as well
There really isn't much more to say. What more is there to tell?

Why, oh why, did our dog do this thing? Why did mother have to die?
We'll have to put our dog down now because, well, you know, eye for an eye.

As our dog is laid to rest, we'll pet him, and we'll weep,
To soften his journey into that eternal doggy sleep.

And perhaps he'll meet our mother there, and her feet will be intact.
There will be no signs whatsoever that her toes had been attacked.

Mother and dog will dance and play through Heaven's golden gates
And the dog will eat only the best Purina on golden doggy plates.

From this happy dream I just awoke, and then my blood just froze
Because I think it's truly chilling that the dog ate mother's toes.

strange, when I use that Airplane! reference, no one knows what the eff I'm talking about.

To paraphase the words of a that great thinker, Dr. Peter Venkman: "Ryan has gone bye-bye". Please, Ryan for the sake of your family and friends that love you, STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD. (Trust me, it only gets worse, funny?, scarier? at his blog site)

JFH, you vissssited my Preciousssss?

Aw, heck. One more.

Dog. Interrupted.
by Freemont Galveston Montreax

I came across a ghastly scene
Now emblazoned in my mind
A scene so nasty and so mean
There is nothing of its kind.

Bo, my dog, my faithful friend
A companion through the years
Went way way off the deeper end
Went crazy between his floppy ears

In the kitchen the deed was done
This tale I tremble to relate
My mother's toes, they numbered none
I had arrived too late.

The attack was swift, because Bo is quick
He moves as fast as lightning goes
And though it may make readers sick
The dog had eaten mother's toes.

I startled Bo, as he dined,
gnashing away at toes four and five
He growled at me, but ran away
Old Bo had lost his mind.

Mother limps now, with a cane
And I never found old Bo.
He's out there, somewhere; a dog insane
With a taste for human toe.

maternal woes
the blood flows
my anger grows
the podiatrist knows
the dog ate mother's toes

Freemont HR Puffinstuff

There's a SALE at PENNEY'S!


"I thought the world was full of woe
But then the dogs ate mama's toes
I killed the dogs and ate their meat
Along with the rest of Mama's feet."

You asked for this one because you've been ignoring me.

Damn, I never wrote a poem before!

Freemont Q. MonkeyPants

I'm Freemont Elkfoot.

We weren't supposed to try and write good poems, were we?

"Johnny, what can you make of this?"

"I can make a hat, a broach, a pterodactyl!"

I am Freemont Ulysses Kraven.
My poem, Thinking of You, has a special acrostic message for those wonderful people at Poetry.com. Bastages!

I am several Freemonts:
Freemont A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Aardvarkian:
'The Aardvarkians Must Be Allowed to Shine'
Freemont E. S. Constipate:
Freemont A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Flobadob:
Freemont Freemontie Freemontgomery:
'Beloved Toes'