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i shall win the poetry contest

I've got another Toe Poem.

UPDATE: Hello? Do you see the author's name there? This is a joke, an attempt to joine a meme, a farce! Stop yelling at me for writing such drivel. As if.

Oh, and I'll never know if they choose my poem because I gave my home address as that of the Green Party of New York headquarters.

Dogging The Earth

By Free(mont) Mumia

President Bush is a dog
munching on mother earth
Rumsfeld is a hungry wolf
eating earthís afterbirth

My mother (the earth) is dying
amid wars begat of oil
My mother (the earth) is dying
I no longer want to toil

The hegemony of America
Imperialist mother (earth) fuckers
are part of an ugly trend
like big-hatted trendy truckers

My mother (the earth) is injured
She limps along as she goes
It will never be the same again
For the dog ate my motherís toes

I feel dirty now.

By the way, you can't link directly to poems, so you just have to do a search for the "author's" name.

I have work to do. Curse you, Dave Barry!


Your velvet words of purple tint
In France they would be famous
Like all that belly button lint
From Kierkegaard and Camus.

Then there's the ``she said with a sigh'' Limerick genre

I went to my mom as she lay
And asked how she's feeling today
She said with a sigh,
I am sick I must die
Timor mortis conturbat me.

wipes tears from eyes

That. Was. Beautiful.

Im so beating you in this contest. My poem is AWESOME.

I bought a brand new baseball bat
At the local Wal-Mart store
Then I crushed your stupid tinfoil hat
You bat-shit crazy tree-hug whore.

The earth, it spins, it does not limp
I offer this for what it's worth
And also, you French sucking peace-nik wimp
The earth does not HAVE an afterbirth

For you, everything's a conspiracy
A vast covert right-wing agenda
To you Bush stole the presidency
Via a Supreme Court referenda

Get over it, I say to you
And quit your fucking whining
The Democrats are black and blue
Their influence is declining

To beat the dog now known as Bush
Requires more than a shitty poem
For example, the economy could use a push
And security sucks a bit at home.

So take your pathetic poetry
And throw it out the door
Your best bet right now is Hillary
Need I say much more?

Whoops. I just read the backstory and context for the whole poetry contest thingee. Now I feel all stupid and shit. looking sheepishly at toes

Ryan gets an A for effort though:)

Okay. Redemption. I submitted a poem.

Dog Day Afternoon
by Freemont Freemonton Freemontery

All dogs, they say, will have their day
They'll get their day in court
But Rex, I think, will have to pay
And his life may be cut short

He looks at me with mournful eyes
And I know he's deeply sorry
His tail is tucked between his thighs
Like an arm of calimari

I can't forgive Rex for what he's done
And this, I think, Rex knows
Though I'm sure he thought it was quite fun
When the dog ate my mother's toes.

I may have to ban Ryan's IP. He is consistently funnier than me.

and he gets bonus points for rhyming calamari.

President Bush ainít a dog,
Sentient being ainít our ďmotherĒ earth.
That Rumsfeld and he are a clog
Have the knowing convulsing in mirth.
Our planet (the earth) keeps improving,
Amid wars begat of dictators.
Our planet (the earth) keeps improving,
We toil, but our income is greater.

The hegemony of America,
Despite what you hear from those fuckers,
Is part of a planet-wide trend,
Thatís chosen by those who ainít suckers.

But Greenie dogs killed off the power;
All the rooms at my momís place froze.
Amputation makes anyone glower;
ĎTwas the dog ate my motherís toes.

I have work to do. Curse you, Michele (one L)!

I bought a dog that's fond of shoes
their soles and fragrant leather;
It chewed up all my crimson heels
and I still can't decide whether
to take it to my inlaw's house,
where mom wears panty hose-
I think I might, with just some luck
convince the dog to eat Mom's toes.