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dude, where's my milf?

All the tongues are wagging about Demi and Ashton. I mean, even ESPN had to throw it in there. Oh, my! Demi is dating a younger man!

But where's the outrage? Where's the ridicule? Where's the accusations of being a cradle robber or out of her mind?

There are none, and you want to know why? Because I am a trendsetter. I have paved the way for older women who date younger men and everyone took their digust out on me until they got used to the idea, and now Demi doesn't have to worry about looks of disapproval because I have cleared the path for her.

Well, not really. But you get the idea.

While Demi gets all the "you go, girl!" applause, I got awkward conversation and stony silence when I announced I was dating a much younger man. Like Demi, I was divorced with children when I met Justin. Unlike Demi, I am not a Hollywood star with a major motion picture in the theaters and a finely sculpted body and an ex-husband who still kicks ass at the box office.

There are clearly double standards at work here: 1) If you are rich and famous and most of all an actress with a fine set of boobs, you can do whatever the hell you want and people will cheer it and write about it as if you invented dating a younger guy, and 2) No one even blink an eye or writes a word about it when a grey haired old geezer dates a young bunny.

That's not the point, though. The point is, I do not want Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner to be the standard bearers of Older Woman/Younger Men (OWYM) relationships. I do not want everyone to point to that plastic couple when I mention that I my marriage is a OWYM union and say, Oh, just like Demi and Ashton, how cute!

Demi has never been one of my favorite actresses. Sure, I loved her as Jackie on General Hospital. That deep, raspy voice was addicting. And then she embarked on a movie career that included - come on now, who remembers this movie - Parasite in 3D! I saw this movie in the theater. I paid money so I could see Jackie Templeton grace the big screen and wow, was I disappointed. I mean, my standards weren't set too high as I knew her acting ability was probably limited to playing a brazen hussy with a deep voice, but still. This was bottom-of-the-barrell type acting, writing and directing. Sure, I shouldn't have expected much from a title like Parasite in 3D. That is probably when I learned to lower my expectations in life.

Then there's Ashton, whose shaggy locks are probably a big middle finger to Bruce's shining head. Sure, he's a star, he's rich, he's got two hit tv shows and a sequel (tentativley titled Dude, Where's My Dignity?) coming out soon. But I can't see him as anything more than a surfer punk with a gold card.
Couldn't those of us in OWYM relationships have a better spokescouple? Come on Tobey, find yourself a older woman to run around with.

Just remember this, naysayers to my marriage. When you are dissing me, you are dissing Hollywood's new star couple. You wouldn't want to be accused of that, would you?

It's obvious what I have to do here if I want people to stop scoffing at my OWYM marriage. I need a few million dollars, a boob job, some liposuction and a starring role in a cheesy movie. Justin already has the shaggy locks.

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Comments

I think it's great when an older woman can get a young hotty...lol I personally think the whole demi/ashton thing is a ploy but if it isn't, good for her. 25 is a fine age and still trainable...lmao

Well, local radio personalities here in flyover country are giving Demi and Ashton plenty of crap about this. Maybe it's just the East Coast media that is giving them a pass on this...

All I have to say is, at least your husband didn't have a poster of you up in his room when he was a pre-teen (I'm assuming here).

And then there's Demi's new movie "Dude, Where's My Scar?"

I'm one of those younger guys married to an older woman and I like it just fine!

Of course, she's only 9 months older than me...

Cradle robber!

I must be out of touch with the latest expressions - MILF? M is for mature? matron?

And as one person who is very happily married to a woman 20 years older than I, all I can say to those who condemn such relationships is: DILLIGAF.

(DILLIGAF = Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck)

Anyone recall the movie "Harold and Maude", from the mid 70's I think?

actually, as i learned on the craig kilborn show (how rare is it to learn ANYTHING on that show?), ashton dropped out of the university of iowa to pursue modeling...which fits into your stupid surfer boy mold until you realize he was studying BIOCHEMICAL ENGINEERING. which i have trouble spelling, let alone studying.

now i'm not saying he's not a jackass, but unless he took up biochem engineering as a larf...he can probably keep up with demi, who didn't even know that you only object once to get it on record. i mean for pete's sake, she had the JUDGE saying the doctor was an expert!

Ugh. Tobey Maguire? The man with one facial expression, "Bemused Indifference"?

you're internet-famous with a great rack. i can't help with the rich part, unfortunately, but two outta three ain't bad.

i was stunned at justin's age when you told me, right before you two got married, because you didn't seem like "the type." most guys his age are annoyingly insecure and immature (which is not the same as juvenile), and i couldn't imagine you tolerating that. i think of it as much more of a tribute to his personality that he caught you, rather than the reverse. he must be awesome.

Amen Michele! My first true love was a woman 10 years older than me when I was 21. I'm dating an older woman now. Forget forever the naysayers. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. (I can't believe I just quoted that asshat Sheryl Crow's song...)

This is all publicity to pump up her image right now (Charlies Angels is sucking worse than a Hoover).

EVERYTHING a Hollywood type does in front of any camera is part of image building.

No more no less.

Real people don't live in front of the cameras and don't need to date young hotties that get people talking about themselves during a lull in their popularity or while their current project sucks ass.

Its really disgusting how contrived they all act (J-Lo/Ben, Tm/Nicole and their "kids", Bill/Hillary and their "marriage").

Find me a nice, sexy and most of all sane older woman, and I'll represent. I may not have box office draw yet, but I'm a good start.

OK, I'm not referring to the person by name, since you have history, but... a certain female currently in a bad reality show caused at least my eyebrows to raise when she married someone significantly older than herself. I was never a fan of her then, and I really am not one now.

wait, are we quoting bad but on-topic songs? i burned this on a cd for my road trip, and i've had it stuck in my head for three days:

it was the third of june
on that younger day
well i became a man
at the hands of a girl
almost twice my age

you're welcome.

I'm just glad to hear you're a GH fan, Michele.

And can someone please tell me what MILF is too? I googled it at work and realized it was a no-no!

Tanya,

That song seems very similar to "Summer, The First Time" back from the early 70's - was it Glenn Campbell or Bobby Goldsborough?

"The Boy took her hand, as we lay on the sand, but I saw the sun rise as a man"

As a young, horny teenager living next to the beach, that had a profound affect on me.

MILF: Mother I'd Like to French kiss. (I'm tryin to keep it clean here.)

The funniest joke I've heard about this was from Letterman. He was talking about the guy who was in a coma for 19 years. "So he missed out on those 19 years, he's like a 19 year old in a 40 year old's body. Sort of like Ashton Kutchner."

Hm. I'm starting to think I'm looking in the wrong age group....

New personal ad? "Single Jewish older woman looking for hot young stud. Must have a mature mind."

Hehehehe.

ah, yes.. i've always been happy with my younger men... from the 17 year old i dated when i was 21 to the 26 year old i married when i was 31. Nothing beats waking up next to a Tender Young Morsel. mMmmM

So where were you older women when I was young?

Mother I Like to Fuck??? Say it isn't so? I don't think I my lovely older wife as "Mother". The world is a more twisted place that I thought.

Well, a good friend of mine (married to a woman several years younger than himself) always says, "you're only as old as the woman you feel". Yeah, he probably stole the line from some comic, but in any case, I see no reason why this can't be reversed as "you're only as old as the man you feel", if need be.

All due respects to Demi, but Liz Phair is my top choice MILF, and also a chick I'd switch teams for.

As a younger man approaching his 17th anniversary, I'm quite happy.

must be a MOTHER complex!