dude, where's my milf?
But where's the outrage? Where's the ridicule? Where's the accusations of being a cradle robber or out of her mind?
There are none, and you want to know why? Because I am a trendsetter. I have paved the way for older women who date younger men and everyone took their digust out on me until they got used to the idea, and now Demi doesn't have to worry about looks of disapproval because I have cleared the path for her.
Well, not really. But you get the idea.
While Demi gets all the "you go, girl!" applause, I got awkward conversation and stony silence when I announced I was dating a much younger man. Like Demi, I was divorced with children when I met Justin. Unlike Demi, I am not a Hollywood star with a major motion picture in the theaters and a finely sculpted body and an ex-husband who still kicks ass at the box office.
There are clearly double standards at work here: 1) If you are rich and famous and most of all an actress with a fine set of boobs, you can do whatever the hell you want and people will cheer it and write about it as if you invented dating a younger guy, and 2) No one even blink an eye or writes a word about it when a grey haired old geezer dates a young bunny.
That's not the point, though. The point is, I do not want Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner to be the standard bearers of Older Woman/Younger Men (OWYM) relationships. I do not want everyone to point to that plastic couple when I mention that I my marriage is a OWYM union and say, Oh, just like Demi and Ashton, how cute!
Demi has never been one of my favorite actresses. Sure, I loved her as Jackie on General Hospital. That deep, raspy voice was addicting. And then she embarked on a movie career that included - come on now, who remembers this movie - Parasite in 3D! I saw this movie in the theater. I paid money so I could see Jackie Templeton grace the big screen and wow, was I disappointed. I mean, my standards weren't set too high as I knew her acting ability was probably limited to playing a brazen hussy with a deep voice, but still. This was bottom-of-the-barrell type acting, writing and directing. Sure, I shouldn't have expected much from a title like Parasite in 3D. That is probably when I learned to lower my expectations in life.
Then there's Ashton, whose shaggy locks are probably a big middle finger to Bruce's shining head. Sure, he's a star, he's rich, he's got two hit tv shows and a sequel (tentativley titled Dude, Where's My Dignity?) coming out soon. But I can't see him as anything more than a surfer punk with a gold card.
Couldn't those of us in OWYM relationships have a better spokescouple? Come on Tobey, find yourself a older woman to run around with.
Just remember this, naysayers to my marriage. When you are dissing me, you are dissing Hollywood's new star couple. You wouldn't want to be accused of that, would you?
It's obvious what I have to do here if I want people to stop scoffing at my OWYM marriage. I need a few million dollars, a boob job, some liposuction and a starring role in a cheesy movie. Justin already has the shaggy locks.