soysage man to the rescue!
The sausage story just won't die. And everyone knew it would be just a matter of time before PETA became involved.
They once before wrote a letter to the Brewers requesting that a vegan "soysage" be added to the sausage race.
"Violence is violence, whether it’s toward ‘sausages’ or living animals," says PETA’s Sports Campaign coordinator, Dan Shannon. "Putting a veggie dog in the Sausage Race would help stop the violence and make animals ‘safe’ in the baseball world."
That was then. This is now. Now they have penned another letter to the Brewers, regarding the Saugage Beating Incident.
By rejecting the castration, dehorning, debeaking, wing-breaking, and throat-slitting that are part and parcel of the meat industry, you can send a powerful message that violence will not be tolerated in baseball—on the field or in the slaughterhouse.
Perhaps Randall Simon was simply expressing his frustration at the fact that the vegetarian hot dog was not allowed to compete. By allowing the peaceful "soysage" in the race, you could possibly avoid future player-meat confrontations.
I kid you not. This is real. Go look.
Nevermind the connotations of a player-meat confrontation. Don't even want to go there.
I say this whole idea is an affront to Soybeans everywhere, anyhow.
Honestly, I have no idea what to do with these people anymore. I have run out of snarky comments and sarcastic quips for PETA. They are just out of their fucking minds.
I wish I had seen this sooner, then I would have known that PETA was staging a protest not too far from my home today. I would have picked up a couple of hunks of salami and drove down there, where I would have my kids throw the salami out of the car window and at the protesters, screaming IF MEAT IS MURDER THAN MURDER SURE TASTES GOOD WITH MUSTARD!
Or maybe I just would have given them the finger and silently wished I was braver.