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wrestlemania: backyard edition

I watch the public access channels once in a while. It frightens me to see what my Long Island brethen are up to. But I say if you know your enemy, that makes him less dangerous. On public access my enemies are the little old lady with the flowered hat who has sued every municipality between Queens and Montauk, the cover band that uses 70's-era special effects and the backyard wrestling crew.

Surely you've heard of backyard wresting (not to be confused with Backyard Baseball)? It first came to light for me in May 2002 when a mother was angered that the town was going to make her take down her son's wrestling ring.

We're not talking high school wrestling here, with full and half nelsons and homoerotic grabbing of crotches. We're talking WWF style wrestling. Pile drivers and such. It wasn't so much the thuds and crashes that bothered the neighbors of the Minutillos of Babylon, Long Island. It wasn't even the applause and screams and shouts. Well, maybe it was a combination of both. But when you mutliply that by the sound system and add in the P.A. annoucements, the play-by-play, the electronically amplified obscenities and the hard rock entrance songs each wrestler was introduced to, well, you can see how the neighbors might have been a bit perturbed.

Me, I would have lit the damn thing on fire one night. Maybe even while there was a match going on. Minutillo was lucky that her neighbors aren't as mean-spirited as I. They went the legal route and tried to get the town to force Minutillo to take down the ring.

[A] neighbor, Patricia Rodriguez, comments, "All we hear is cursing and boom, bam, boom. Where's the quality of our life?"

A peeved Rodriguez videotaped some of the wrestling action, which in Gootman's account included "bash[ing]…with a folding chair," "crashing into wooden boards," and an "assault…with a metal garbage can." Rodriguez delivered the tape to the local government and the Babylon town board unanimously outlawed wrestling rings and boxing rings in residential areas.

Which, of course, made them dictators.

Ryan Perry, 18, told The New York Times: "The Taliban, they banned sports in the country of Afghanistan. If you want to ban this, you're similar to the Taliban regime."

Ah yes, moral relativism rears its ugly head again. According to Perry, if the town council wants to keep people from turning the neighborhood into an Extreme Wrestling venue, they must be facists!

I'm all for protecting the privacy of what you do in your own yard. However, when what you are doing infringes on your neighbor's right to a peaceful dinner or their right to not have to hear Metallica as background music to the cacaphony of folding chairs slamming over the backs of teenagers, a line has to be drawn.

Of course, this mother thinks she's doing a good thing for her kid. She's keeping him off the street, she's giving him a hobby, she's giving him a safe environment ot play. Now, keep in mind that these "kids" are all 17-20 years old. And they don't just wrestle. They dress up. They have capes and tights and glitter and ridiculous nicknames. They do interviews and talk in that Randy "Macho Man" Savage voice. It's like Dungeons and Dragons on testosterone.

Soon, poor Mrs. Rodriguez and her neighbors will be serenaded once again by the sounds of emotionally stunted boys beating the crap out of each other with props.

Neighbors thought the spat about Marie Minutillo's backyard wrestling ring ended after the Babylon Town Council unanimously voted in May 2002 to outlaw wrestling rings in residential neighborhoods.

But District Judge Patrick J. Barton ruled last week that the Town of Babylon's ban on wrestling rings does not apply to Minutillo's since hers existed before May 7, 2002.

It will be the bigger, louder, more abrasive version of the wrestling league John Minutillo formed. Instead of the old 16x16 ring, they've got a 20x20 ring ready to go.

I don't mean to trample on anyone's right to have a hobby or perform maniacal skits in tights in their backyard, but if these were my neighbors I'd be loading up the pellet gun.


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Comments

Surely this nonsense violates noise bylaws and the like? Absolutely ridiculous...

According to Mr. Perry (who doesn't have a house of his own, I'd assume, unless he could afford it on a trust fund or some such), if you ban acts that disturb the peace, you're a terrorist!

crickets

Let's have all these "Amerikka" critics visit N Korea for 2 days, and live in one of their homes, and then come back to tell us how bad the US is. If they can still do so, put them back into the Psych ward.

Michele, you hit the nail on the head with the comment "it's D & D on testosterone." If I were the neighbors of these future McDonald's fry cooks I would blare Barry Manilow as loud as possible everytime there was a match. (My apologies to any fry cooks who were offended in the making of this comment).

if it weren't for the noise pollution... well, it's just too bad that they couldn't keep the wrestling ring so that Darwin could sort a few of 'em out...

Hey, I'm hoping to be promoted to fry cook in the next couple of months and I'm deeply offended by JohnO's remarks.

I don't care whether he apologised or not, I'm going to find out where he lives and take all my wrestling friends round there with me so we can hit each other over the head with garden furniture and show him what he's missing out on.

Gareth, you forgot to end your statement with a hearty Macho Man "Ooooh YEEEEAAAH!"

Call Trogdor. He'll burninate them!

I'd find the sleaziest nastiest biker bar within a 200 mile radius and pay the biggest guys I could find there $500 a piece to crash the wrestling matches and permanentally cripple these morons with bats, chains, and broken bottles.

What was it that Rodney King said?

My backyard isn't big enough for a 16 × 16 ring, and neither is my neighbors. We've raised the fence from 6 to 8 feet (good fences make good neighbors)

But somehow the crack of an aluminum bat as I'm trying to get an early start on a good night's sleep on a late summer's eve is invaribly followed by a tight spot between my shoulderblades as I wait for the sound of tinkling glass.

What ever winds your clock probably sets the timer on my bomb.

Why can't those the noisy kids of those assholes next door grow up like my kids did!!

I think I'll have a pool party on the hotest day of the year and not invite them! and we won't stop splashing around and laughing until 2 am.

Pellet gun, my hairy fat ass. Shotgun shells loaded with rock salt is damn near untraceable. Just dispose of the shell loading evidence (and hide the damn gun, mmkay? preferably in another state) and you're golden.

Better yet, get a copy of "Getting Even" from Paladin Press and use every trick in the book.

In. Alphabetical. Order.

Twice.

That'll learn the little shits.

Seems that young Mr. Perry hasn't learned that moral relativism is a liberal thing and he shouldn't do it when he's complaining about gubmint regulation.

Remember back in the days when people had the decency to respect their neighbors? Man I miss those days.

My downstairs neighbor has 2 loud as hell kids in elementary school who scream and shout and run as loud as they can up and down the stairs.

He had the nerve to complain about the noise my 2 cats (who weigh less than 10 lbs. each) make when they run across our floor. He made the complaint to my fiancée, not to me. I wish he had the nerve to complain to me.

I HATE TO BE A VOICE OF REASON IN THIS WITCH HUNT, BUT IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THE ISSUE IS COMMON COURTESY, NOT A FREAKING RING.

I used to wrestle on a trampoleen when I was a kid. (even had ropes and ring post around it)
No one ever complained.
Why? Me and the other kids didn't use amps. We almost never used foul langue. When we did play entrance music it was at a reasonable noise level and we usually did it before our parents and neighbors got home.

If people could just sit down a talk reasonably instead of assuming the worst I'm sure they could find a good compromise. Instead you all sneer,"Those hudlem wrestler wanna be's. Who dare those kids be allowed to dream and play?"...Hey maybe you wanted to be an Astronut or a cowboy or a famous athlete when you were a teen, but that's really not so different from these kids now.

Here's an idea, make a petition to set up a ring in a public place like a local park, gym, or the YMCA. This way the kids could have their fun and the neighbors could have their peace and quite.

Thanks for you're time.
Ryan Blade (slamdancekid@yahoo.com)

ALL YOU MOTHER FU@KERS ARE GONNA PAY. YOU ARE THE ONE'S WHO ARE THE BALL LICKERS.
WE'RE GOING TO LONG ISLAND TO STOP THOSE BITCHY NEIGHBOR FUCKS FROM BANNING WRESTLING. WE'RE GONNA MAKE THEM EAT OUR SHIT, THEN SHIT OUT THERE SHIT, THEN EAT THEIR SHIT; WHICH IS MADE OF OUR SHIT THAT WE MADE THEM EAT.
THEN WE'RE COMING FOR ALL OF YOU.

LOVE JAY AND SILENT BOB

How Dare d'em young hudlems set up a wrestling ring. They ought be shot or lynched. Let's go get our clan robes and burn the ring. Then we'll go torch some crosses. And if you protest my angry overly conserative, narrow minded approach to this then you're un-american.

This is simply a case of conducting business in a residential area. The fact that it is wrestling makes it no better or worse.

The homeowner's right to quiet is greater than the right of any non-residential use to make noise.

My advice is that they move the wrestling to a legitimate arena, where i wish then the best of success.

I love "JAY AND SILENT BOB's" especially fiery reply, spoken like a true pro wrestler. Also a good example of a selfish noise-lover.

If your neighbor has a basketball goal in his driveway, your going to hear a ball being dribbled from time to time.
If they have a ring your going to hear people getting body-slammed from time to time.
Acceptin that is just the price you pay for living in a neighborhood.
What is not acceptable is when people playing under that basket play loud music, and use heavy profanity. The same is true for the ring.
There doesn't need to be a ban on the ring. There already are laws against disturbing the peace.
Just start calling that in. A few hefty fines and I'm sure Mrs.Munotillo will put a stop to it with or without the ring.

If your neighbor has a basketball goal in his driveway, your going to hear a ball being dribbled from time to time.
If they have a ring your going to hear people getting body-slammed from time to time.
Acceptin that is just the price you pay for living in a neighborhood.
What is not acceptable is when people playing under that basket play loud music, and use heavy profanity. The same is true for the ring.
There doesn't need to be a ban on the ring. There already are laws against disturbing the peace.
Just start calling that in. A few hefty fines and I'm sure Mrs.Munotillo will put a stop to it with or without the ring.

Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...Mother Fuck....Mother Fuck...Nionge...Nionge...Nionge