i smite you with my bloated ego!
[As seen at Treacher's]
Nope, none of the above. It's filmmaker Vincent Gallo and boy is he pissed.
You tell that hamhock Roger Ebert he could lose 30 pounds a day for the next four years and still be fat. As for the curse on his colon, what I actually said was that I put an unremovable black magic curse on his prostate, which will enlarge into a large cancerous ball by the fall. . . . I want to challenge that fat cow to an IQ test. I bet him $1 million dollars to take a public IQ test against me. By the way, tell him I also put a curse on Siskel.
So, what did Ebert to to deserve such wrath? Did he put Gallo's puppy in a blender? Did he steal Gallo's girlfriend? Kick his mother?
No, Ebert just gave him a bad review for his movie "The Brown Bunny," which Gallo wrote, produced edited and directed and starred in and which is getting a serious round of boos from critics worldwide. Gallo also served as director of photography, production designer, and camera operator for the movie. Apparently no one wanted to help him out with this thing. Or maybe it was the stench coming from his unwashed face and hair that kept the help at bay.
Anyhow, Eberts review said that Brown Bunny "was the worst movie in the history of the Cannes Film Festival." It's obvious from reading about this fiasco that Ebert was hardly alone in his thoughts. In fact, I could not find even one review where the words could be twisted around enough by a PR flack to make it sound like the critic might have liked a few seconds of it.
That the movie has Chloe Sevigny actually going down on Vince during the film seems to be the only interesting moment anyone who has seen the movie can attest to.
So, what's with the wrath directed at Ebert? Has Gallo put a pox on the health of every critic who called Brown Bunny empty, vapid, an ego-trip, horrible or a disaster? Or does he just have it in for Roger?
And Ebert's answer to Gallo?
I am not too worried. I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than "The Brown Bunny."
Ebert also said "I wish Mr. Gallo a speedy recovery."
Well, that's mighty admirable of you, Mr. Ebert. But I, for one, wish that Mr. Gallo's dick would fall off. Preferably while it's in some startlet's mouth.