i smite you with my bloated ego!
You tell that hamhock Roger Ebert he could lose 30 pounds a day for the next four years and still be fat. As for the curse on his colon, what I actually said was that I put an unremovable black magic curse on his prostate, which will enlarge into a large cancerous ball by the fall. . . . I want to challenge that fat cow to an IQ test. I bet him $1 million dollars to take a public IQ test against me. By the way, tell him I also put a curse on Siskel.
So, what did Ebert to to deserve such wrath? Did he put Gallo's puppy in a blender? Did he steal Gallo's girlfriend? Kick his mother?
No, Ebert just gave him a bad review for his movie "The Brown Bunny," which Gallo wrote, produced edited and directed and starred in and which is getting a serious round of boos from critics worldwide. Gallo also served as director of photography, production designer, and camera operator for the movie. Apparently no one wanted to help him out with this thing. Or maybe it was the stench coming from his unwashed face and hair that kept the help at bay.
Anyhow, Eberts review said that Brown Bunny "was the worst movie in the history of the Cannes Film Festival." It's obvious from reading about this fiasco that Ebert was hardly alone in his thoughts. In fact, I could not find even one review where the words could be twisted around enough by a PR flack to make it sound like the critic might have liked a few seconds of it.
That the movie has Chloe Sevigny actually going down on Vince during the film seems to be the only interesting moment anyone who has seen the movie can attest to.
So, what's with the wrath directed at Ebert? Has Gallo put a pox on the health of every critic who called Brown Bunny empty, vapid, an ego-trip, horrible or a disaster? Or does he just have it in for Roger?
And Ebert's answer to Gallo?
I am not too worried. I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than "The Brown Bunny."
Ebert also said "I wish Mr. Gallo a speedy recovery."
Well, that's mighty admirable of you, Mr. Ebert. But I, for one, wish that Mr. Gallo's dick would fall off. Preferably while it's in some startlet's mouth.
Comments
Odd that he is so hateful to reviewers. I found this quote in the latest issue of Newsweek:
"I must assure you it was never my intention to make a pretentious film, a self-indulgent film, a useless film, an unengaging film." Film director Vincent Gallo, admitting that his latest work, "The Brown Bunny," is a "disaster and a waste of time."
Posted by: AimeeC | June 4, 2003 06:31 PM
Somebody is just a little passive-aggressive, I see.
Posted by: michele | June 4, 2003 06:36 PM
So the guy trashes his own movie, then attacks one reviewer out of the hordes of reviewers who have all apparently agreed that the movie is indeed a horrible waste of celluloid.
Old Vince isn't passive-aggressive - he's just plain nuts!
Posted by: MikeR | June 4, 2003 07:38 PM
Two snorts in one post!
I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than "The Brown Bunny."
Heh.
and
I, for one, wish that Mr. Gallo's dick would fall off. Preferably while it's in some startlet's mouth.
You really have it in for starlet's don't you?
That would be a scaring experience, you know?
Posted by: Joshua Scholar | June 4, 2003 07:44 PM
Or is it spelled scarring?
Posted by: Joshua Scholar | June 4, 2003 07:45 PM
OK, is anyone else thinking of the driveway scene from The World According To Garp?
Posted by: MikeR | June 4, 2003 07:53 PM
May I nominate Janeane Garafalo as the dick-catching starlet?
And yes, MikeR, I thought of that passage in Garp. Ewww.
Posted by: LeeAnn | June 4, 2003 08:16 PM
Ish. ISH!
What a skag. I'm now officially uninterested in his movies. Blech.
Posted by: Keith | June 4, 2003 08:24 PM
Yes, but that was such a phenomenal retort by Roger Ebert. Worthy of the Algonquin Round Table.
Posted by: Meryl Yourish | June 4, 2003 09:18 PM
Can I just vote "Ick" all around and have another glass of orange juice?
Posted by: Laurence Simon | June 4, 2003 10:31 PM
Uh, I don't even want to know what inspired the title of this film.
Posted by: nastybastard | June 4, 2003 11:13 PM
"I wish Mr. Gallo a speedy recovery."
Best and classiest comeback ever. Never cared much for Ebert before now, but he just got my vote.
Posted by: Bill | June 5, 2003 08:18 AM
This guy played Sister Gomez from Freeway 2: Confessions of a Trick Baby. After seeing that piece of crap, I'm surprised to hear he actually found work again...
Posted by: Celeste | June 5, 2003 02:33 PM
They made a sequel to Freeway? And this guy was in it? Sad, very sad.
Posted by: Jon | June 5, 2003 04:22 PM
Yep, they sure did. Matthew Bright tried to retell the Hansel and Gretel story in Freeway 2. Natasha Lyonne was in it as well. Unfortunately, it had none of the charm of the original.
Posted by: Celeste | June 5, 2003 04:48 PM
I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than "The Brown Bunny."
That's the best come back ever. Did anyone consider that he might be making a big deal and picking fights to stir up more publicity for the movie? A bad review is one thing, but so many bad reviews you start voodooing the critics might make people go see it just out of curiosity..
Posted by: rob | June 6, 2003 11:48 AM
Vincent Gallo is rumoured to have a massive cock!
Posted by: Anonymous | June 12, 2003 08:23 PM