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Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

[As referred to in the previous post, this is a story about the song that changed my life]

Once upon a time I was married. I was not a happy wife. Nor was I a content bride. I was, instead, resigned to being the good wife. The one who never complains, no matter how bad things are.

A little background from an old journal I found last year.

She dreamed of her own death but then shook the thought from her head and replaced it with dreams of flying. Sprouting wings and flying high above everything, the taste of freedom on her tongue. She landed in places that were not so dark, not so bleak and when she woke up it was always with the sinking feeling that her wings had been clipped. There were times, in the silvery light of the early morning, that she clung to the idea that the past few years were all a dream and she would wipe the sleep from her eyes and find herself in her parent's house, unwed, umothered, lifted from her bitterness. But it never happened that way and she woke every morning in the same house, the same life, the same bitter bed she made for herself.

And this one:

...she avoids looking at happy, complete families, the ones that come in sets like some Fisher-Price Happy Handsome Family collection; Mom, Dad, smiling kid, smiling baby, matching t-shirts, never an angry word or a tear shed. She has stopped living in the dream where she is part of that collection. She has now become one of the discarded sets found at garage sales; the mom and kid and baby, smiles and daddy missing.

I wrote those journal entries about myself. The last paragraph was a snippet from something I was feeling when I went to Disneyworld - with kids, sans husband/father.

There was a young woman sitting next to us on the bus that took us from one part of the park to another. She had on headphones, swaying her head in time to music only she could hear. And then she sang, softly. One line.

When will you realize, Vienna waits for you

The woman stopped singing and the song played itself out in my head and then started over again. I knew the words well.

The kids dozed off on the seat next to me, one leaning on me, one leaning on my mother, and the motion and bumps of the bus lulled me into a hypnotic daydream.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you an just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

I knew then. I knew what my Vienna was. No, it wasn't a city in a faraway place. Vienna was not tangible; it was more of a state of mind than a location.

I knew this moment was coming. I didn't need a song to tell me that. What I did need was the words of someone else to kick me in the ass and move me towards a better place.

Soon after the burden of my marriage was over. The burden of separation and divorce came next and I rode the wave and waited it out.

And then, there it was. Vienna.

Vienna - Words and Music by Billy Joel

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
You are still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you an just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong

But you know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook
And disappeaar for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you.


I'm ready for my drink now.

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» Soundtrack of your life from WHUZZUP!
The Princess™ has an inneresting meme going on: Songs that bring on major life changes. Michele's playing, so that means all the cool kids have to play... and uhm, me too. Let me channel my inner-Eminem OMMMMmmmmmmm.... Well, I would... [Read More]

Comments

vienna has been my nickname for most of my life, starting when i was about 14. it was on the license plate of all my cars, until it was stolen off my nissan in college during a party.

that song has always made me cry, i was old before i entered high school. and the worst thing was that i knew it, and i did it to myself intentionally. i thought if i could drink and fuck and run around with college guys, i could be a woman and be free. when that didn't work, i ran away from home. stupid. anything to stop being a kid, at any cost. it's so hard to get that chance at innocence back, if not impossible, and it aches so much more the older i get. "but then if you're so smart tell me why are you still so afraid?"

wow. way too much information. we fight that shit however we can, babe. it makes me happy to see you be goofy sometimes. and i wondered if that was me you saw, when i first read it. but that was disneyland, not disneyworld. and i'll take that drink with you, if you don't mind. maybe i'll give you a lap dance later. ;o)

Billy Joel songs, in general, make me cry... that dude is incredible.

btw, Michele... I've upped the ante in the meme. You have to sing it now.

HUGS!!!