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and he's single??

If you're looking for a man, have I got the bachelor for you.

How can you resist this?

So if you are that very special lady who's potbellied, flat chested, left handed, and a smoker... this guy loves you and wants to marry you!!!

You also have to be 6'3". And a virgin.

Then there's this:

I won't kiss anyone on the mouth, so don't ask. And don't even MENTION oral sex to me. I think the whole idea of it sounds pretty bizarre and sick-making

And this:

It would not bother me in the least if my lady is a sloppy eater who enjoys filling her tummy with gooey pizza now and then, giggling and getting tomato sauce on her pretty face!

Apparently he's going to support you with his art. Good thing he disdains money, because I think I saw this one go for 25 cents at my neighbor's garage sale.

What else do you need to know? He looks like Joel Rifkin, he seems to have a thing for his mother.

So ladies, if this describes you:

...a nice sleek, flat little chest and a nicely rounded little poochy tummy! She is not skinny, she has long legs, and she likes to wear shoes that let her feet stand nice and flat on the ground the way nature intended. She doesn't wear jewelry or makeup, and she doesn't vandalize her body with tattoos. Though I confess I find appendix scars on poochy female tummies very appealing....

Here's your man.

Oh, make sure you aren't claustrophobic. This guy has all the earmarks of "dead hooker in the trunk" syndrome.

[found via my new blog obsession, Aaron Bailey]


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» and he's single?? from WE ARE HUGH
A Small Victory: "She doesn't wear jewelry or makeup, and she doesn't vandalize her body with tattoos." [Read More]


Aww, he'll even let her play with his crayons in his studio. Where do I sign up?

He scares me.

This is exactly how I imagine all my exes wound up. Oddly, it's a comforting thought.


That is truly frightening and kind of made me sick to my stomach...and as the body..he described a guys body...EW! and no oral sex? WTF? Sorry, I can live without a lot of things, but what woman could live without a man going downtown?

And here I thought I was sort of odd. Huh.

heh heh... truly sad.

And Tracie, a lot of women I dated were living without. Well, at least they had been...

He doesn't want a woman, he wants Ed Begley, Jr.

if this guy actually finds a woman before i do i'm becoming a freakin monk.

It's really sad that GenCon isn't enough for these people. Now they want somebody to TOUCH them?

At least he ruled out reproduction!

All of you making these snide comments are petty, mean, and you lack even a penny's worth of compassion.

I'll bet if this guy had 10 or 20 billion dollars in the bank, you would be fighting each other to lay down with him--even the boys.


He's got the same shirt as that Iraqi terrorist guy:)

"I've tasted piranha, brains, BARBEQUE SAUCE, sweet-&-sour sauce, and cocoa beans straight from the tree... these are the most disgusting things I've ever eaten."
(emphasis mine)

Proof the guy's a retarded freak.

...Cue violins ala "Psycho"

Wonder if he's ever tried taxidermy?

Ok, even though I'll take a beating for crossing party lines, I'll consider this my community service good deed for the day. After all, why should a woman give away what she can turn into cold hard cash? See, this guy will pay $10,000 for a wife. This one, too, but he wants french ticklers and an iron-clad return policy. Now this guy claims to have money, but so far all he does is beg.

i see someone watched pulp fiction on x a few too many times.

FABIENNE: I wish I had a pot.
BUTCH: You were lookin' in the mirror and you wish you had some pot?
FABIENNE: A pot. A pot belly. Pot bellies are sexy.The rest of you is normal. Normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass, but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I'd wear a tee-shirt two sizes too small to accentuate it.

i actually had a guy friend who came to work dressed as a pregnant nun one halloween, but didn't think to bring boobs. the description matches him pretty well...

Bet he's a furry, too.

why do I get the feeling his ideal woman is either the description of his 'mudder', or the last woman he stalked and is now buried in the crawlspace of his mudder's house, or just maybe it's his m.o.

Somebody put a fuckin' bounty on this dick's head.

Never have I been so happy to be into oral sex, sports, drinking, kinky sex, a non-smoker and right-handed in my life! Even if the guy had lots of money, I wouldn't sacrifice any of my 'faults' for him, much less move back to SoCal!

hahaha, fuckin' sick!

I'd hope that it's all a joke, akin to goatse.cx and its friend analse.cx...but damn, that's hella funny!

I read a little bit of what the guy was saying and decided it was likely a spoof.

I mean, no "going downtown," as Tracie put it? That is so wrong.

I second Hawk's remark. Scott Ritter, you sick sick bastard!

hee hee haa haa hohoho!!!!
Oh my god!!!
"Also, don't ask me 'why do you want this, why not that', etc., because it's all in here. Pestering me for answers will only tell me you didn't have enough patience to read the whole thing. "

Oh yeah... Joel Rifkin meets Norman Bates. Dude is some kind of anti-establishment control freak (and a cheapskate!)... I'm a guy and he CREEPS ME OUT!

You guys realize that the site is a joke, right? Critical thinking skills... they're not just for scientists any more...