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the mother of all moonbats

I was all ready to write a heartfelt tribute to mothers everywhere, complete with sentimental statements and words that sprung from the page like so many flowers and rainbows and bunnies.

I made the mistake of reading Jeff Jarvis first. I actually thought he was speaking to me when he wrote:

Happy Mother's Day, you greedy capitalist, SUV-driving, eco-destroying, child-enslaving, bomb-dropping, heartless bitch, you.

I was about to send him a thank-you when I realized he was being facetious in referring to this article at Alternet: Personal Voices: A Mother's Day Manifesto

Forgive my cynicism about Mother's Day. After all, what kind of ungrateful mother wouldn't want to be honored with pesticide-laced flowers, chocolate that depends on children in slavery for its production and cards that deplete our forests and litter Mother Earth? Truly, it is the ultimate insult to honor life-giving with such toxic offerings.

The moonbats have managed to suck the joy out of every single thing on this earth now, including Mother's Day. Lucinda Marshall, author of this story and obvious feminazi, thinks mothers should refuse such gifts today.

In the United States on May 11, as we celebrate Mother's Day, let us refuse the false offerings. There is an urgent need to protest U.S. duplicity/complicity in this sorry web of atrocities that endangers the lives of our children.

So listen up, moms. When your five year old son hands you the wilted daisies that he bought at the school plant sale, refuse it. Don't worry if he cries or is hurt or insulted, you have a responsibility to not make your children complicit in the armageddon that is coming upon us.

And when your daughter hands you the sweet, heartfelt card she made for you with her own little hands, give it back to her. Don't worry if she cries. She will thank you later on in life when she realizes you were just worrying about the rainforest.

It seems quite unbelievable to me that there are people so consumed with the idea of making themselves out to be the be-all and end-all of the Save the World movement that they forget how to be human. They are so wrapped up in making themselves feel virtuous that they eschew all the necessary ingredients needed to be a feeling, thinking person. They become the movement. They become a walking, breathing placard.

It's Mother's Day. Let the pulpit stand empty for a day. Let your cynicism and joy-breaking go for a little while.

Jeff also links to this statement by Anita Roddick:

Forget squishy chocolates, flowers, and breakfast in bed. Mother's Day was established as a radical feminist statement against war and aggression.

So forget going out to brunch or dinner. Forget family gatherings. Go out and protest the war instead. Tuck the family into your hybrid car and go stand in front of the White House and protest. What a great way to say thank you to your mother!

I don't consider Mother's Day to be about me. It's about my own mother, and thanking her for putting up with the adolecscent me and the petulant young adult me. It's a day to say all the things I am sometimes in too much of a rush to say during the year; how I appreciate the things she passed on to me, like a love of reading and music.

It's about my own kids, who have taught me more about myself than I have taught them, who have made my life richer if not crazier, who have given me the gift of unconditional love.

I buy presents. I give my mother not flowers or candy, but the presents I do buy her were in all probability made with the use of oil and trees. I give me kids presents, because I would not be a mother without them. I bought DJ the hugest Supersoaker ever made and I'm sure I would be hung from the nearest endangered tree if a femnazi joy-sucker caught me giving my son a gun as a present. I buy gifts for my sisters, for acting like mothers to my kids, for stepping in when I have to step out. Their gifts are not environmentally friendly and probably not recycleable. And I don't care.

My family will gather today at my parents house. We will eat lots of meat and exchange cards made with the souls of a thousand trees and maybe we will even have a discussion about the war and we'll toast to our troops and our president . After dinner we will have coffee and pass around a box of chocolates that were probably boxed by some oppressed people in a third-world country.

And even though my parents only live across the street, I will send a message to Lucinda Marshall and her cohorts by driving my SUV over there. Maybe I'll drive around the block a few times just for the hell of it.

Happy Mother's Day you joyless, soulless, bitter women.

And Happy Mother's Day to the rest of you, who appreciate a good holiday when you see one.

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Comments

Happy Mothers Day Michele!

happy mom's day, chiquita. you're a great one.

Happy Mom's Day, Michele!

I got Jackass and Fight Club. I'm keeping them, my children love me so

Damn, and I thought that the wooden salad bowls my son bought me with the "Made in Vietnam" sticker on the bottom (bought at TARGET, no less) was a sign of progress.

Now I know the real truth--those Vietnamese shouldn't be using their natural resources that way, so some Western Capitalist will eat salad (laced with pesticide, harvested by people who shouldn't have to work so hard)! SHAME ON THEM!

Happy Mother's Day, Michele.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! I, too, drove my gas-guzzling HUGE SUV to see the grandmothers and great-grandmother's of my family, and quelle horreur, we gave them cards and pictures of their grandson/great-grandson! Shame on us! I wish now that I could take back the smiles of joy that I gave them!

Happy Mother's Day! I enjoyed this rant a lot and I think you're doing it right!

Mother's Day was established as a radical feminist statement against war and aggression.

Huh? I thought Mother's day was created by a greeting-card company so it could sell more cards. (How's that for a cynical view?)

Oh well... Happy Mother's Day anyway!

If you don't qualify as a kickass mom, Michele, no ones does. :) Your kids kick ASS, your husband probably thinks you're the single most amazing person on God's little green football, and I would really rather ask a radical feminist if she would make me my dinner then get you truly enraged (re: Big Bully). To say nothing of the fact you rejected a CNN interview.

How many moms can talk about all THAT? :)

What a shitty idea, to refuse such gifts. How would one explain that to a five year old? Sometimes I'm sure there must have been somethig in the water and the organic cheese.

sigh...
When Hallmark establishes "fuck the politically correct" day, I'm gonna buy every card at CVS.

But on this day, I'll settle with thanking my mom for the gift of life, and honor my wife, and all the other women who have done the same.

Happy Mother's Day, Michele!

Hey, everyone's got a computer and printer -- we can make our own cards. Hm....

Anyway -- Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers!

I was literally stunned when I read this. I always thought these people were crazy, but now I know they are cruel and twisted as well.

As for me, I drove my gas-guzzling SUV over to my oldest daughter's house, ate RED MEAT at a new restaurant, went over and got honey-cake (made with white flour, don't you know) flavored kisses from my grandsons and snuggled my brand new granddaughter.

How good is that? Even my wild-child middle daughter called (which I count as a minor miracle).

Happy Mother's Day to ya'll.

Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper

God bless you! Thankfully there's still some Mom's out there that haven't fallen TOTALLY off their rockers....

My wife would have KILLED me if I hadn't given her a card and claimed it was to "save a tree" or some shit... A card is just one of the many ways to let that special mom (and my wife is a SPECIAL mom!) know how much you appreciate it... if that feminazi bitch doesn't like it, perhaps we should all use an envelope and stamp (not to mention the gas, etc) and MAIL all of the cards we have left after the holiday (you know, in a week or so when they'd normally get thrown away or recycled....) to her. THAT might just save the world some air... she'd prolly die of a heart attack!

NO AIR FOR IDIOTARIANS!

Mother's Day is set aside for love, appreciation. Love for our moms, appreciation that they gave us our lives to begin with. Yes, originally it started out as a pacifist movement by the women during the Civil War, but egads! That's been over for some time now, don't you think? I haven't seen any rebels or yankees mixing it up for a long time (don't go there.)
I am thankful I made it out of puberty alive. That my mother didn't kill me during one of my mouthing off phases.
Thanks Mom! You the man! (She was, both mother and father, by the way.)